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Alis girls

Probably being too sensitive

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It is a long story but will try to keep it brief. As you know my 10yr old struggles at school - I posted about an old teacher about a year ago. He now has a better teacher - an ex friend - a while back we disagreed on the way her son in same class as my boy treated my son when we went on weekends away . My son got ignored and left out so OH who bless him doesnt mince his words had it out with her. It culminated in boys not seeing each other - (well at school )- frankly they have been maturer than the adults. However we mums now speak but any eforts on my part on offering an olive branch are snubbed but I suppose she was hurt by OH's critisism - and I backed him cos of my sons hurt feelings.


Well today my son was grumpy in class (no excuses but hes going thro early puberty - hormones etc) and she asked him in front of class if all was ok at home! YS said first thing that entered his head (bless) that his dad had been cross with him night before (he was faffing about over homework). Totally irrelivant to why he was grumpy as it appears her son had pushed him off his table and he had to sit elsewhere hence the grumpiness. I was cross cos typical kid drops us in it BUT why assume that its home which is the problem? Surely they should check all is ok at school first?


Things are ok at home - OH took redundancy and I work P/T - not rich but not poor - managing -and yes like most parents we have moments of stress, anger and whatever.

Anyway any teachers out there how would you have handled it? Thanks

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It was absolutely unprofessional and inappropriate for the teacher to have asked such a question in front of others - the right to confidentiality and privacy doesn't come into effect when we hit some magical age, it's as much of a right for children as adults.


Putting your personal situation aside, I dread to think of the fallout if a child revealed something horrific, either real or perceived, in front of an entire class. The consequences could be catastrophic. For this reason alone, this situation should absolutely be addressed as I am sure that this action would have placed this teacher firmly outwith the bounds of her professional code of conduct.


I hope I don't sound overly dramatic, but I am imagining the same question asked of a child who may be witness to, or victim of, abuse...the question must of course be asked if a person in a position of responsibility has concerns, BUT that question must be asked sensitively, appropriately, and above all, by somebody who has had the necessary training to react accordingly to an answer which is anything other than reassuring.


I don't envy you, as you have the added complication of knowing this person on a social level, but I really do hope you resolve this.



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Im a teacher (sorry!) I wouldn't have asked him in front of the whole class if all was ok at home :shock: that's a big no-no, cos you never really know what is going on in someone's life.


I don't think it's a good idea for a teacher to teach their own child :? We have some teachers whose children come to our school and they are actively separated(through choice in most cases) as you will either favour,or totally pick on your own child, I'm sure it's natural to :? (I assume, don't have children myself)


Just a random question? Why did the other boy have the "authority" to push your son off the table? The only person who has the right to change the seating plan it the teacher, in my classes a student can ask to move, but not to move another student...


Hope that helps a little?




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I agree - and I am also a teacher.


That is not a question I would EVER ask a child publicly. I would want to know why she did that.


I also feel it's a bad idea for her to be teaching her own son in the class. It has happened occasionally at our school when setting has thrown parent and child together, but is avoided at all costs and resulted in staff swapping groups. We are a large secondary and quite a lot of our staff have children who attend or attended the school.

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Thanks for help and support - after much ruminating and talking with OH decided to leave it however if I see her and she brings it up I will advise her that all is well at home and that any problems are closer to school. It is a sensitive time as he moves to secondary school in the autumn along with her child and others and chances are they wont see each other much. I have told my son that if the 2 of them resume their close friendship as they grow up I wont have a prob with it and the boy will always be welcome to come round. My son wanted his old friend to come to his parties but she turned invite down. I know critising other peoples kids causes upset - a friend did so to me som yrs back - for a while things were frosty between us a thing I much regret as she was pregnant (didnt know at time and her father ill) and I wasnt ther for her. Its something I very much regret - we have talked it thro and now are ok and the boys get on well. Lifes too short to bicker unless its something major and there are some people like this woman who has taken it very seriously. I have sadly lost 4 other friends thro this as they sided with her and her family so at the end of the day my family has come off worse.

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