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Ain't Nobody Here

Spoke too soon - hopefully now sorted!

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Mum has been so nice to me recently and we've been getting on well so it was a huge shock when she turned on me in front of a social worker last week. There is now going to be a multi-disciplinary investigation into her affairs - not just as a result of that, the consultant psychiatrist says she didn't have capacity when she made her last Will and Power of Attorney (I wasn't aware of that). Took them long enough to act :evil: .

 

Mum no longer wants to see me as apparently I'm there too much, I'm in her face, taking over and doing things behind her back. I know this is partly the vascular dementia but to be honest, this isn't new behaviour. I even told her recently she needs to tell people if they're doing things she doesn't like but she didn't take my advice, just vented her wrath about me to anyone that would listen - except me :wall: .

 

If one good thing comes out of this it will be that my brother will have to account for his actions. The police are also being involved (funny, they didn't want to know when I alerted them :roll: ) - let's hope they decide he's committed a crime. I have nothing to hide so apart from reeling from the shock of mum's about face (you'd think I'd be used to it by now :? ), bring it on :evil: .

Edited by Guest

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Oh no...just when things were going so well for you and your mum :wall: I guess, as you say, that this is her dementia kicking in so do try and take comfort form that.

 

As you say, hopefully your brother will now be brought to book so that can only be a good thing. :pray:

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Oh ANH I am so sorry that this has happened but perhaps if it results in your brother having to explain his actions it will have some positive effect.

 

Hugs from East Northants.

 

Chrissie

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I had a bad feeling that I knew what this post was going to be about before I read it. I feel for you families are a minefield, you have been through so much with her already, hopefully this resolve things once and for all. Don't take it personally, she obviously has some mental health issues that were evident before the dementia.

 

((Hugs))

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I'm really sorry to hear about this Vicky.

 

n preparation for the investigation, I would recommend you document the entire saga regarding your brother and the Wills etc, so that you have all the dates and facts available.

 

I would put money on his being able to lie and sound very credible, painting you as the manipulative one. His lies will all have a grain of truth in them, enough to convince an external person that he is telling the truth. I've encountered someone like him before, and I've seen the damage that can be done to an innocent person by them.

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I'm really sorry to hear about this Vicky.

 

n preparation for the investigation, I would recommend you document the entire saga regarding your brother and the Wills etc, so that you have all the dates and facts available.

 

I would put money on his being able to lie and sound very credible, painting you as the manipulative one. His lies will all have a grain of truth in them, enough to convince an external person that he is telling the truth. I've encountered someone like him before, and I've seen the damage that can be done to an innocent person by them.

 

I second all the above.

 

But on the positive side, maybe this latest development will finally sort everything out once and for all? I really hope so for your sake - and for hers.

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When I saw the topic title my heart dropped. I am sorry to hear this latest turn of events. But, in a way it does seem like those in authority seem to be doing something. I hope it will all be sorted out for you all, and soon, and that brother of yours gets a suitable punishment. Big (((hugs))) from a wet shire down south.

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Oh how awful for you. Dementia does horrible things to the brain - hard not to take it personally but try not to. My Dad had Parkinsons plus dementia and he accused me once of trying to poison him - couldn't remember anything about it the next day and I knew it was the illness talking.

 

Might be a good thing to have it all completely out in the open with the authorities and for your brother to have to face some tough questions. No less stressful though.

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Sorry to read this. I hope the investigation all goes well for you and your mum and its not too stressful on you both,

 

Big hugs to you x

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Thanks for asking :) .

 

I heard nothing for a couple of weeks then she phoned me out of the blue, scared that her carer was leaving and in a real muddle about everything. (The carer isn't leaving but mum often has dreams which she can't distinguish from reality).

 

I've agreed to see her again but on my terms. I told her if we see too much of each other it doesn't work so I'll take her out for lunch on a Saturday if I have the car. I'll always be at the end of the phone and will help with any financial matters. She seemed happy with that.

 

Also had a long chat with the social worker who I think is on my side. They are happy for the PofA to go ahead after all and won't pursue guardianship. She has repeatedly tried to contact my brother to arrange a meeting for all parties but he's not responded to any of her calls. I've passed on his email address to her but I suspect he'll ignore that too. To my mind, that just shows how much he cares about his mother's welfare.

 

I'm quite looking forward to this meeting now but really hope my brother is made to attend - just so I can see him try to justify his actions in front of professional people that he can't bully or shout at. I know it will probably just go ahead without him but at least he won't have a shred of credibility left.

 

On another subject, I'm still waiting (about 7 weeks on) for a response from the lawyers to my email querying the £2,500 bill for making a Will for mum.

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That sounds positive Vicky, your mum is lucky to have you.

 

would be worth following up frequently with that other lawyer, as would be good to have that info available for The Meeting.

 

Keep vigilant.

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A very hard time emotionally, I have been through similar, with my dad both before and after mums sudden death, I feel for you.

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One step forward, five back :( .

 

There never was a meeting for all of us. I gathered that they were happy that I was acting in mum's best interests. My brother has still not spoken to SW.

 

However, last week there was a meeting for all the professionals which I wasn't allowed to attend. They couldn't decide on guardianship but want to speak to mum about who she wants to be her PoA. This is the same woman they say has no capacity :? .

 

I have had 2 calls from SW in the last 2 days - apparently mum was in a state because I had told her about this meeting and the PoA. I categorically hadn't. Then apparently I had seen mum on Saturday and made her tea. Again, I hadn't (but she told her carers that I had, so it was put in their log). My big mistake was saying I'd only seen her on Thursday for a cup of tea, forgetting that she'd called me on Saturday. When I eventually remembered that phone call, I was made to feel like I was hiding something.

 

I feel like I'm being judged and watched at every turn by people who haven't even met me. I am an intelligent and educated woman who is quite capable of looking after her own mother without having to be accountable for every conversation and any contact I have with her. I know SW have their job to do but surely there are people out there more in need of their help. They must have worked out by now that my brother was the one my mum needed protecting from, not me.

 

Oh, and he visited her last week. Only told her the arrangements and kept changing them so she was in a complete state and asked me to tell him not to come. I emailed and texted to tell him that but got no response - and he visited her anyway (and asked her about PoA).

 

They also now say they want some sort of mediation meeting with me and my brother (they told me the situation between us was "childish" :shock: ). I'm more than happy (but will be taking my OH with me) but I suspect my brother won't come.

 

I'm close to telling them to get on with their investigation and I will have no contact with mum till they've finished. Trouble is, I can't stop her calling me.

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You can't stop her calling, but you can keep a diary of phone calls she makes or you make and basically what is said. It will help cover you and you won't need to feel they feel you are hiding things.

 

I do so wish I had a magic wand to make things all ok for you all. Hope something gets sorted soon (((hugs)))

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