How can I find my old pictures?

[jill the potter]

I'm no family relationship expert but it wold seem to me that your brother is jealous in some small way

 

At the end of the day we are only here for a short time, and having lost both parents early on and both siblings living on the other side of the world you need to let your feelings be known. You don't have to scream and shout just quietly say that you feel hurt by all the missed invitations. Lets face it, and as the saying goes, we only regret the things that we didn't do not the things we did. You might find that none of the hurt has been intentional, just thoughtlessness, and it would be sad to think that you go on for how many more years thinking it was!

[Dodge]

Reading this post, to me it sticks out like a sore thumb what's going on here. This is my view of what I think has happened and I do not wish to upset anyone but to put forward a viewpoint not discussed so far.

I understand that you were very upset when your mother had her accident and that you could not cope with what happened to her and her deteriorating health leading to her death. However I think that both your brother and sister saw your reluctance to visit your mother because you were too upset, was in fact because they thought you did not care and was too busy with your own family and had no time for your mother. They thought you were being selfish and because your sister is a nurse she has resented you not helping her and she has relayed this to your brother.

It looks like they have made a pact to freeze you out of anything to do with your father, because in their eyes you did not share the responsibility of looking after your mother and helping to take some of the burden off them. They now both resent the way you behaved regarding your mother and are determined to shut you out.

If I am right then you will find that once your father has passed away then they will have nothing to do with you at all.

Now I have to say that it is obvious to anyone reading this post that as far as you are concerned, that this is a load of rubbish!! and nothing could be further from the truth.

But I think that this may be the reason why they are treating you like this.

I do think that you need to sit down with your brother and sister and ask them straight why they are freezing you out. You will have to be confrontational in order to get to the bottom of this.

Good luck and God bless.

[Tiggy]

Families as normal there is a lot of good avice & common sense on here, I hope the family meal goes well wherever it takes place.

 

I am the eldest of 4 sisters and know how it feels to be kept away from family gatherings, one of my sisters has recently gone to counselling and has told me that she hated me all of our lives because she felt I was given more attention/affection than her, she now realises that this was not so. She is 47 now, and will only speak to me by e-mail but its a start. I have given her lots of space, I needed it. Eventually you begin to realise that you have to preserve your own sanity.

 

Your brother may genuinely not realise how his behaviour is hurting you, in which case it shouldn't be a problem discussing it. Good luck

[chickencam]

Talking things over need not be confrontational, I think that there are so misunderstanding in relationships which could be solved by letting people letting each other know how they feel. I know how you feel, I grew up in a family not big on emotion either physical or spoken, I too have done my best to redress that balance as a parent and wife.

 

It does sound like your brother does feel insecure and as a result feels the need to make your father his own. You need to speak to him about how this makes you feel ideally or let it all wash over you, or it will continue to eat away at you and your immediate family.

 

Good luck, families are complex things.

[C&T]

Like others, I would also talk to your brother - and sister. Even if they deny it at time of conversation, it doesn't mean that they won't mull over what you say at a later date. And they may not be talking to you about a perceived issue because they are saying the same thing about you - i.e. you won't talk to to them. (It's what happened in our family at one point!)

 

Whatever the outcome, don't let your relationship with your Brother/Sister ruin your relationship with your Dad. You love each other, and that is unlikely to ever change. He is probably stuck between a rock and a hard place - and in the same way he won't hear a bad word about your brother from you, he may also not hear a bad word about you from your siblings?

 

And maybe your Dad's gesture about going out is a genuine one - and he isn't missing the point, but not sure what else to do? He has 3 lovely (in his eyes!) adult children, with a number of issues who aren't getting on - not easy to deal with. Much easier if you were all still under 10 yrs old, and the dispute was over who ate the last chocolate!

[Cinnamon]

Dodge,that is very astute of you & I am certain that you are totally correct.

They have also conveniently forgotten that I dealt with all my Mums paperwork,her estate,her nursing home & her finances on my own with not one offer of help either physical or financial (paying for her funeral) from them.

It was a dreadful task,very time consuming & soul destroying,especially dealing with the courts.

I am also they only one to have had any contact with my step father,as they despise him & blame him in some way that I am yet to fathom for her accident.

 

I think that my next move is going to be to have a gentle word with my dad about the arrangements he has made. I suspect that we will all be joint executors,& I tell you now that I will fight their burial plans with every last drop of strength in my body.

 

I am going to lock this now,as I think that I have had all the great advice I need for the moment.

Thanks all