Patridge bantam chicken poorly foot?

[gooner.girl]

 

(as you can imagine, Mike seems to have bags of patience - and a long-suffering look!!)

 

Charming, probably true... But Humph!

 

(actually, Helen's eyes ARE bright red - but I have removed it so as "Ooops, word censored!"ody gets nightmares...)

 

Thanks Phil, for yet another flattering comment...

 

OK! sorry!! (I just couldn't resist - and I thought it might be a bit too big a shock to the system if I only wrote nice things about you!)

 

here's the truth.. Helen is (believe it or not) a real sweetie..

 

*Helen picks herself up off the floor from where she has fainted in shock...

 

When did you only write nice things about me Phil?! Must have blinked and missed that!

 

Not sure about the 'believe it or not' line but i guess thats as good as its going to get...

 

Just for the record, as it were, Phil is the nicest Bolton fan i have ever met (not that i know many (any?) others!) And he didn't really wee on Kannies garden!

 

So come on then, i'm sure everyone wants to hear your take on yesterdays match.......

[Guest]

Just for the record, as it were, Phil is the nicest Bolton fan i have ever met (not that i know many (any?) others!) And he didn't really wee on Kannies garden!

 

 

(not while you were looking...)

 

So come on then, i'm sure everyone wants to hear your take on yesterdays match.......

 

all in good time.. aren't you at work??

 

I'm writing my report for the Bolton Webzine/Forum.. but it might take me a while.. I have chores to do as well!!

 

Phil

[gooner.girl]

Yes, yes Phil whatever you say.... (humour the old man Martin...) Most were scored by ex "Ooops, word censored!"nal players anyway - where do you think Anelka learnt his silky skills Phil? Anyhow i quote from an "Ooops, word censored!"nal match report about Bolton...

 

We’ve only won two of our past ten outings with Bolton and we made minimal progress today. Their slate grey kit was as tedious as their tactics. Never run for a throw, always walk as slowly as possible to the ball and whoever is furthest away takes it. Don’t make a substitution until the player being subbed is in the far corner of the pitch, then he should run on the spot for twenty minutes on his long way off. Always jump into players when heading the ball, or even when you’re not. Pull shirts at every opportunity, always grab hold and hang onto the ball if your opposite number wins a free kick. If Dean is the ref throw it away. Never retreat the required distance until requested to do so by the ref and then only retreat half the distance. Always take a long throw if in range of the penalty area and always stand on the toes of the keeper. Make sure you’re always in the ref’s face and take a tumble every time you can. If you do go down always clutch some part of your anatomy for 30 seconds minimum before getting up and sprinting away. Holding onto players at corners is also mandatory.

 

 

Says it all really.........

 

H

xx

[gooner.girl]

Just for the record, as it were, Phil is the nicest Bolton fan i have ever met (not that i know many (any?) others!) And he didn't really wee on Kannies garden!

 

 

(not while you were looking...)

 

So come on then, i'm sure everyone wants to hear your take on yesterdays match.......

 

all in good time.. aren't you at work??

 

I'm writing my report for the Bolton Webzine/Forum.. but it might take me a while.. I have chores to do as well!!

 

Phil

 

I'm just on my way in now... I have a late start mondays... *puts on best teacher voice '' i expect that report done by the time i get back from work young (old?) man!'

[Guest]

 

We’ve only won two of our past ten outings with Bolton and we made minimal progress today. Their slate grey kit was as tedious as their tactics. Never run for a throw, always walk as slowly as possible to the ball and whoever is furthest away takes it. Don’t make a substitution until the player being subbed is in the far corner of the pitch, then he should run on the spot for twenty minutes on his long way off. Always jump into players when heading the ball, or even when you’re not. Pull shirts at every opportunity, always grab hold and hang onto the ball if your opposite number wins a free kick. If Dean is the ref throw it away. Never retreat the required distance until requested to do so by the ref and then only retreat half the distance. Always take a long throw if in range of the penalty area and always stand on the toes of the keeper. Make sure you’re always in the ref’s face and take a tumble every time you can. If you do go down always clutch some part of your anatomy for 30 seconds minimum before getting up and sprinting away. Holding onto players at corners is also mandatory.

 

 

Says it all really.........

 

H

xx

 

 

Mmm.. says it all - but not about the right team!! The only Bolton player who went down yesterday for any significant amount of time was Kevein Davies - and he went straight off onto the side to be treated - we played with 10 men for 8 minutes.. the only player to go down clutching part of his anatomy and roll around for ages was Almunia...

 

as for "going down" - hang your head in shame!! Aliaiadiadiaidiadiadaire was BOOKED for diving - and (clearly!! - you must have seen the replays) - Adbayour should have been booked for diving in the penalty area too..

 

As I recall - it was Flamini was was warned by Mike Dean for backchat - getting in the ref's face - not a Bolton player.. (I suspect this report was written before the game was played by someone who didn't actually go...)

 

 

I prefer the headline in the Times Newspaper today:

 

"Direct approach thwarts Bolton"

 

it's supposed to be us who play "direct" football isn't it??

 

(It's my day off!!)

 

Phil

 

here's another snip from an "Ooops, word censored!"nal fan... (suitable asterisked)

 

"Awful match and **** performance, can`t say anything else right now. This match proved once again that we simply can`t vary when we are attacking and putting other teams under pressure at times. Too many players tried to pass the ball into Bolton`s penalty area today, and that suited Bolton perfectly as we are weak physically up front and useless in the air. And, when we broke through on fast breaks, the movement upfront was awful to be honest.

 

Seems like we still do not know how to play this **** Bolton team, and that is disgusting. Thought we roughed them up a bit actually in the 1st half, but then we went to our usual moaning in the 2nd half when Bolton started to play their **** physical football as usual.

 

(sounds like he actually went to the game!!

[Guest]

Just for the record, as it were, Phil is the nicest Bolton fan i have ever met (not that i know many (any?) others!) And he didn't really wee on Kannies garden!

 

So come on then, i'm sure everyone wants to hear your take on yesterdays match.......

 

My match report is complete and on the front page of the Bolton Webzine:

 

(I'm known as thebish over there...)

 

I think it sums it up quite fairly!

 

http://www.the-wanderer.co.uk/

 

 

Phil

[gooner.girl]

Rubbish report Phil! Can't believe you spent all day writing that - its not even accurate! Although, i am briefly mentioned - fame at last!!

(though i think you could have done more with it, ''can't wait to meet up with stunningly beautiful, intelligent, charming "Ooops, word censored!"nal fan and her lovely husband'' rather then ''2 gooners'' - much more descriptive - if not true )

 

Why don't i write one for you to post on the Bolton forum that tells the truth about the game... You see you just write a completely biased view - i'd never do that

 

I haven't seen the replays yet, thats for later tonight... But Aliadiere did not dive!

 

To be fair, a draw was the right result and we were both as rubbish and dirty as each other...

 

I'm going to have a very romantic valentines day - Not! Plonked in front of the telly - Mike will be ''want to go out love?'' and i'll be ''S*d off i'm watching the footy... '' And if we lose........

[Guest]

(though i think you could have done more with it, ''can't wait to meet up with stunningly beautiful, intelligent, charming "Ooops, word censored!"nal fan and her lovely husband'' rather then ''2 gooners'' - much more descriptive - if not true

 

...which, of course, would have been entirely true (I did describe you as a "lovely people" earlier on!! - what more do you want!!)

 

as for Valentines Day - there is a very small part of my brain that is suggesting I invite the Missus for a romantic Valentine's day treat up to the Reebok - and stay overnight in a B&B... it is half-term after all, and the MIL is supposed to be coming over...

 

but then again... she'll never go for it!!

 

as for your version of the game - I still haven't seen that...

 

Phil

[gooner.girl]

Phil wrote...

...which, of course, would have been entirely true (I did describe you as a "lovely people" earlier on!! - what more do you want!!)

 

 

I meant in the report not on the forum Phil!

 

 

Phil wrote...

as for Valentines Day - there is a very small part of my brain that is suggesting I invite the Missus for a romantic Valentine's day treat up to the Reebok - and stay overnight in a B&B... it is half-term after all, and the MIL is supposed to be coming over...

but then again... she'll never go for it!

 

 

Nah... Nor would Mike unfortunately. He's pronounced the Bolton match as the most rubbish game he's seen so far at the new stadium... I explained about Bolton and their 'style' of football and how pants it is but i may have a hard time persuading him back up to the emirates for the league game, let alone going all the way up 'norf' on valentines day

 

You're right though, watching "Ooops, word censored!"nal is just the right way to spend a romantic evening. Offer me tickets to watch "Ooops, word censored!"nal and i'm off like a shot with whichever bloke comes along! Fickle? Moi?! The way to my heart is easy to find...

 

As for my version of the game i'm just sticking with the "Ooops, word censored!"nal World report - much more accurate!

[chelsea]

hi folks !

 

im the same though - Footy match or romantic weekend in a hotel and meal.??...I'd take the footy match every time !!

 

easily pleased me..

[Guest]

Nah... Nor would Mike unfortunately. He's pronounced the Bolton match as the most rubbish game he's seen so far at the new stadium... I explained about Bolton and their 'style' of football and how pants it is but i may have a hard time persuading him back up to the emirates for the league game, let alone going all the way up 'norf' on valentines day

 

there's nowt on God's earth more romantic than a night out in Bolton town centre...

 

 

Phil

[gooner.girl]

there's nowt on God's earth more romantic than a night out in Bolton town centre...

 

And you have personal experience of this do you Phil? *She asks somewhat dubiously....

 

im the same though - Footy match or romantic weekend in a hotel and meal.??...I'd take the footy match every time !!

 

easily pleased me..

 

Glad i'm not the only girl easily pleased Chelsea... Just wish hubby was more into it all...

[Guest]

there's nowt on God's earth more romantic than a night out in Bolton town centre...

 

And you have personal experience of this do you Phil? *She asks somewhat dubiously....

 

aye!!! - but that's another story! When I met my missus - she lived in Rochdale and I lived in Burnley..

 

what could offer more romantic opportunities than that?? A night out in nearby Ramsbottom was always top of the list!! - and then there was always Bury or Wiggin

 

Phil

[Guest]

Nah... Nor would Mike unfortunately. He's pronounced the Bolton match as the most rubbish game he's seen so far at the new stadium...

 

he clearly knows nothing about the beautiful game!!! tell him to go boil his head!

 

(he's only bitter that "Ooops, word censored!"nal fans had to pay more (naturally) to watch Bolton at the Emirates than Bolton fans had to pay to watch "Ooops, word censored!"nal at the Emirates!)

 

Phil

[gooner.girl]

he clearly knows nothing about the beautiful game!!! tell him to go boil his head!

 

Its true he doesn't know anything about the beautiful game, I just showed him your match report and he laughed at parts of it and said you write well.... Weirdo!

 

aye!!! - but that's another story! When I met my missus - she lived in Rochdale and I lived in Burnley..

 

what could offer more romantic opportunities than that?? A night out in nearby Ramsbottom was always top of the list!! - and then there was always Bury or Wiggin

 

How romantic?! Grief, its a wonder she married you! Bet you didn't take her to a Bolton game before you wed - now that would have put her off....

[Guest]

 

How romantic?! Grief, its a wonder she married you! Bet you didn't take her to a Bolton game before you wed - now that would have put her off....

 

she was obvioulsy desperate!!

 

she has no interest in the game - she came with me for the first ever time last season - up at the reebok - we beat Charlton 4-1 and stayed over in a B&B with a night out in Bolton town centre..

 

I know how to show a girl a good time!!

 

her choice would have been a visit to a craft shop - (the type where you buy craft supplies, not ye olde crafte shoppe!) a meal out and a double-bill of CSI on the telly!!

 

she did enjoy the game though - the thrill of being in a football crowd - something she hadn't experienced before. I'm sure she'd be up for a trip to the Emirates one day...

 

(though the Drayton is hardly the most romantic location!! - particularly charming glass-collectors!) We'd have to find a more salubrious pub!

 

Phil

[Martin B]

Phil the match report is fantastic. I really like your style of writing! I was LOL at the ginger eboue and fat VP! Very biased, very good, looking forward to more match reports in the future?

[Guest]

Phil the match report is fantastic. I really like your style of writing! I was LOL at the ginger eboue and fat VP! Very biased, very good, looking forward to more match reports in the future?

 

thankyou Martin!! (Helen secretly agrees with every word)

 

I can only do match reports on London games (the next one will probably be the Watford game) - because those are the only games I can get to easily. So I do more Match Previews than Match Reports.

 

that's the reason that I do the TW-Spy feature on the Trotters page of the Forum...

 

a friend of mine, Gary, also writes on there - he's the deputy editor of 4-4-2 - but on the TW site he writes under a pen-name - "Ooops, word censored!"ody there knows who he is, else he'd end up being asked to do far more than he has time for...

 

Phil

 

ps - have you done my who-scored-the-goal quiz yet??

[gooner.girl]

 

How romantic?! Grief, its a wonder she married you! Bet you didn't take her to a Bolton game before you wed - now that would have put her off....

 

she was obvioulsy desperate!!

 

she has no interest in the game - she came with me for the first ever time last season - up at the reebok - we beat Charlton 4-1 and stayed over in a B&B with a night out in Bolton town centre..

 

I know how to show a girl a good time!!

 

her choice would have been a visit to a craft shop - (the type where you buy craft supplies, not ye olde crafte shoppe!) a meal out and a double-bill of CSI on the telly!!

 

she did enjoy the game though - the thrill of being in a football crowd - something she hadn't experienced before. I'm sure she'd be up for a trip to the Emirates one day...

 

(though the Drayton is hardly the most romantic location!! - particularly charming glass-collectors!) We'd have to find a more salubrious pub!

 

Phil

 

Obviously desperate! Otherwise she wouldn't have married a Bolton fan!

 

I worry about your idea of showing a girl a good time Phil...

 

Craft shops? My mum would go with her to those... Yawn.. I hated being dragged round them as a kid... (sorry Lesley - child )

 

Would be nice to see you both at the Emirates... But i don't know... moaning about the choice of pub... Cor! You can't win with some people. Perhaps we should have taken you to the 'hooray henry' (as i believed you called it) wine bar at the stadium instead?! Honestly, all that effort we made, finding you after you got lost at the wrong shop... I don't know why we bothered?! Humph!

[Martin B]

goal1: A glorious 35yard drive into the top left hand corner, beating the goalie all ends up -Anelka

 

goal2: A scintillating defense-splitting pass that sends the pacey striker screaming towards goal before cooly slotting past the despairing keeper - Anelka

 

goal3: A thumping header from a Centre-back from a well-worked free-kick

-Bolton

 

goal4: A scrambled header from a corner, deflected off a defender's leg

-"Ooops, word censored!"nal

goal5: A scabby header from a corner that loops in after bouncing off the turf...

-"Ooops, word censored!"nal

 

goal6: An intricate passing move on the edge of the area which leaves the defense standing and results in a tap-in past a despairing goalie and near-post defender... - Nolan

 

 

[Guest]

that's right Martin!!!

 

that's three goals from open play and a set-piece goal to Bolton

 

and...

 

(let me just count them up...)

 

two set-piece goals for "Ooops, word censored!"nal

 

same old Bolton... same old "Ooops, word censored!"nal, eh??

 

Phil (just like watching Brazil!)

[gooner.girl]

Phil, Phil, Phil... *shakes head sadly... You really haven't a clue have you...??? Bless.

 

I think you'll find that when it comes to looking at our respective sides end of season DVD's we will have scored way more spectacular goals then your lot.

 

2 games of good goals do not a season make you know...

[gooner.girl]

Actually in all seriousness, let us know when you write some more stuff for the Bolton forum Phil, you do write well, even if it is a load of codswallop!

 

Have to say i am quite tempted to go on said forum, under alias and start winding things up but will resist the urge.....

[Guest]

Phil, Phil, Phil... *shakes head sadly... You really haven't a clue have you...??? Bless.

 

I think you'll find that when it comes to looking at our respective sides end of season DVD's we will have scored way more spectacular goals then your lot.

 

2 games of good goals do not a season make you know...

 

nah.. not a chance!!

 

but, like any fan - I'll cheer a scabby scuffed deflected goal just as loudly as a 40 yard screamer..

 

talking of which, Martin...

 

do you remember those awesome freekicks that JJ scored against Villa a few years back??

 

must have a look on youtube...

 

here's the best of them.. absolutely smacks it!!!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRYTPnyPvA0

 

happy days!!

 

Phil

[Snowy]

there's nowt on God's earth more romantic than a night out in Bolton town centre...

 

 

Phil

 

Oh Phil, you obviously went to the same charm school as my OH!

He took me on several 'romantic' nights out in Bolton

But his favourite was Th'Owd Vets in Farnworth. And I still married him!