4m x 3m Omlet pen, cube, new auto door still boxed and coop light

[carrie]

My daughter has gone off to Holland today with the school band to compete in the world music contest. As she was getting ready I noticed some cuts on the inside of her fore arm. I confronted her and she said they were scratches from a bush, when i pointed out that they were all parallel and that this was unlikely to be caused by a bush she admitted that she had done it with a pencil sharpener blade. She said it was becuse i was shouting at her the other day.

I am so worried, she is 13, I took her to school at 5am for the coach, did consider not letting her go but thought that would be unfair and could make the situation worse.

I don't know what to do, am hoping it is one of these teenage try it once type of things but don't know.

[missuscluck]

At her high school they will have a councling service for the kids to use if they need to speak to someone in confidence. Im not sure but if you ask the school they might be able to put you in touch as a parent if you are worried.

Our school uses these people https://www.kooth.com/ and they have a resident councillor.

 

They are for the kids to use if they like and it will be confidential I expect but they may have a person who could speak to you regards your worries.

Im sure its nothing and just a passing blip. My step daughter tryed it once when she was having a strop about something. She didnt mean to actually do herself any harm but I guess its a way of big time attention seeking.

 

She will have a lovley time away and come back refreshed and happy.

[Alis girls]

hi - i suspect you are feelin worse than she is. I think when she gets back you need to sit calmy and discuss this. There are some websites for this and I will try and find one and post it on here. I come across this a lot in my job, it may be because of the argument and it needs resolving as you cant be treading on eggshells every time u argue and you will it goes with the territory. Your GP can arrange counselling and be aware some girls do this as a collective group thing. Good luck and lots of Love Ali

[Valkyrie]

My son does this. There was a programme about it a couple of weeks ago (I didn't see it, but my mum did - and she told me repeatedly to watch it, but I didn't want to). I first noticed a large scar at the top of his forearm last year. It all tied in with a breakup of his first girlfriend - they'd been together for over a year. This year his new girlfriend and he had hit (and keep on - don't know why they won't call it a day) on a rough patch and I'm not exactly sure what happened, but a couple of months ago he rang me at 2.30 in the morning and said "can you come and pick me up I've done something very stupid", and he was crying. So off I go up the motorway wondering if he had murdered her or somesuch - didn't know what to find when I got to her house. I called on the mobile while waiting outside and he said GF wants you to come inside. He wandered out to the patio for a cigarette - if you please! GF was crying and shaking. He had slashed his arms. He called her on her mobile about 6 minutes before I arrived (he was supposed to be sleeping on the setee) while she was "trying" to sleep upstairs. She told me she had tried to patch him up and to stop the bleeding. He was very agressive - by going on the defence. So the 3 of us went to the hospital. I went in to see the nurse with him. It looked like he had done a few rounds with an angry bear. I was very shocked, but I did hide it. In fact he made me extremely angry. He then started being a smart alec with the nurses - which merited a very calm telling off with a snap (if you know what I mean). While he was being properly sorted, GF and I got to talking outside. Poor kid what a horrible thing to do to her. The hospital kept him overnight and because he didn't show any remorse (well, in other words he was still agressive, but only verbally, and they thought he might do more harm when he was let out) they were getting a psychiatrist to assess him later that morning. When we went there his lordship was very "off" with us and then in came the psychiatrist. He spoke to us all with DS interjecting, then with him alone. Finally he spoke to us again together. Well you could have have knocked me over with a feather - he said there was nothing to worry about, he was a normal teenager with normal issues. He said he felt no closeness between us - well it is very hard to have a cuddle or a chat with an angry teenager and we were on tenterhooks. Plus the chairs were on opposite sides - I would have liked to tell him exactly what I thought about the situation - with a grand total of 10/11 slashes on his arms is not normal to me . So DS was allowed to come home - he had to have his wounds dressed by the local nurse. Luckily he didn't need stitches. After what the psychiatrist said, I don't know what else to do.

You must get it sorted before it goes too far.

[Sheilaz]

Just to add, it's not attention seeking in a spoilt way.

 

Many don't even know consciously why they're doing it & try & keep it hidden, and couldn't give a reason if you asked, having no idea why they do it.

 

They do need attention, but not in a melodramatic sense, it's because they feel so bad inside, they need love & support.

 

Best wishes xx

[TheGirlsMum]

My Goddaughter has tried a few times recently, (she has very real issues to deal with) and she says she sort of goes off into her escape bubble when she does it. Hope this helps.

 

She is desperate for love and understanding from members of her family. She has been talking to me for years and visiting when she can but there is a 500 mile gap.

 

Is there some one your daughter will talk to?

[The Dogmother]

A friend's teenager does this, her case is for 'release'; she says that it 'releases the tension' when she does it.

 

She's having counselling.

[Cinnamon]

This has touched our lives too with one of my girls cutting her arm when she was upset.

 

Happily we talked it through & it has not raised its head again,so I am hoping that this is behind us now

I did think at the time that it was partly done to seek attention as a peer of hers was very into self harm & was getting lots of special treatment at school & home.

That said I am very aware that this may not be the case & that its something that could affect us again at some stage,especially with teen romances & break ups on the cards

[craftyhunnypie]

Poor young people. I never did anything like that, but there were times when I wanted to let off lots of steam & release tension. Perhaps a punch bag or a load of cheap pound shop vases to smash would have been good for me? Sometimes things build up when you are young & it just gets too much. I have been known at my age to scream and strip all my clothes off when annoyed. This then makes me laugh & think - erm what am I doing! Works wonders though. I add, I've only done this twice & in my own home - before anyone asks!

Now you all think I'm a crazy nut! But it's better than causing harm to ones self or to someone else.

 

Emma.x

[Chucky Mama]

I have sent you a pm

xx

[xScrunchee]

Poor young people. I never did anything like that, but there were times when I wanted to let off lots of steam & release tension. Perhaps a punch bag or a load of cheap pound shop vases to smash would have been good for me? Sometimes things build up when you are young & it just gets too much. I have been known at my age to scream and strip all my clothes off when annoyed. This then makes me laugh & think - erm what am I doing! Works wonders though. I add, I've only done this twice & in my own home - before anyone asks!

Now you all think I'm a crazy nut! But it's better than causing harm to ones self or to someone else.

 

Emma.x

 

 

Nothing wrong with that if it makes you laugh and helps you to feel better.

Much better than hurting yourself or someone else-like you said.

Also better than smashing things in your home and having to clean up and replace stuff.

 

Do I think you're a crazy nut?

 

Well I hope you are cos I much prefer crazy folk to the supposedly 'normal' people

[Olly]

I don't have any experience of this, but I recall reading somewhere that - because the pain is a sort of release of tension and feelings - when counselling people who do this, they suggest they hold an ice-cube in their hand till it melts. It sort of gives the same feeling, without the damage.

 

I'm sure you were right to let her go, and she'll be fine on the trip - hope you can talk to her about it when she gets back, and maybe get some help from your GP or the school.

[Valkyrie]

If only my son was like Craftyhunnypie. Er, might raise a few eyebrows though!!!! I tend to write things down and then destroy the evidence. I don't think anyone would survive the shock if I stripped down to the nuddies. I did tell DS to do the same - he does, but doesn't get the release he needs. He does tend to smash things when he is really raging.

However he does have a close friend (a girl that was at school with him - definitely not a girlfriend) that he does go to to talk things through with. In fact he'll talk to anyone but us, but at least he is getting things off his chest somewhere and not keeping it inside to brood away.

[emily95]

3 of my friends do this. I asked them why, and they said they started because they were "bored"/liked it/ and release of tension, and now they can't stop. I asked them if they'd like to stop and not one could answer. I don't know what to do to help them, and they cover it up at school by tying ribbon round their wrists, but everyone knows what they're hiding.

 

Emily

xxx

[Couperwife]

I watched a programme with Meera Syall (sp?) about this a few weeks ago and it was actually really enlightening.

 

one girl who self harmed asked a really interesting statement.

 

she said "when some people get stressed they have a cigarette - no one looks at them like they are mentally ill, no one tries to take them to a psychiatrist, they just accept it - the same with people that drink when they are stressed - this is just my way of dealing with stress, only I dont drink or smoke"

 

it was really interesting listening to another viewpoint that actually sounded quite strangely valid.

 

I dont know how I feel about it, I know I wouldnt be happy if it was my child or loved one though.

[ChrisP]

When I was 14, I had some troubles, and to cut a long story short, I started self harm. The thing is, I was very embarrassed about having done that, and could not bring myself to talk to my parents about it. I know it's nearly the end of the school year, but I cannot reccomend the school counsellors and mentors enough. My school mentor helped me a great deal. Perhaps if your daughter will talk about it with you, then try asking her if she would be interested in going to the GP and then perhaps being referred to a counsellor?

Failing that, if she is close to any of her friends parents, perhaps ask them to have a word?

I do hope everything works out ok

[Scramble]

Even though no-one i know of (including myself) self-harms we did a PSHE lesson on it.

We got shown this website http://www.selfharm.net/

I don't know what to say really, I just hope things get sorted out

Good Luck ((hugs))

x

[craftyhunnypie]

When I got stressed as a youngster, I used to go in my craft shed - put on my music & craft away - usually making cards & keyrings.

I think youngsters have a lot more peer pressures to deal with these days - so they are doing these harmful things to themselves. I feel very sorry for them, as they obviously don't know how to handle things & release tension.

A good cry works wonders & is not shameful at all.

 

Emma.x

[Cinnamon]

I think that something else to take into consideration is that self harm is now an acknowledged problem & publicity by stars like Amy Winehouse, who has been seen with cut scars, have helped some young people to feel more comfortable talking about it.

 

Of course it has also made it a fashionable thing to do, but its good that they can now say that yes, they do self harm, without feeling the sort of shame they may have felt before.

 

A trouble shared & all that

[Lewis]

I've never done it but know friends who have, who will wear bracelets but it makes it more obvious.

I know some people say its because they can control what they are doing, even just for that short time, and it can be a cry for help.

 

I wouldn't like the idea of talking to a counsellor just because it sounds as if you have something wrong with you, but thats just me, and I'd rather talk to a friend.

 

I think you did the right thing by letting her go to Holland, as maybe she will talk to someone whilst there just because its not something you can really talk about in school in lessons.

Maybe just have a day out together doing something she wants to do, to make her feel better?

[kitbag]

I have a close friend that does this. She has had a very hard time at school, and she lied and told me that somebody had shut her arm repeatedly in a door which had created the cuts up her arm. This was because she was ashamed of what she had done. I was just really saddened by the fact that she thought she couldn't tell anyone. I think you have done the right thing by letting her go to Holland - it will give you both a chance to cool off a bit.

[Ygerna]

I have been cutting my arms. Mine is a way to release the anger, directing it at myself rather than my children. Mine self harm is linked to my PND, with medication and counselling I have not cut myself for a few weeks now (though there have been time when the thoughts have entered my mind). I have a special knife I use, but, if I am unable to get to it, I will use anything, even pieces of wood, and on one occasion I smacked my forehead onto the corner of a wall .

 

The reasons people do this are varied, many and very personal, each persons reason for doing it will be individual to them though there may be similarities with others. You did the right thing by letting her go. Find support for yourself now, use the internet, speak to the GP etc When she comes back, you need to seek some support from others for the both of you (I know my husband has been under immense pressure because of my actions-which caused me stress and anxiety-which made me angry at myself-which caused me to cut my arms-it was a self fullfilling viscious circle).

 

Big hugs, its will get better{{}}

[clootie]

Hats off to you for sharing your experiences Ygerna. I hope things get better for you too. x

[TheGirlsMum]

Hope it has helped you to write down what you have done. That takes guts

[SAB]

Although the media tends to concentrate on young people and self harm, people of all ages and backgrounds can do so. It is something that has appeared throughout history and cultures and is more "socially acceptable" in some cultures than others. A very useful website is mind.org.uk where there is a section on self-harm. Please note that the vast majority of people who self-harm have no wish to kill themselves (though do not discount the possibility of someone feeling this bad) and are not usually a risk to others, nor is sel-harm a sign of mental illness (though people with mental illness may also self-harm). If you know someone who is self harming try not to over react (really hard!) and to make yourself available to listen to their distress and to encourage other ways of communicating and releaving their distress; help them look after wounds and do not rush to doctor/hosptital unless wounds are severe or their are other aspects of mental health you are worried about. There is variation across the country as to how well services work with people who self harm and it is worth looking into what is available in your area from health/voluntary agencies/etc, but remember that not everyone will want to attend a service. If you are supporting someone who self-harms, remember to find some support for yourself - whether that be formal, from a friend, or using hobbies. Best wishes.