brambles Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 I am bluebelle and I am broody. I have been fully exploring my right as a hen to stop laying, stop eating, lay one enormous massive stinky poo a day and to awe the human young with it, to fluff up agressively at my owners, to risk lice by staying in my room ALL DAY and generally BITING the hand that feeds me. I have had my hen rights transgressed. My owner has put flower pots in my laying space, all very nice but messes up the decor. It's ok as I can squeeze in between them to nest more cosily. Then my owner thought it would be a good idea to put bricks in the nestbox. Ha. It made a right mess when the others came in to lay. I wouldn't let them on my bit so they laid on the bricks and broke their eggs. Silly chickens. Since then my owner's been applying chicken hrt and has had me on ice packs changed twice daily. This is quite nice as it's been warm lately but I won't tell her that. She has to put gardening gauntlets on anyway to come anywhere near me, might give her a complex. Yesterday the greatest outrage occurred when my owner put me in a CAGE in the run. I did full fluffing and made sure that when I was fully in that my BUM was so fluffed that all she could see was my bummel staring at her. I ensured that I did my broody poo straight away. She has PUT ME UP ON BRICKS which she says is to get air around me, but I'm just convinced that it is because I am a scouse bird. I have put my food in my water and spilled the rest on the ground through the slats. I uphold my rights to generally starve myself to death and be a mare. I'll kid her on that I'm off broody and then when she lets me out I'll let it back into my lovely room and nest. Any hen solicitors apply here. The rest of the crowd are vascilating between thinking I'm barmy and huddling at the back of the run because they think the cage thing is going to happen to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ness3103 Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 that's brilliant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Fantastic . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen & co. Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 very good, you're not being egged on by my broody girl are you? Karen x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Thats beautifully written but your keeper is doing the right things and some times its better to give in and be gracious as you will unfortunately not win your case No solicitor would take this case not even on a no win no egg basis Keep up the massive poos though, that is awesome sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kit Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 very good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gallina Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Henmans might take you on: http://www.henmansllp.co.uk/ I would add the complaint that despite your obvious maturity you are not allowed to have a boyfriend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poachedegg Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clucky h Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Hilarious! I hope that you write regularly to let us know how you are getting on. I fear for your owner's health though. I hope she has access to large quantities of tea/red wine/chocolate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickvic Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Fantastic! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolateeclaire Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 I am now terrified that my girls might get to read this and change from the sweet things they are into something bolshy and militant!!!! Please do not try and recruit them. Claire Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brambles Posted June 21, 2009 Author Share Posted June 21, 2009 We might be able to join together and form a Class Action case. My human has released me. She said something about the other girls already having laid and shutting the eglu door. I did full puffle and headed for the stairs to my room. It is CLOSED. For cleaning, I assume. I have taken my position at the top of the stairs in full puffle, occasionally banging my beak on the door to check that it will not open and squawking. This ensures that my human throws some corn down as she thinks it makes us forget what we were worrying about. I have taken my position at the top of the stairs in full puffle. I can't remember why. I do not recommend the room service. I have done broody poo in my box for my human. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Perhaps you could spell out 'Rights for Hens' in aubiose on the floor of the run, in the hope that a passing aeroplane might spot it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaireG Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brambles Posted June 21, 2009 Author Share Posted June 21, 2009 Day 24 in the Big Broody house. Bluebelle is back in the broody box. The moment the nest box door was reopened she headed straight back for it. Putting her in the box was like trying to put an octopus in a string bag. It is amazing quite how many bits of hen can poke out of a small aperture. The others are bemused and secretly impressed. Owner considering acquiring more hens to make up for the lack of laying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakes Chick Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 the most ammusing thing I have read since the guardian letter.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madchickenlady Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atsw Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 That is so, soooooo, funny When our Buff Orp decided to join that Club earlier this month, I gave in straight away and brought six eggs off e-bay! One for a quiet life, me. Andrew Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mostin Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Go for it Bluebelle , power to the chickens!, be militant Keep up the awesome poos . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom123 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Why not hatch some Broody hen + empty eglu + desire for more hens = HATCHING Go on! Good Luck Tom P.S. Hatch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brambles Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 I have done broody poo so heuge that it has made a mountainous heap through the slats in my air conditioned accomodation. Room Service released me after her 'job' and was quite impressed by the size and smell of my offering. What is chicken for 'bloomin heck look at the size of that?'? Room Service allowed me to do mingling and as she was so pleased that I had left the building I decided to please her by digging a large dust bowl in the lawn to do beauty treatments with my friends. Room Service was further impressed that I did not head straight to the nest box when she opened it after evening cleansing. She thinks I am over it all. But the weather turns warmer tomorrow. And I've persuaded two of my friends to go into moult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barkisland Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 My Light Sussex, Mary, is very keen to join this Union Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 You should turn this into a diary & print it.........absolutely hysterical Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
