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The Dogmother

Not drinking

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Why are some folks so asinine?

Those of you who know me personally will know that I don't drink alcohol - haven't for around 30 years; it isn't an issue and it would never occur to me to make a thing about it. Why then do some folks insist on you 'having a drink'? Conversation at a 'do' over the festive period:

"come one, just the one won't harm"

"no thanks; I don't drink"

"will you have just a shot then?"

"very kind thanks.... but I don't drink" (teeth now gritted)

I just don't get it - I am not a reformed alcoholic, just choose to take life neat. Why then do folks not listen to what I am saying and insist that I MUST have a drink to enjoy myself? I'm afraid that I just walk away in those situations, if people don't care enough to listen, or are just plain rude, then I will end the conversation.:roll:

Does anyone else have a similar beef?

 

 

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I’m afraid some people can’t appreciate that having a good time doesn’t have to involve alcohol. Not sure there is a fool proof reply.  

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I don't think much, and I sometimes get this. I went into a bar a few weeks back with a friend and ordered the non-alcoholic beer and cider all night. The first bar man asked why I didn't drink:

"Because I don't like being out of control - and I can't stand the hangovers!"

"How do you have fun?"

"Not vomiting into a toilet for 3 hours and waking up feeling like I've been hit by a truck is my idea of fun!"

He screwed his face up and looked a bit confused, but he could have only been 21 or so.

Later that night I decided I would have just one glass of wine. I ordered the wine and his colleague said "Good for you!"

Apparently I was being monitored by the bar staff. I had no idea I was a subject of such interest for them. lol

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If we are going to someone’s house for a ‘drink’ ( usually Christmas time) I always take along non- alcoholic contributions.  I usually find more than just me drinks them!  Ikea make a lovely ‘mulled’ drink which has been very well received this year.  It looks and smells like the real thing. 

Edited by Patricia W

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I haven’t had alcohol for 31 years. Incidentally I am 31... 😉

For me it’s a conscious choice. And definitely an easy choice as an active motorcyclist. And I absolutely know where you are coming from. My friends now know I can’t be persuaded, but they definitely tried in the beginning. Some still don’t get it. A friend was doing a cheese fondue. But those ready made cheese mixes all contain alcohol, although in very low quantities. But since I never drink, a small amount can have much more impact. She was like: oh well, it’s there isn’t much in it. Right... she is vegetarian. I don’t go around saying,  just eat this casserole, it only has a small amount of beef in it.

I do get annoyed at drunk friends, who can’t seem to keep measure. People never see themselves drunk, but maybe should more often.

2 minutes ago, Patricia W said:

If we are going to someone’s house for a ‘drink’ ( usually Christmas time) I always take along non- alcoholic contributions.  I usually find more than just me drinks them!  Ikea make a lovely ‘mulled’ drink which has been very well received this year.  It looks and smells like the real thing. 

I love that mulled “wine”! Although I mix it with soda water, because I find it too sweet to drink neat.

I find more expensive alcohol free wines disgusting, because they often still have the taste of alcohol.

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1 minute ago, Cat tails said:

She was like: oh well, it’s there isn’t much in it. Right... she is vegetarian. I don’t go around saying,  just eat this casserole, it only has a small amount of beef in it.

Exactly!

I am not at all prudish or bothered about people who do choose to drink, it is just their lack of thought or attention to my decision. If I was pregnant for instance, would they still say - 'oh come on, just one drink'?

I think not.

It is probably just down to lack of their comprehension, and I should be less intolerant of them :oops:

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I especially get annoyed when we would go out for dinner with a large group of friends. Normally they wanted just to split the bill equally, but they had been drinking wine or cocktails, my two sodas aren’t measuring up to that. I have had actual rows with some for saying I wasn’t prepared to pay for their booze. Their reaction was: well you could have had wine too. Right... but I didn’t.

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What an interesting thread! I have to say, upfront, that I do enjoy a drink or two - occasionally a bit too much but equally its really not a prob to have a break of a few days or even weeks! However, if I read this right this is more about people putting pressure on 'you' to do something that 'you' are not comfortable with; most recently for me; have a mince pie/slice of cake...go on...Actually I am VERY careful weightwise esp with sugar and really don't eat much more than I need (I hope!!!) as I put on weigh VERY easily and so have to be super disciplined, bloomin' hard though it is!

We are all capable of making our own descisions in life and, as adults, are totally entitled to do so! Whether its alcohol, meat, veganism, sugar etc it's absolutley our own choice and, whilst I am sure that none of us in the forum would be so insensitive as to foist our opinions onto others, there are , sadly, those who feel able to pass judgment on others.. Given my advanced age - I am 54 you know!!!!! - I now tell those people that it's my choice and to wind their neck in. But then I've NEVER  been one to mince words.....Asperger's? :wink: It has it's benefits! OH has always told me that I am a subtle as a hod full of bricks but, as far as I am concerned, we really should'nt allow others to dictate our own lives.

'Climbs down off soap box and heads for a darkened room with one of those white jackets that ties up at the back :$'....But feels better for it!!!!

 

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21 hours ago, The Dogmother said:

I am not a reformed alcoholic, just choose to take life neat

My OH is exactly the same. Until he was on medication for rheumatoid arthritis he would very occasionally have one pint of lager shandy at family occasions in the pub, but he doesn’t like either the taste or effects of alcohol and doesn’t like drunk people.

He has recently had a conversation with a polish friend of ours who actually said to him ‘How do you relax and enjoy yourself if you don’t drink?’!

 I used to drink a LOT as a student and in my early 20s but drink rarely now and don’t miss it. It is a odd social thing, but I understand lots of ‘young people’ are choosing not to drink now so maybe things are changing.

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I agree Soapy, and I'm older than you, so even more entitled to be a grumpy old lady 😉

My beef is with the attitude, and it applies to any lifestyle choices one makes; I think it's down to intolerance and lack of understanding. Folks tend to broadcast (much as they would do on social media) rather than asking questions, LISTENING and getting to know people. A gay friend has a similar situation... with people suggesting that she can't be gay if she hasn't tried heterosexual sex. How very dare they?!!!

There are some really lovely non-alcoholic drinks - The Temperance Society makes a brilliant non-alco G&T; I call it 'AntiGin! I LOVE Virgin Mojitos and a virgin coladas.

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If only we were all a bit more understanding, accepting and tolerant and less judgemental (society in general and not on the Forum, of course! where we are all lovely and supportive!!!) I am inclined to think that social media makes us more 'upfront' although I don't twit, Bookface or anything like that anyway as I'd rather just get on with my own life (sorry, that might come across as narrow minded but I do enjoy picking up the 'phone to speak to people or arranging to meet up for a coffee and a chat rather than 'sharing' on the interweb and wouldn't know how anyway!!!!) There seems to be less kindness, gentleness and support these days and far more pressure and 'this is how you should be' and I do find it sad! We are all so different and should embrace those differences and not be pressured into conforming. It seems particularly hard on our teenagers and just pre teens and puts so much pressure on them - I'm really glad that I have boys as the whole 'girl thing' on social media seems so much more of a nightmare.

Clearly there are times when the social media works well - possibly more between family members and friends sharing their news - but often it seems to go a bit mad and 'out there' for all to see and chip in on.

 

Good Grief, have just re read this post and I feel very old!

 

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22 hours ago, Cat tails said:

I especially get annoyed when we would go out for dinner with a large group of friends. Normally they wanted just to split the bill equally, but they had been drinking wine or cocktails, my two sodas aren’t measuring up to that. I have had actual rows with some for saying I wasn’t prepared to pay for their booze. Their reaction was: well you could have had wine too. Right... but I didn’t.

I don't drink either - I don't like the taste.

I had a group of friends like that, they drank £40 worth of red wine like it was Ribena and then expected me to pay for a share of it. I'd only had water - which was foul - and only one person stuck up for me. One person said I should take a calculator with me the next time, needless to say there wasn't a next time.

 

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32 minutes ago, Luvachicken said:

I don't drink either - I don't like the taste.

I had a group of friends like that, they drank £40 worth of red wine like it was Ribena and then expected me to pay for a share of it. I'd only had water - which was foul - and only one person stuck up for me. One person said I should take a calculator with me the next time, needless to say there wasn't a next time.

 

I had that too! I went to a few more dinners, and got scathing comments everytime on drinking and money. I told them off one dinner and left half way through. Done with them. 

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I don't actually have that group of friends anymore.

In fact, my friends on here are more my friends these days 😊

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Well you know me, anything but gin!  But OH doesn't really drink - he might have a shandy and a Pimms which is very much tinted lemonade, but he doesn't like the taste, nor does his sister.  I wonder if it's because his parents drank a lot and mine didn't drink either?  Quite often I'm the designated driver as OH only has a passenger seat in his van, and even then his parents will say go on, one glass of wine won't hurt.  But I do not drink when I drive and she gets quite shirty about it - like we've got this and you won't join in etc.   But it isn't necessary and I enjoy J20s or other non-alcoholic drinks that are very tasty.  

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