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Well, got them home at just after 4.00pm but DD has made the decision to put Lauren on bottles. Poor DD was so stressed and nearly hysterical. Lauren had latched on for only a short time this morning with loads of help from BF support but this afternoon was only taking milk by DD expressing it into a cup and then a midwife feeding her that way. She really couldn't face trying to do that on her own every hour as advised and I can't say I blame her. Am so proud of her for trying though.

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Big hugs to your daughter xxx

 

She has to make the decision that is going to make both baby and mummy happy. It's a tough decision. Hope her and Lauren settle into home life and are enjoying getting to know each other 8) x

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I couldn't get my littlie to latch on either, and ended up expressing milk for 2 mnths. It was a horrible time, and no, we never did get BF sorted out! In many ways I wish I'd done as our daughter has and stopped banging my head against that particular brick wall much sooner.

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I had similar problems with DS1, he wouldn't latch on at all and I managed with a combination of expressing and BF using nipple shields as he would latch on to those.

 

Best advice I had from anyone was from my Mum, who had similar problems when I was born.

She told me 'just feed your baby, however you do it, and don't feel guilty about it!'

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Well, little Lauren is proving to be faffy at feeding and has lost weight so now DD has to write down when she's having a feed and how much she's having. I had this problem with both DD's so it must run in the family :roll: DD's partner has been doing the night feeds as he has insomnia but the HV has been today and has just phoned DD whilst I was there to say DD must take over the night feeds. That's gone down really well with her partner as you can imagine!! Arrghh :wall:

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Well, little Lauren is proving to be faffy at feeding and has lost weight so now DD has to write down when she's having a feed and how much she's having. I had this problem with both DD's so it must run in the family :roll: DD's partner has been doing the night feeds as he has insomnia but the HV has been today and has just phoned DD whilst I was there to say DD must take over the night feeds. That's gone down really well with her partner as you can imagine!! Arrghh :wall:

 

Why? :eh::eh:

 

Dad may be as capable or more so than Mum. I remember when I was nursing, some of the little tiny ones we had who wouldn't feed, some of us nurses were better at getting milk into them than others, I was one of the better ones :D and always got the tricky feeders.

 

Provided Dad records the feeds that would show up if there was a problem at night and it may be baby rather than the person giving the feed.

 

Chrissie

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Many HV are great, I am sure!

 

I ignore all the ones in our area except one though. Useless. Apparently according to one I shouldn't have been weaning at 7 months, and should still have been giving her milk only!!

 

Unless there is a good reason, I would recomend that your daughter and OH do what is right for them.

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Only thing we can think of re the HV's comment is that Dad is on medication for depression and also according to her "most cot deaths are caused my fathers falling asleep on baby whilst feeding"

 

Got DD to ring the midwives today just to see that it was OK to wait until Tuesday for the midwife visit. Midwives have told her that the HV shouldn't even have weighed Lauren as the scales won't be the same. Also, the HV has written the wrong date in the book as well. Put it down as two days earlier than it was:twisted:

 

Upshot is that DD wants me there when the HV comes so I can see what I think of her.

 

Thanks for letting me vent on here.

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Have only just caught up with this thread.

 

With my DD I resorted to bottle feeding when we couldn't get on with BF. I was told that as long as they get the first few "bits" they get most of the immunity from Mum anyway, and certainly my DD was very hale and hearty throughout her childhood...In fact.. better than my DS who was BF and has eczema, had trouble with his overbite (not supposed to happen with BF babies) and went down with quite a few things until he got to about five...and I fed him for nearly a year!

 

. My HV was useless as well.. and those damn scales became the bane of my life with DD... (I had learnt to ignore her with DS..although she complained he was gaining too much weight (although bf entirely) :roll: ).when she did get the chance to put him on the scales (very infrequently and usually because she cornered me when I was in the health centre for something else :D ) You would think that people who are trained to deal with first mum's who are worried anyway would learn to be a bit more sensitive and stop pushing the latest thinking (which changes weekly)...of course Dad should be able to give the bottles...what possible harm can it do?

Anyway, just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about the problems it seems nothing has changed in the last twenty years which is disappointing.

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Unless there is a valid concern with dad feeding (e.g. not persevering, baby not initially interested so dad doesn't persevere), then I can't see the issue. Is the depression well managed with the medication? Maybe she has concerns as to his mental health in that she doesn't want to compound any issues he has with coping with a, possibly fractious, baby overnight.

 

If he is coping well with the night feeds, and is managing to get baby to take an appropriate volume of milk, and if mum is happy with this arrangement, then I think that the HV needs to state explicitly her rationale for recommending this routine be altered. And at the end of the day, her recommendation is just that - a recommendation. She can't TELL your daughter what to do, but can only ADVISE her.

 

Hope all works out okay. I assume baby has been checked for tongue tie, as this is a common and easily rectified feeding complication.

 

Tina :)

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So cot deaths are caused by dad falling asleep are they? Er no, "Ooops, word censored!"ody knows what causes them, that's why they are 'unexplained'. Ok so he has depression but bonding with his child could be his best therapy ever.

 

I don't see my health visitor apart from developmental checks (although she did seem nice), and talking to all my mum friends we are all of the same opinion. I weigh my son myself at my breastfeeding group (a lot of 'baby clinics' also encourage mums to do it themselves as it builds confidence) and ask advice if I feel I need it.

 

I would advise your daughter to listen to the midwives as they sound like they are great support. A lot of new mums get undermined by the health visitor which is extremely unhelpful to say the least.

 

Sending love xx

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Thanks again everyone :) Midwife has been to see Lauren and DD and she has put on weight :D DD said she got the impression midwife wasn't impressed with the HV weighing Lauren and getting everyone panicking. Anyway, she's been told to carry on doing what they're doing as it's obviously working. DD sounded sooooooooooo relieved when she rang me.

 

I'm off round there later on to have a dote on her :D

 

Oh, and I'm still going to be there next week when the HV comes round. Am not having DD and her partner stressed out by someone who should be there to help.

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Just thought I'd update that I was there yesterday when the HV came round. Not sure if she was different because I was there but she seemed nice and helpful. Lauren has also put on weight and now weighs 8lb 2oz :)

 

She also mentioned that there is a young Mum's group, baby massage and also baby yoga that they can go to. DD can be a bit shy so she said she'd arrange for one of the Mum's to contact DD to chat about them.

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I have two kids, three yrs apart. Had several different Hv's. One common thread. All totally useless, and that's being very polite.

Trust yr instinct, and trust yourselves.

If you look back over, say, the last 5 yrs, the HV advice will have changed itself around about full circle twice at least.

How are they advising the baby sleeps now? between child 1 and 2, they advised babies sleep on their fronts, with pillows!!!!!! Told me everything I needed to know :twisted: I hardly saw anyone with second one, her book is awfully empty. She may think she was adopted!! :lol:

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Between 4 houses, and 4 babies, I've had about 7 HV's, and the common thread among them was, all but one was childless.

 

I adored the one who had children tho - she'd had 4 boys, and was an absolute gem. She knew what she was talking about, because she advised by drawing on her wealth of experience. She knew when help was needed (even if you couldn't bring yourself to ask for it), and knew when a cuddle, a shoulder and a tissue were in order.

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I managed to avoid them very successfully! We recently got in touch about referring Mog for speech therapy - complete disaster, total waste of time and eight weeks later we still haven't had the promised appointment with a speech therapist for assessment. My favourite was the one who rocked up after Teddy was born and asked me who Imogen was. Erm, my first child? Although the one who asked me through the medium of mime if I was feeling depressed was also very special.

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I'm sure there are some excellent health visitors out there! :anxious:

 

I've had two. The first was very school headmistress like and very proper and stern looking BUT she was pleasant. I never had any use for her though so no idea what she'd have been like in response to any demands from me.

 

The second was totally dippy, arrived half an hour early, brought along a colleague (not entirely sure why, I don't remember it being explained but I was maybe just in a daze...) and I felt like I was leading the discussion not her. I never saw her again or any other HV!

 

There is a lovely health care assistant locally though that will do house visits if requested to chat about any concerns. She also does the one-year checks and drop in clinics etc and was a total star in getting my son an immediate appointment when he had a throat infection - I wasn't even there to see her about him, he came along to my daughter's progress check!! :lol:

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