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[Chicken Licken]

Please may I have a little rant and some advice please forum folk.

I live in an old row of terraced houses, and lead a generally very quiet and peaceful life, in my spare time I potter between the chickens and my allotment behind my house and generally like a quiet life. My next door neighbours have gone on holiday for 3 weeks leaving their 20 yr old son at home alone, they did warn me before they went that he was having a few friends around - no problem with that.

Anyway today he has not been at work and I am at home due to the school holidays, he has had a constant stream of his mates around - no problem at all, live and let live. Anyway after a bit of loud music and a water fight which involved a lot of water across our shared access, I asked them to please have their water fight elsewhere to cut a long story short his mates were very polite to my face but as soon as I had gone into the house started shouting about me as a lesbian and making abusive hand signals - it is summer, my windows are open and of course I heard. I am not incidentally lesbian, not that it would be any of their business.

They have now quietened down and I am inside seething - am I being unreasonable because I spend so much of my working life explaining to kids that it is homophobic bullying and hate crime, or am I overreacting because they have destroyed my peace and quiet.

I don't want to have a row with them, however they have really wound me up. Grrrr

[little chickadee]

Hugs from over here Hope it all sorts itself out.

[Phonix]

Hugs from me too.

 

I understand how horrid it is to have awful neighbours.

 

A a 21-year old myself I do not think that you are unreasonable in asking them to go elsewhere. You have been plenty reasonable in that you didn't complain about the music and you didn't stop the water fight straight away

 

Any kind of abuse such as that which they shouted was totally uncalled for and as you say both homophobic and bullying.

I blame the parents. Both by brother and myself, and i date say most of this forums users and their children would never think to respond to a request from an adult in such a way and it is a testimony to the way which we were brought up.

 

Im not really sure what I'd do if i were in your shoes.

One one hand I think is it worth saying anything to antagonise the situation further as the parents will be back soon and narmality will resume.

However, i do know, on the other hand, that until they come home it will be unpleasant for you and perhaps uncomfortable.

 

How are things generally (before this) between yourself and the son? Could you discuss this with him?

 

Hope things get sorted and perhaps someone else will have a better idea!

 

Stacey

xXx

[Cate in NZ]

Sounds like a nasty incident and I'd be shaking and angry after a confrontation like that. But I think it may just be a bit of teenage bravado, showing off to their mates, and trying to put themselves in a dominant role after having been asked to stop what they were doing. It is very nasty behaviour, a scarily common kind of scenario these days and one that I abhor. But in terms of your personal safety I'd ignore it for now. If you continue to feel strongly about it it may be worth speaking to the son, and/or his parents at a later date, but that could make for more ill feeling

 

Poor you though, what a horrible experience

 

(Had the boys been drinking btw?)

[Chicken Licken]

Feeling much calmer now having had a browse around the forum. Thank you for advice both of you. There was of course a large element of group bravado, fuelled no doubt by a few beers! I will bide my time and if it still bugs me have a quiet word with the son when he is on his own, and actually it wasn't him, but his stupid mates - his mum and dad would go mad if they knew that there were hordes of local yoof lurking all day and all night - ah well.

[lisa33]

Even so, what a horrible experience.

 

Hope you are ok.

[Olly]

poor you - no, you're not over-reacting, that's totally unacceptable.

Trying to see it from the other side - quite possible that, as you say, it was the mates and not the son, and he is probably horribly embarrassed about it and it was all fuelled by a few beers and teenage bravado.

 

I'd wait until you see him on his own without mates - although my guess is that he will avoid you! - and just mention quietly that this is not acceptable behaviour. He knows that, I'm sure, but it will make you feel better to get the point across.

 

You might well find that he won't have mates over again after this anyway, bet he was mortified.

[Egluntyne]

Horrible for you. I hope you are feeling a bit happier now.

 

What idiots.

 

If his parents ask if there were any problems, I'd light heartedly tell them the truth.

[Seagazer]

How awful for you. As others have said I would have a quiet word with the son when he's on his own and have words with his parents.

[chickenanne]

That's horrible. And so pathetic, too - he's 20 and has a water fight, he's so feeble that he waits until your back's turned before resorting to calling you names. If you were gay, then I'd say it was homophobic, as it is it's just plain pathetic and childish- so playground.

I would definitely speak to his parents later, unless he has the courtesy to apologise to you beforehand.

[Ms Marple]

If you were gay, then I'd say it was homophobic,

 

Sorry to be irritated, but surely sexual persuasion has nothing to do with it. It's an assumption made (incorrectly), but irrelevant, that does not allow them to label you nor anyone else either. My eldest is twenty and was shocked when I told him. I would definitely have a quiet word with him, on his own as I am sure that he is really embarrassed by his friends' behaviour too and is clearly not 'big' enough to say 'Hey Guys, it's not on etc'. He is old enough to have a chat about it without having to involve his parents. We try hard to teach them about the various forms of bullying at school -sometimes with limited effect it would seem.

 

I hope you are feeling happier today.

[chickenanne]

I'm not suggesting that the posters' sexual orientation is at all relevant to how she was treated!

Sure, the fact they see calling someone a lesbian as an insult shows their homophobia, but surely they were wheeling out any name which they would see as an insult. They were saying "we don't like you" not "we don't like you because you're gay". I think that that is completely pathetic; it's like kids in a playground who barely understand what they are saying and why, not like the behavious you would expect from 20-year-old adults.

[hils78]

As & if & when they are out in the garden again I would call the son over in a friendly manner & quietly say to him that you can hear everything that is said in the garden even when you are in the house - so if his friends have any question over your sexuality then you are willing to sit round a table & discuss it openly!

....this will probably freak him out so much that he will keep his friends under control in the future!