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chuckmum6

How to get to sleep?

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My way of getting to sleep is if I've read a book I like or a tv programme, replay it and insert myself as an additional character and basically rewrite it to suit me - I never get very far! Especially with tv programmes when I remove the love interest and replace her with me . . . and then I NEVER get to the good bits. Typical! :roll: You'd think I'd stay awake for that part!!!!

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Couperwife - it does make more sense to start at your toes, so I will give that a try.

 

Chuckmum, as this is about your mum and you, is there something creative you could start to do at home that reminds you or you can do in her memory, but that she would be proud/pleased/surprised to see you doing? That way, you might be able to keep busy and think of her at the same time? I'm on a 'don't be afraid of the sewing machine' course, which is great fun and next I am going to try doing some of Jamie's 30 minute meals, to prove that actually, somewhere deep inside, I can do it too. This would make my mother roar with laughter if she could see - she was SO practical. It kind of skipped a generation with me but seems to have appeared in both daughters (thank you, Fates).

 

Mrs Potts

 

PS Re snoring - generally, if I pat OH, he stops snoring - for about ten seconds. Can someone point me in the direction of the snoring thread? Thank you and apologies for going off topic.

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Hi Mrs Potts, my mum was an artist, I am an art teacher, I have been very busy having a great time fusing glass (a new skill) this holiday, my mum would have LOVED it! I have lots of her work around the house, she designed the village sign and her work is on beer labels - she is everywhere. The sad thing was she was half paralysed and became almost blind by the stroke she had, which meant she couldn't do her art work, or play her instruments or do all the lovely thing she'd done with her grandchildren, it was very hard to watch.

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Hi Chuckmum6, I've been reading this thread with interest as I too have been suffering with my sleep and with bereavement... I lost my dad in Feb 08 to lung cancer and my mum in dec 09 to ovarian Cancer, my marriage broke down in the middle of all this and to be completely honest I have been such a mess with everything.

 

I turned to alcohol :oops::shock: to try and help me sleep and to chill me out...big bad idea, has cost me a fortune, hasn't helped the sleep thing at all (in fact has made it worse) and I have alienated a lot of people purely through my temper when I'v had a few.

 

I've even been at the extreme where i threw myself into helping everyone i knew with stuff, but ended up being taken for granted and just worn out...that didn't help either.

 

Nothing helped with my sleep. I can be tired at 11, go to bed and be awake at 3am for a couple of hours then fall asleep and wake up again at 6:30

 

I realise now that the moods and the sleeplessness is more than likely down to depression, I've suffered in the past and had to have prescribed meds, which I didn't like, because I was taking one thing to get me up in the morning and then something else to switch me off at night.

 

I can't go back to the doctor even if i wanted to get meds because of the drinking thing, so I shook myself and decided to stop drinking for good this time and i have been offered a job that fits in around the kids and gets me out in the fresh air, perfect for me as I honestly believe that the best medicine is often fresh air and a good dose of exercise.

I worked for 2 days last week and ached at the end...I also slept for an extra hour each night :)

 

I've also decided that I'm going to look into bereavement counselling and grief management, I spend so much of my time making sure the kids are ok that I totally forget to deal with me, so now its time for me to the right thing for me and sort out the jumbled up mess that is currently my head. The notepad thing is also helping me to clear stuff out before i sleep.

 

Sorry I haven't meant to ramble on, but this grief thing is tough at times. Hopefully even writing all this down on here has helped me tonight :think:

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Well, there is lots of good advice in this thread, so I haven't got much to add except:

1. Going to a counsellor does really help because you can talk to someone who does not know you at all, so you don't have to be anyone other than yourself, appear to cope, worry about crying in front of them or worry that they are bored of hearing your story. It is very helpful to have someone guide you through thinking about the parts of the bereavement that are causing you the most trouble. Often a bereaved person can feel cross that the person was callous enough to die and leave them all alone and then guilt that they are feeling cross, guilt about the things that were/were not said/done plus all kinds of emotions that you might not even realize are in there until a counsellor helps you to identify them.

 

2. Waking up in the middle of the night is very natural and in fact in ye olden days, it was routine for people to get up in the middle of the night and read, pray, even visit neighbours, before going back to bed. Old books refer to the "first sleep" and "second sleep". No one knows why nowadays it is considered correct to sleep all night. So instead of worrying about not sleeping just get up and do something and think of yourself as being old fashioned!!!

 

I, being of a certain age, take ages to get to sleep and then wake up every 2 hours in a hot sweat, for about 30 mins each time. It is most vexing.

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Hi Mrs Potts, my mum was an artist, I am an art teacher, I have been very busy having a great time fusing glass (a new skill) this holiday, my mum would have LOVED it! I have lots of her work around the house, she designed the village sign and her work is on beer labels - she is everywhere. The sad thing was she was half paralysed and became almost blind by the stroke she had, which meant she couldn't do her art work, or play her instruments or do all the lovely thing she'd done with her grandchildren, it was very hard to watch.

 

My Dad died in 2006. He was a very fit, very handsome man and deteriorated very rapidly due to Parkinsons (which he refused to acknowledge for about 5 years so went untreated which made it worse). He was only 72 when he died, my Mum having died very suddenly and unexpectedly the year before at 70.

 

The two bereavements were very different - utter shock and unimaginable grief when my Mum died and grief tempered with relief when Dad died as he was a wreck in every way and hated the way he was.

 

7 and 6 years on now and I can see the stages of grief clearly laid out.

 

Mum - complete shock, disbelief, wretched sadness, unable to even think of her without crying. Ist annivesary of everything awful - I remember having to leave shops around Mother's Day as I couldn't bear seeing the cards. 2nd year still very sad and then Dad died so had to cope with 2 lots of emotions - grief for Dad mixed up with relief that he was no longer suffering and still coping with losing Mum.

 

I could only think of Dad in his "ill" years for a long time but now when I think of him I remember him as he properly was - fit, playing tennis, cricket, swimming, going to the gym, encouraging my girls to climb trees....

 

Now I miss them both but it no longer crushes me - took about 3 years I think to start to feel better. I wish they had seen my ED graduate and my YD get married but it was not to be. I can now watch the old cine films of when I was young with joy rather than sadness.

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