Guest Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 Jackie, I think you're thinking of Poet's Dad's tube thingy that shot across the room when he coughed (is that right, Poet?) . My Dad's got all his own teeth so I'd be worried if he'd spat them out . : yes, it was his 'swedish nose'! lol at the bit in bold! my dad played hockey in his youth and most of his teeth got knocked out, so when his mum asked him what he wanted for his birthday one year , he asked for false teeth! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 17, 2008 Author Share Posted May 17, 2008 Well, perhaps the tide has turned (but I'm not holding my breath). Mum phoned this morning. She sounded a bit upset and confused saying memories of last week were coming back to her (like taking the tablets). She said she didn't know I'd been there. She said sorry for being a b**** (so the language hasn't changed ), and she's sure she's going to be better now. She asked if I could forgive her. I said yes, and that I was just happy that she was speaking to me as I only ever wanted to help her. She's still saying things that don't sound quite right, like Dad's on morphine . She says the home asked her if they should "prolong things by giving him morphine for the pain" . She also said they asked my brother but when I said he hadn't been to the home yesterday she said "they must have phoned him". She also said she spent the morning with Dad, but I know she didn't turn up till 3pm . She's still complaining about one of the nurses but just called her nasty rather than a b**** . So, I'll make the most of it while it lasts. It'll be very interesting to see if the pacemaker really does improve her behaviour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 fingers crossed, ANH - here's hoping! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 It could be a step in the right direction. Here's hoping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WitchHazel Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Poor you ANH. Obviously it's good thatg she's realised, but it must be exhausting never knowing how she's going to be. I also feel a bit sorry for her. If she ever genuinely does discover a problem with your dad's care or one of his carers, no one is going to listen to her! <<<>>>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 I really hope the tide has turned with your Mum, we'll be waiting with baited breath Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedusA Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Fingers crossed that the magical pacemaker-effect lasts, ANH. I really do hope things get easier for you hon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 17, 2008 Author Share Posted May 17, 2008 It's early days, so perhaps things will settle down, but apparently on Friday night she was having a good old rant. She maintained she'd been misled about the pacemaker, it was hurting more than she'd been expecting and the "box" was much bigger than she'd thought it would be. She was all set to call 999 but my brother calmed her down . My favourite quote? Apparently I've driven my other mother into a "looney bin" too . Oh, and I haven't visited her for weeks . She was pleasant enough to me this morning but I still think I should keep my distance as much as possible. The more time I spend with her, the more she seems to resent me. We took Dad's armchair from home in today. He looks much more comfy in it. He came out with another different story today about being attacked by somebody and punching him right back The morphine story is rubbish. He's only on paracetamol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 TBH, I think the above proves that she's not on the same planet as you and everyone else! Given that she's made two completely fabricated statements - that your dad is on morphine, and that you haven't visited her for weeks - it just goes to prove that all the other things she says about you are completely false. She just doesn't seem to be able to control what comes out of her mouth. I think you're very good to keep going when she's so unpleasant to you, it must be hard to hear these things from your mum. Just keep smiling and nodding when she talks, and sing 'la la la' inside your head! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 It must be so difficult. There is no way of knowing if her behaviour is just venom, or confusion. Geiven her previous behaviour it is easy to jump to one conclusion, when in fact the answer might be the other one. It could be that your Dad has been "covering" for her for years. What has the CPN done so far? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 18, 2008 Author Share Posted May 18, 2008 It could be that your Dad has been "covering" for her for years. What has the CPN done so far? I think what he's done is let her rant and rave over the years without ever challenging her. To be honest, that's what we've all been guilty of so I don't blame him. It must have been difficult enough living with her in the first place, trying to argue with her would have made his life impossible. He's such a kind, gentle, passive chap that it wouldn't be in his nature to stand up to her. I've never heard him raise his voice or seen him get angry (let's face it, he must be a saint ). The CPN has done nothing except visit her twice since she came out and have a chat with her. He doesn't know about last weekend's "overdose", if there was one. He sounds very nice but he just seems to be checking if she's coping in the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 I think what he's done is let her rant and rave over the years without ever challenging her. To be honest, that's what we've all been guilty of so I don't blame him. It must have been difficult enough living with her in the first place, trying to argue with her would have made his life impossible. He's such a kind, gentle, passive chap that it wouldn't be in his nature to stand up to her. I've never heard him raise his voice or seen him get angry (let's face it, he must be a saint ). That paragraph describes exactly how my parents were. It is uncanny. When my mother surprised herself by upping and dying after 74 years of pretending to be ill and manipulating everyone by feigning a "turn" if she wasn't getting her own way, my wonderful Dad instantly shed about 20 yesrs and had a new lease of life. As did we all. Happy families eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 18, 2008 Author Share Posted May 18, 2008 So she's not unique . I often think my Mum will only ever be happy once she's actually dropped dead . Sadly, it'll be too late for my Dad - I sometimes wonder if he's able to enjoy the relative peace and harmony of the nursing home . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 Let's hope so....although it is small comfort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 lots of love V xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 Still thinking of you V - nothing to add, but I do think about you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 (edited) Well, we've had a week of relative normality but she's reverted to type . I've just had the nursing home on the phone saying that mum spent the morning there but has just stormed off in a huge temper after ranting at the staff. She's saying dad's very unhappy there, they're not treating the sore on his behind properly, and she's going to move him to somewhere else. The nurse said she couldn't believe the way she was behaving and actually asked mum if she was joking . Mum apparently said no, then, "you just want me to tell you you're all wonderful don't you?". The nurse said she asked dad if he was happy and he said he'd be happy anywhere (in other words, he doesn't really mind where he is). I've also asked him and he's certainly not unhappy - he doesn't even really know where he is most of the time. I've reassured the nurse that I don't agree with mum, I think they're doing a good job and I'm not going to let her move him. He really isn't up to it anyway and I don't think it would be at all fair. So much for the pacemaker making a difference - it's not her heart that needs sorting, it's her personality . Edited May 24, 2008 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 Oh dear. It will all blow over and be forgotten in a day or two, going by her previous pattern of behaviour. At least your Dad is reasonably happy. I suppose that is the main thing. Chin up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedusA Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 I'm sorry I have nothing new to add, ANH. I agree wholeheartedly with Egluntine. Your Dad is OK and your Mum is just having one of her flare-ups, which will blow over. It's tougher on you than anyone. Just keep maintaining your sangfroid. *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddie Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 Oh poor you; at least yr dad's safe and content. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 26, 2008 Author Share Posted May 26, 2008 Phoned Mum this evening to tell her the hairdresser will be in the home tomorrow if she wants Dad to get his hair cut. She then proceded to rant about the nursing home and the nurses (she keeps using really derogatory language about two Indian nurses in particular ). According to her they treat Dad like a two year old and are taking out their annoyance with her on him. Whenever she asks about anything, she gets fobbed off. The nursing home is "hell incarnate" and he'd be better off dead. She even said maybe she should kill him . She used foul language when talking about poor Dad and said that nursing homes are punishment for old people who live too long. She then said she wanted to smash the nurses' faces together . I know she's angry and scared but I don't know how much longer I can cope with these tirades - nothing I suggest or say makes the slightest difference. I suggested she has a day off visiting and she agreed, thank goodness. Even Dad talks about her being in a bad mood and falling out with people (it was his mother this afternoon .... she's been dead more than 35 years but it's not a surprise that Mum fell out with her MIL, is it? ). Sorry for posting such horrible stuff, but if I don't I'll never remember what she actually says and I think it's useful to have a record of it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 ....and are taking out their annoyance with her on him. .... maybe you could turn that around on her and tell her to be nice to them in that case if that's what she thinks. The nicer she is to them the nicer they'll be to dad thinking of you, don't know where you get your strength from! xxxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 26, 2008 Author Share Posted May 26, 2008 Tried that . Used the words "cantankerous old bat" in fact. I wasn't suggesting she's one, of course (but if the cap fits ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 ANH - is there any way you could record some of these conversations so that you can involve the Psyche people again? - they obviously are oblivious to the way she operates.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedusA Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 I agree with Lesley, that it would be a good idea to get in touch with the CPN to explain the negative effect your Mum is having on life for your Dad. They may be able to suggest something, such as anger-management therapy etc. Whilst I'm sure the staff at the nursing home, won't be taking it out on your Dad, it can't make their lives any easier having to deal with her tirades and accusations every day. *hugs* as always. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
