Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 (edited) My nearly 9 year old has informed me this morning that he intends to save up his pocket money for the next few months, so he can buy himself a mobile phone. A lot of his friends already have one, and we occasionally give him one of ours if he's going round to play with friends. Chookiehubbie thinks that, as it's his own money he wants to spend, there isn't much we can do about it. However, I personally feel that he is just too young to have a mobile of his own, he'll probably lose it within a week, or he'll be showing it off and get it stolen, or something like that. What do you think, should I be wafting pokemon cards, and doctor who stickers in front of him everytime we go shopping, in an attempt to get him to spend the money, or should I be happy he is mature enough to want to save up for something (at no point has he asked for an advance so he can get the phone quicker)? Edited June 24, 2006 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 We bought my boys mobiles when they started secondary school as they are bus boys and need to be able to contact me if they happen to miss the bus. Tom's really reliable and has had his phone for 4 years without mishap now but Ollie is scatterbrained and the worry was that he'd lose it within the first week so we bought him a really cheap phone from Virgin. I think the actual phone cost something ridiculous like £9.99 and you paid another £10 for an airtime voucher to use with it (I used that with my phone and just bought Ollie £5 airtime instead). If your son desperately wants one to be the same as all the other children, perhaps this would be a reasonable phone to get as it's no hardship if he loses it or has it stolen if it's only cost £10. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I've just spoken to my dad, who has offered to give him his old phone, as it just needs a new sim card. It's pretty old, so is unlikely to attract thiefs, and if it gets lost then there isn't too much of a problem. I feel quite sad now, it seems like only a few months since we brought him home from hospital. Not sure I'm quite prepared to be the mother of a 'big boy' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I feel quite strongly about this mobile phone thing. My children are not allowed their own until the end of Year 9 (aged 14). I have a 'spare' phone which they can have on those occasions when they are out and about on their own. I am lucky that they travel to secondary school on a school bus, so I don't have any issues there. School does not allow mobile phones anyway. They all scream at me for a while about everyone else in the whole world having a phone, but I won't give in. They have one when they need it. But they don't have one to receive text messages on in the middle of the night, they can't contact people outside our home unless I know about it, they can't get back-up from other people if I send them to their room as a punishment. When my eldest got her phone at the end of year 9, I realised I had lost some parental control and knowledge of what my child was doing. I was really shocked to find she had been texting my brother (her uncle) asking him to take her to the cinema (he is into films and so is she, quite innocent). At age 16, I discovered why she was always so tired in spite of going to bed early - her phone was on all night long and text messages were coming in from a man (34) at 2am. He was arranging to meet her without my knowledge. Whilst I know she was 16 and quite a late starter, it has still shown me that it makes possible a whole area of life that parents know nothing about. This could happen to much younger people as well. They still need parental protection and mobile phones help to make it possible for them to 'escape' that. So ChookieHen, if your 9 year old is to have a phone, lay down rules straight away. Perhaps the phone could be left downstairs at bedtime? How will it be funded? Maybe jobs can earn phone credit or pocket money has to cover it? This will make sure he/she understands that it costs money to use it and discourage messaging for messaging's sake. Sorry to be so gloom and doom -ish, but I believe mobile phones enable dangerous situations for our children which would otherwise not be possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieP Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I'm with Ginette here, although of course, I don't have children of my own and don't even own a TV, so could be described as a bit of a weirdo.... OH works for a major mobile phone company (in the IT development dept) and I am disgusted at the way they groom children to want these things. Its not just phoning is it? Its the internet access, texting, MMS, sending photo's that bothers me. It can be a whole secret world to a child that their parent doesn't know about. A parent came into our school last week in absolute bits to say that she had found "obscene" pictures of a boy on her 11 year old daughter's phone. He is apparently her "boyfriend" and they had been sending pictures of themselves to eachother! A friend of mine has a "family" mobile phone, which either of her daughters can "borrow" if they are going out. I think this is a great idea! Control firmly back with parents! I'm sure you'll be sensible with your son Shona, whatever the decision is, but don't let him have it in his bedroom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 My 2 girls (11 & 13)each have a phone on a pay as you goo tarrif,& each of their phones is an old one of mine. That said,Devons is actually a very nice phone which is highly sought after,but we have told her that if she loses it then it is up to her to replace it. They pay for their top ups from their own money,either pocket money or extra earnings by doing jobs about the house. They are bus children,so do need a phone to contact me if the bus is late. Or like today when the eldest is at her School carnival,& the youngest at hers,they phone me to come & pick them up. We are pretty rural here & I feel happier them having a phone on them if they are out & about in the village ....in fact they are not allowed out without their phone. The youngest has been fine with her phone & rarely uses it. The eldest however seems to think it is the most important thing in her life. She had it confiscated at school the other week (quite rightly) for having it out of her bag in the playground. I very regularly check their inbox & outbox to see what they are sending & recieving. We had an incident last week when she had been calling & texting some boy on his moblie,but had got the number wrong.The first we knew about it was when a chap phoned her number threatening to call the police due to her "malicious calls" He seemed to think her had some sort of stalker,& he took a bit of persuading that they were sent in all innocence by a 13 year old It taught Devon a good lesson,as well as scaring the pants off of her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicola H Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I have the same problem Shona Emily who is 9 had asked for a mobile phone...........I thought it was not a good idea but her dad had an old one and let her have that I had to spend £5 to get a new sim card and then put £5 credit on the phone. She wasn't allowed to take it to school but if she was playing at a friends a few doors away she would take it with her, I knew it wouldn't last long she was on it all the time at first then lost interest and now she has drowned the poor thing she took it to her friends and dropped it in their swimming pool............... And that is the end of that she hasn't asked for another and now knows I won't possibly buy her another until she is older and more responsible...........So there you go lesson learnt for Emily and her dad............ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 It can be a whole secret world to a child that their parent doesn't know about. A parent came into our school last week in absolute bits to say that she had found "obscene" pictures of a boy on her 11 year old daughter's phone. He is apparently her "boyfriend" and they had been sending pictures of themselves to eachother! A friend of mine has a "family" mobile phone, which either of her daughters can "borrow" if they are going out. I think this is a great idea! Control firmly back with parents! I have always been concerned about the 'camera' bit and suspected that sort of thing must be happening. Now I know it is! The 'family' phone is exactly what we have. It's really nice Annie to hear someone else agrees with my views. I end up thinking other parents haven't really thought about it properly and have bowed to the incredible pressure from the peer group. It used to be part of the new uniform for secondary school. A parent told me that his year 6 daughter had a phone at Easter 'so that she could get used to using it'! Children have things so early in life now and there seems to be little respect for the fact that children are children and can't be left to their own devices. It's not fair on them. Even with my 17 year old, I find myself saying 'but you're not 18 yet. You are 17 and society doesn't acknowledge you as an adult yet. That is because you still need guidance from your parents.' Since my earlier post DD3 (11) has had another go at me because our 'family' phone is too uncool and can't do all the things that her friends' phones can! We'll never agree, but that's my view! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Thanks everyone - you've helped me make my decision! He can have my dads old phone (the 'brick' as we affectionately call it), and it'll be up to him to pay for a new PAYG sim, and credit. The school has banned mobiles, so it'll be left at home during school time, and he can get it if he's walking to a friends house after school. It's too old to even recieve photos never mind take them, so that's one less thing to be converned about, and it'll stay in my drawer the rest of the time. Does that sound reasonable?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieP Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 This is going off the subjest slightly, but vaguely related: I have noticed that there are so many parents who fear saying "no" to their children. Its as if they are afraid their child will stop loving them, or love them more if they say yes to all their demands. I cannot understand it. Sometimes at work a child will look incredulously at me if I say no to something.....some go ahead and do it anyway. Its as if they have never heard the word before.... sorry folks, rant over! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 This is going off the subjest slightly, but vaguely related: I have noticed that there are so many parents who fear saying "no" to their children. Its as if they are afraid their child will stop loving them, or love them more if they say yes to all their demands. I cannot understand it. Sometimes at work a child will look incredulously at me if I say no to something.....some go ahead and do it anyway. Its as if they have never heard the word before....sorry folks, rant over! You're right Annie! I have no problems saying 'no' normally, but am aware that MY standards appear slightly old-fashioned compared to a lot of parents now-a-days. My children have set bedtimes and mealtimes, even during school holidays, and I don't really want my children to be grown before their time - childhood really is so very short. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieP Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Well said! Good for you too! It sounds like you'll make the right decision for him. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to have your Dad's old phone. Lets hope he doesn't drop it down the loo by mistake! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Lets hope he doesn't drop it down the loo by mistake! You know, it's that old and big, I'm not sure it would fit down there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 You're right Annie! I have no problems saying 'no' normally, but am aware that MY standards appear slightly old-fashioned compared to a lot of parents now-a-days. My children have set bedtimes and mealtimes, even during school holidays, and I don't really want my children to be grown before their time - childhood really is so very short. I'm accused of being old-fashioned too Shona! We have bed-times and meal times, dress codes and other rules too. We must continue to bring our children up in the way we think is right, no matter what other parents are doing. My children are children and I encourage them to be so. I am delighted that my 17 year old is still excited at running around on the beach in the summer and that my 8 year old is always pleased to see me after school and gives me a big hug. We are all adults for a very long time, children don't need to be adult until they are grown up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 (edited) You're right Annie! I have no problems saying 'no' normally, but am aware that MY standards appear slightly old-fashioned compared to a lot of parents now-a-days. My children have set bedtimes and mealtimes, even during school holidays, and I don't really want my children to be grown before their time - childhood really is so very short. I'm accused of being old-fashioned too Shona! We have bed-times and meal times, dress codes and other rules too. We must continue to bring our children up in the way we think is right, no matter what other parents are doing. My children are children and I encourage them to be so. I am delighted that my 17 year old is still excited at running around on the beach in the summer and that my 8 year old is always pleased to see me after school and gives me a big hug. We are all adults for a very long time, children don't need to be adult until they are grown up. I agree wholeheartedly with both of you. What sensible women you are I expect my girls to know how to behave in any situation,be it politeness to older people or sitting at the table in a reasturant. They have small chores every week like cleaning the mirrors or emptying the waste bins,& they only get their pocket money if this is done. On top of this they have to keep their rooms clean & tidy,put their own clothes away & are responsible for their own pets. Some mums I know spend all their time running around tidying & cleaning up after their children,when they are quite old enough to do it themselves. We sit down to eat at the table together (except on Saturday when its supper & Dr Who!) & have fixed bed times I do say no to them,explaining my reasons for doing so. Just this afternoon Cleo (who is 11) gave me some "teenage attitude" in front of a group of other mums at her school carnival. She was told (in front of a group of her friends) that if she ever behaved like that again she would be going straight home She is generally a very polite & sweet girl,but my goodness those pesky hormones are just whizzing around at the moment Edited June 24, 2006 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 She is generally a very polite & sweet girl,but my goodness those pesky horemones are just whizzing around at the moment [/color] You mean it gets WORSE???!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Oh yes!!!!! And that's when you have to be stronger than ever and the rules have to be very clear. I have really felt the need to get advice from other parents with my 17 year old, but have had to make it up as we go along. Simple and obvious is the answer - if you don't get home at the agreed time, then you won't be going out the next time. So simple and obvious, but it took us weeks to come up with it. It works perfectly! Enjoy your children while they're young and establish all the ground rules so that teenage life is easier. It is really helpful to be able to say 'this isn't new, I have always needed to know where you're going' etc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieP Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Its crazy isn't it? There are thousands of books on how to deal with babies, and most new parents will read them, but hardly any on teenagers! Yet they are definitely a different breed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 It'll be fine - I plan to lock each of my children in their bedroom when they turn 13, and let them out again when they turn 21, when hopefully they'll be well-adjusted members of society. That's the way to do it, isn't it?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I would let him save up for the phone if he loses it or it gets stolen, it will be a valuable learning experience Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I would let him save up for the phone if he loses it or it gets stolen, it will be a valuable learning experience My children will buy their own and pay for all the credit, but they still don't have one until they're 14! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 It'll be fine - I plan to lock each of my children in their bedroom when they turn 13, and let them out again when they turn 21, when hopefully they'll be well-adjusted members of society. That's the way to do it, isn't it?! Better make that 11 Shona The Teenage experience seems to come earlier these days Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunee1 Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 This is all good reading,really good advise it makes me feel much better about saying NO to my daughter she's 8 and has not yet mentioned wanting a mobile which im glad about as she is quite nieve and scatter brained She occasionally uses my phone to text her dad or my mum and dad which is fine and she always shows me what she's written. Ps.We have dinner times Bed times Telly times And although we help (coz we love them) she is responsible for the G-pigs It's all important and it's nice to see so many other people agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 I've already said that both my boys have mobile phones which they were allowed to have when they started secondary school. I haven't told you the rules which apply to them having mobiles. *They only use them for emergencies. *They do not lend them to anyone. *They do not let anyone else make a call on their phones. *They don't give out their number to anyone! *I pay for their air time so they can call me if the bus is late or if they've missed the bus; if they are ill at school or if they've forgotten something vital which I need to take in for them. The phones can't be used for any other purpose or they pay for the airtime out of their pocket money! As they both travel for a considerable amount of time for school each day - both the journeys to and from school can take as long as an hour each way, especially on market days - when they're running particularly late or if the bus has broken down which it often does, it's nice that I can either phone them or let them call me to say why they are late as it saves me a great deal of panic (which I'm very good at ) and it's also nice to know that they are contactable in an emergency. They are incredibly sensible with their phones and have not used them other than for contacting me and I'm very proud of them for sticking to my rules. PS - we also have bed times and meal times and they don't have internet access in their bedrooms either - a big no no as far as I'm concerned!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieP Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 What a great bunch you all are! Can I invite you all to move your children to my school? I could do with some more sensible parents! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
