BeckyBoo Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Badoom, tsh Where do you get them?? BeckyBoo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlo Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 How do you follow those? Probably not with this..... The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Time for my favourite joke, which I'm usually unable to tell because I start laughing halfway through. What's the difference between a stoat and a weasel? Well, one is weaselly recognised and the other is stoatally different. I'm a simple soul, really! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Chick Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Simple jokes are the best Olly Keeping on the theme... Whats the difference between a buffalo and a bison? You can't wash your hands in a buffalo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
majorbloodnock Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 How many operatic sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb? None. She just holds the new bulb in her hand and the world revolves around her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenNutter Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Major! You're on a roll, keep going! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busybird Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Why is six scared of seven? Because 7 8 9 Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom. Why did Polly put the kettle on? She didn't have anything else to wear. There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
..lay a little egg for me Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 What's yellow and smells of green paint? yellow paint! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
..lay a little egg for me Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 A man went to the doctor with a bowl of strawberries on his head. The doctor said: "I've got some cream for that" *boom boom* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henriette Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Why did the students eat their homework Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Knock knock Who's there? Amos Amos who? A mosquito. Knock knock Who's there? Ann Ann who? Another mosquito Knock knock Who's there? Arthur Arthur who? A third mosquito Well that's it, I'm fed up with all these mosquitos- where's the fly killer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Chick Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 What goes green, whoosh, red? Kermit in a liquidiser. This following joke got my hubby Phil, then a young boy, into trouble with his parents at a Butlins kids talent show, although apparently it made everyone laugh, and certainly made me laugh.... Whats green, sometimes brown and smells? Kermits bum You can just imagine how mortified his parents were as he proudly announced that joke on a stage infront of hundreds of people Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
majorbloodnock Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Major! You're on a roll, keep going! OK, everyone. Now you know who to blame for my posting the following gem.... A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack, allowing him to be a little more familiar in the hope of success. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patricia looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name, to which she gets the reply that he's Kermit Jagger, his dad being Mick Jagger, and that it's okay because he knows the bank manager. Patricia explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I can do that," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patricia explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog who says he's Kermit Jagger out there, claiming to know you, and wanting to borrow £30,000. Oh, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says... (I apologise in advance) "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Chick Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Superb Major Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickvic Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlo Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 It's the way you tell 'em! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gamebird Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 I am soooooooooo sad but this is one of my favourite jokes. Being of Scottish ancestry and of a certain generation (although, I hasten to add, not that old.) What’s the difference between an old Crooner and an even older Cartooner? Bing sings, Walt Disney. I know you shouldn't laugh at your own jokes but I can't help it - it makes me laugh everytime - sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Oh I like that one - had to attempt the accent to get it though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluekarin Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 I am soooooooooo sad but this is one of my favourite jokes. Being of Scottish ancestry and of a certain generation (although, I hasten to add, not that old.) What’s the difference between an old Crooner and an even older Cartooner? Bing sings, Walt Disney. I know you shouldn't laugh at your own jokes but I can't help it - it makes me laugh everytime - sorry sorry, I don't get it When my hubby laughs at his own jokes, I say to him what are you? and he says a sad man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 It's the Disney bit - you have to tune in - I think it's spelt disnae = doesn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluekarin Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 It's the Disney bit - you have to tune in - I think it's spelt disnae = doesn't. Thank you, I get it now! I was trying (!) an accent in my head but it dinnea work What am I? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 It's all those years of watching Frazer in Dad's Army! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard T Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 What do elephants have for lunch? An hour, the same as the other animals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 What is brown and sounds like a bell? Dung My favourite I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
..lay a little egg for me Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 Q: Why did the chicken cross the park? A: To get to the other slide! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
