Solitary chicken - need advice

[The Dogmother]

After your humans give you a bath, don't let them towel you dry! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your human's bedtime.

 

Act like a convicted criminal. When your humans come home, put your ears back, with tail between your legs and chin down, and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. Note: This works best when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.

 

Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.

 

Help your humans learn patience. When you go outside to 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.

 

Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo.' Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

 

When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.

 

Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.

 

Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).

 

When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.

 

Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)

 

 

Lurcher Property Laws (so very true):

 

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours.

[Lesley]

I can't type for laughing now

[The Dogmother]

Had me in fits too.

 

The Lurcher property laws is on my fridge

[coco]

The lurcher rules work for a GSD as well.

[Space Chick]

And an ageing terrier

 

I think that Henry wrote these rules......

 

 

Help your humans learn patience. When you go outside to 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.

 

This is a particularly popular approach last thing at night

 

 

When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.

 

Yes, make me look like a cruel mum

 

When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.

 

Unless I shake the biscuit box, and suddenly speed is essential

 

Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)

 

Whoever invented this rule was a light weight, generally its around 5.15am that I get the alarm call these days

 

 

Thanks for a great laugh Claret