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Mel (& Paul)

Holiday Fruitcake

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Holiday Fruitcake Recipe


1 cup water

1 cup sugar

4 large eggs

2 cups dried fruit

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup brown sugar

lemon juice


1 gallon whiskey


Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the

whiskey again to be sure that it is of the very highest quality.


Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat

1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.


Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still



Cry another cup. Turn off the mixer. Break two legs and add to the

bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried

druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.


Sample the whiskey to check for tonsnisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of

salt. Or something.


Who cares. Check the whiskey. Now sift some lemon juice and strain

your nuts.


Add a tooble spain. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven.


Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don' t forget to beat off the

turner. Throw the bowl out the window.


Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.

Who the heck likes fitcruke anyway?


Merry Christmas!


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