Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 2, 2008 Author Share Posted May 2, 2008 I've told my brother. He says I should just leave her to it. She's obviously cross with the taxi firm so is planning to go to visit dad by herself. We're hoping that she's lost her nerve as she hasn't driven for so long. ~~~~~~~~~~~ About an hour after putting the phone down on me while I was trying to say I'd have to wait till OH came home to take her car round, she phoned to ask when I was bringing it round . I said "when OH gets home" and put the phone down on her . I did pause a second or two, so knowing my luck, she'd already put it down on me . I put the keys through the letterbox (and legged it round the corner in case she came out). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 2, 2008 Share Posted May 2, 2008 maybe you could ring the DVLA and ask their advice about the driving thing? I had to get a letter from them saying I was allowed to drive due to my heart problem, otherwise my insurance would have been invalid. Then you could tell your mum the DVLA won't allow her to drive and that way she can't blame you. Just a thought as she might not be insured if she doesn't have an exempt condition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 2, 2008 Author Share Posted May 2, 2008 I did mention my concerns about her driving to the GP a few weeks ago. She said I'd have to contact the DVLA. The trouble is, mum would know it was me - who else would know about her trying to drive . She's getting the pacemaker on the 15th and presumably with a wound on her chest, she won't be able to put a seatbelt on. Hopefully that'll be enough to make her keep off the roads (although, maybe not, I often have to remind her to put her belt on when I'm driving). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiepoppies Posted May 2, 2008 Share Posted May 2, 2008 I .may be wrong, but doesn't she have to get a letter off her GP every so often stating that she's fit to drive? I seem to remember my Mother having to , and he wouldn't sign it due to her heart condition. Jackiexxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 2, 2008 Author Share Posted May 2, 2008 Yes, I thought there was some rule about that once you reached a certain age . I'll have a look on the DLVA website. Edit: If you have had, or currently suffer from a medical condition or disability that may affect your driving you must tell the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA). You'll also need to provide details if you develop a new condition or disability or one that has become worse since your licence was issued.Failure to notify DVLA is a criminal offence and is punishable by a fine of up to £1000.Surrendering your driving licenceThe medical standards of fitness to drive are available to all medical practitioners and if your doctor, in accordance with these standards, has advised you that you should not drive you may wish to surrender your licence, and reapply for its restoration at a later date. Surrendering your licence has an advantage, if and when you decide to reapply Perhaps a call to the GP might be in order . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 2, 2008 Share Posted May 2, 2008 best to V as it will affect her insurance and, god forbid, if she has a bump Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiepoppies Posted May 2, 2008 Share Posted May 2, 2008 think it's also age related. After a certain age you have yo get a 'fit to drive' notice from your GP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 2, 2008 Author Share Posted May 2, 2008 All I can find on the DVLA site is a section about having to renew your licence when you reach 70. There's no mention of having to renew it again after that . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted May 2, 2008 Share Posted May 2, 2008 Trouble is, it is the responsibilty of the individual to notify DVLA, rather than the GP Often the GP won't report someone as it upsets their patient/doctor relationship. If she doesn't contact them when she should, she is less likely to get it back again afterwards, whereas if she does notify them they will look on it more favourably when she reapplies. After 70, each application is assessed individually depending on past medical history. You could ring the DVLA and find out where you stand ANH Difficult because if you leave her she could be a danger to others and you wouldn't want that on your conscience. Not an easy decision to make, sorry Hon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 2, 2008 Author Share Posted May 2, 2008 Often the GP won't report someone as it upsets their patient/doctor relationship. ( Exactly my dilemma - upsetting the mother/daughter relationship . Having said that, she thinks I'm the devil incarnate already so maybe it won't make any difference . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted May 2, 2008 Share Posted May 2, 2008 Often the GP won't report someone as it upsets their patient/doctor relationship. ( Exactly my dilemma - upsetting the mother/daughter relationship . Having said that, she thinks I'm the devil incarnate already so maybe it won't make any difference . Oh dear But she might be happier if she has a genuine complaint against you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 3, 2008 Author Share Posted May 3, 2008 Mum phoned this afternoon. She came as close to an apology as she ever will and admitted to being a difficult old *****. She asked if I would be able to visit dad in the afternoons as she's finding it very stressful staying all day with him. She said she doesn't take kindly to people ordering her to do things and organising things without her knowledge (that old chestnut ) but I managed to get her to acknowledge that she was with me, being fully involved, when I organised anything. She said she had no recollection of that whatsoever but seemed to accept my word. She made some comment about me "putting her in the looney bin" but I made sure she accepted that it wasn't me that did that. She got a bit upset about dad and said that she was glad to be speaking to me again. I tried to get her to understand that I found it upsetting being accused of things I hadn't done when all I had done was try to help and she sort of accepted that. I made the point that often people take their anger out on those closest to them and she admitted that if BB lived close by, he would probably be getting similar treatment. She apologised about the car and said she had checked with the optician who says she's fit to drive . She's phoned three times since, to say she's lost her glasses, that we can have the car back , and then in a slight strop as she'd been looking on the internet and found out that a side-effect of a drug she had been taking but which the hospital told her to stop immediately, is an irregular heartbeat. She's getting slightly worked up about it but I told her to phone her GP next week and speak to her about it. It's a relief to be able to see dad but we'll see how long she manages to stay "friends". She's still going on about his Living Will, how the hospital just ignored it (she never mentioned it and I didn't know it existed - if it does ) and how she doesn't want ANYONE at her funeral, and no words, nothing . Dad has a urine infection again, they think, but seemed brighter to me today. He's taken to having a long lie down in the afternoons to ease the pain of a pressure sore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedusA Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 I'm glad your Mum is being a bit more appreciative (for the time being). I would be cautious about her driving, though. I would definitely speak to the GP about it. If she's on anti-psychotic medication and heart medication and awaiting a pacemaker, I would have thought each of those would be enough to make driving inadvisable. Sorry to hear your dad has a urine infection and a pressure ulcer. Get well soon vibes for him. Hope things settle down soon for you all. *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I guess you have to go with the good times - like now, when she's acknowledging the hurt and pain she's caused you and how unreasonable she's been - and store it up against the next time she 'forgets' all this and lays into you! It's good that she is capable of acknowledging it. Sounds as if she's a bit scared to drive anyway ... I don't know what I'd do in your situation, ultimately it is up to her to make the decision as to whether she's capable or not, and/or to check with her GP. Maybe if you rang the GP they will raise it with her, she's more likely to listen to them. Your poor dad - pressure sores are a nightmare. Hope they can sort his urine infection out, he'll be much brighter when that's dealt with. Big hugs and hope you are managing to have some bank holiday weekend relaxation as well as all this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 6, 2008 Author Share Posted May 6, 2008 Just a quick update, nothing major's happened. Mum is still speaking to me. We've spoken every day (except today) and she's behaving fairly rationally. She's getting herself very upset about the whole thing though, worrying about the money and about how long dad's got left and what she's going to do when he goes. I'm trying my best to comfort and reassure her but it's hard when I can't do a thing about any of it. She's still getting confused about some things - she thought we'd arranged that we would have her car in the afternoons. We didn't . Dad is being seen by the doctor because of the urine infection. He's talking quite a bit of nonsense (possibly due to the infection) but yesterday, he looked out of the window and said "that flag, is it a Welsh flag?" There is a flag flying from the roof of a building next door - I couldn't believe he could see it . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted May 6, 2008 Share Posted May 6, 2008 Nothing wrong with his eyesight, then! If they can sort the infection out, it should help a lot with the confusion. Glad your mum seems to have settled down a bit, it must be a worry for her of course - and there isn't really anything you can say or do that helps. Seems that she does appreciate some of the things you do for her, though. Keep us posted, fingers crossed that there are some calmer waters ahead for a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 I worry when i see that you've posted again ANH, so i'm glad that nothing else has gone wrong. This must be the longest period of time that you and your Mum have been speaking Hope that your Dad's infection gets sorted soon Best wishes as always Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 11, 2008 Author Share Posted May 11, 2008 Mum took another overdose last night. She called me this morning in a state. I went round and she soon came to the conclusion that it hadn't worked (again). She insisted I didn't call anyone (and wrote a letter confirming her wishes). I stayed for a while then she went to bed. I visited dad and went back later. She was still in bed but compos mentis. I said I'd phone tomorrow before work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted May 11, 2008 Share Posted May 11, 2008 Oh heck. Has she been seen by the community team yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted May 11, 2008 Share Posted May 11, 2008 Is she trying to do herself harm or is it more of an attention thing? Poor you, you really need to get some help with her. How's your Dad doing lately? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 11, 2008 Author Share Posted May 11, 2008 The CPN saw her on Friday. Spoke to him myself afterwards and he said he thought she was much the same as last time but seemed to be coping OK. I'm inclined to think it's attention seeking although there's a chance she'll keep trying till she gets it right. She was bleating on about how she's been a horrible ***** all her life and got everything she'd ever done wrong. I suppose I was meant to say "not at all, you're lovely, everyone loves you" but I'm sorry, I couldn't. She said she couldn't understand why we never got on (I got on with her, she didn't with me), badmouthed my brother and her nephew and generally felt sorry for herself (understandably but even so ...) . She did make a comment about my birth mother, saying she felt really bad that she's ended up in a "looney bin" (a nursing home) and that she owed her something ... a baby. She's never said that before, just ranted about how selfish and uncaring I was to have traced her. She's cried wolf so often now, I don't really expect her to do it for real. Maybe she'll prove me wrong. Saw dad this afternoon - he's still pretty muddled and confused but doesn't seem unhappy. Still not eating a lot but is drinking when prompted (asked me for a whisky at 4.30pm today ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedusA Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 Oh dear, ANH. Your life doesn't really get any easier, does it? I do hope your Dad gets over his urine infection soon. It's gone on for a bit. Have they thought about changing the catheter? I'm sure your Mum is just crying wolf, but that doesn't make it any less worrying for you. Hang in there, hon. We're all thinking of you. *hugs* Edited for typos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 take care we are all thinking of you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddie Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 Hi Poet; Things are just going on and on for you; with not much light. Mental illness is the pits; it's worse for the ones on the outside looking in. Yr Mother will not change at this time in her life cycle, unfortunately; but you are the sum of all your parents, and you've done good, girl; either by rebelling, or downright hard thought... Hugs from here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 12, 2008 Author Share Posted May 12, 2008 You're going to give me an identity crisis, Freddie . I'm ANH, not Poet . (Easy mistake, we do have similar post titles ) I tend to believe in nature, not nurture so as I'm adopted I'm hoping I'll not be the sum of my parents . (Dad, I wouldn't mind; Mum, no thanks ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
