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[carrie]

Thanks for all your replies, especially Ygerna for your honest personal experiences. I have talked to a couple of people but it is so much easier to say things on here as most of us are anonymous.

 

My daughter comes back from Holland tomorrow at about midnight. Although it was very hard to wave her off 20 minutes after I found out it has given us some breathing space, allowed me to find out more, read all your responses and calm down (a bit). Hopefully on Tuesday we will be able to talk calmly.

 

Thanks again for your support, this forum is great and is always a source of amazing info, chat, humour and wonderful advice (not just chickens).

[SAB]

I think you are wonderful for letting her go as I am sure it would have felt punitive to her if you had not - best wishes to you both.

[Yorkshire Pudding]

I have seen many cases of teenage self-harm through work.

 

Some sadly are the result of a friendship group/peer pressure thing, although they are rarely serious and soon pass - it seems an odd thing to do to be 'in' with friends.

 

Others, as many here have said, use self-harm as a way to release stress and tension - with them, finding another outlet is helpful and counselling is often a good route - but only if the young person feels there is a problem to address. We have a number (boys and girls) who speak openly about cutting themselves to deal with tensions in their lives, feel that they have it completely under control, and have no intention of doing themselves serious damage. The ice cube trick has been mentioned to me, as has an elastic band around the wrist to 'snap' against the arm instead of cutting, but the teens I know have said that these aren't helpful to them. I haven't yet come across a young person self-harming with the intent to do serious damage - although I know they exist, they are in the minority by a very long way.

 

Thanks to those who have posted openly and honestly about their experiences here, it is a difficult subject to speak about, but is far more out in the open than it used to be. That, surely, has to be a good thing.

 

I too think you did the right thing allowing her to go to Holland and I hope she has enjoyed the trip. Please talk with your daughter when you can, keep offering uncritical support - it may help her to explain the feelings she had when she did it. Also try to understand that she may wish to speak to someone other than you about it - or may not want to speak to anyone. This is hard for a Mum to accept, the thought of our child wanting to hurt themself goes against our every instinct, but she needs your support not judgement and you have already given this by allowing her to go on the trip. Try to find some support for yourself too, it is a difficult time for you and she may not want to 'let you in' just yet.

 

If she does want to speak to someone else, you may be able to get support through her school, we often refer to counselling services through our school nurse or EWO. In holiday time your GP could do this. However, many cases settle without counselling and don't recur.

 

As Ygerna wisely said, remember, it will get better. Love to you and your family.