Eglu Cube Coop For Sale

[soapdragon]

(I sorry if I'm going off piste too much but I really am enjoying this)

 

You go for it, girl! It's a darned sight more interesting than The Archers and you can tune in at any time

[dancing cloud]

The locals looked at the two females, who looked back beseechingly. "What're you doin' wi' them?"

 

"Couldn't just leave them at home" said the gangster "Don't know how long this'll take. We'll give them a bit of food and water and put them to bed"

 

"Can't they just go in with the others?"

 

The gangster gave him a look. "You obviously know nothing about introducing chickens" he said ...

[Alis girls]

One of the captives was Jane , the other was an unknown girl. ( Well don't blame me I haven't a clue what's going on) .

"Okay what do we know about this PET system "barked the biggest thug who had a mum tattoo and a few ear piercings. He also had BO and halitosis. Jane who was held in his grip shuddered. This guy obviously had no relationship with deodorant or soap.

"PET is where the birds do sort of tests to see which ones are the brightest, thick ones are slaughtered but the bright gals we breed from and get a bird with good looks n brains"

"Not like my missus then " said a skinny herbet in badly fitting jeans " she's a dopey bird" much guffawring was heard.

Jane and the unknown female were bundled into a small room. A mug of tea and some biscuits were put on the floor next to them. The door shut behind them. Jane looked at the girl next to her "who are you?"

[Olly]

'Comment?' said the girl. Then she said rather huskily 'I don' speak ver good English. Do you speak Francais?' Jane shook her head. Her focus for A levels was all on science as she was hoping to become a vet.

 

Jane looked around the room - more of a cupboard really, it had obviously been used for storing some old office supplies and furniture. There was one small window, too high to see out of. It looked as if it would be a long night.

[soapdragon]

'Alors'! Jane's fellow captive remarked. 'Je suis Florence Clounie (sp ), I am the niece of the detective Georges. I am 'ere as an Au Pair. I am working dans le Manoir de Twizzlers pour le famille Mathieues. Last evening I am going to le village shop pour les eccles cakes et les Cornish pasties - J'adore English pastry - but when I am coming back....bouffff on the 'ed and maintnant I am 'ere'. Florence shrugged the typical Gallic shrug. She reached into her large shoulder bag and pulled out a crumpled, grease smeared brown paper bag. 'Eccles gateaux, mon cherie?'

 

Jane felt even sicker....and still no nearer working out why she and Florence were incarcerated. She started suddenly as the sound of heavy footsteps drew nearer. Perhaps now all would become clear.....

[Alis girls]

Florence and Jane clutched each other in the gloom. The door opened and light flooded in. Both girls blinked - a man with a shaven head barked "which one of you is Sophie Pollo?"

Jane stared at him "neither of us - my name is Jane and this is Florence - shes French".

The man scowled and shut the door - Jane rushed forward and banged on it "no no no - let us out they will be looking for us"

something under her foot squelched - all too late she realised it was an Eccles cake

Morning came - chilly and frosty and Beryl arrived at the farm at 5am. She felt she should get to the farm to feed and water the searchers and the guests and open up shop.

Georges ambled into the kitchen in his housecoat. "bonjour Beryl"

Beryl smiled and told him there was no news.

She handed him a strong cup of tea. Georges grimaced and eyed a pot plant, then the dogs bowl. He caught the dog glaring at him crossly and guessed poor lad had been on the end of many of Beryls brews. He patted the dog and spooned sugar in to make it palatable. A small tabby cat jumped onto his lap and made him jump. Georges liked cats and this one was pretty with huge eyes, she reminded Georges of a gremlin with her saucer eyes.

Boots stamped outside and the door opened and in walked the search team.

"any news? " asked Beryl.

[Olly]

Phil looked grim. 'There's no trace of Jane' he answered. 'We've searched everywhere - "Ooops, word censored!"ody's seen her since yesterday. It's as if she just vanished into thin air'.

 

Beryl clucked. 'You must be frozen - come over here and warm up by the fire, while I make another pot of tea'. 'Mon Dieu, Beryl - you know I only drink coffee' Philip groaned. He turned to his guest 'so you must be Georges? I'm sorry I wasn't here to meet you, I'm sure Beryl has explained what happened. And you are convalescing aren't you, I do hope you're feeling better.'

 

Just at that moment, there was a knock at the farmhouse door. One of the villagers who'd been in the search party looked in, eyes bright with excitement. 'Guess what! There's another girl gone missing - that au pair from up at the Mansion!'

 

Georges gasped and Beryl and Phil turned to look at him.

[soapdragon]

The strident ring of Georges' mobile 'phone shattered the shocked silence as the frightened cat fled from his lap. 'Excuse me' Georges made rapidly for the door, tea in hand; ever the quick thinking detective he reasoned that there would be myriad places to dispose of the foul brew out in the yard. Indeed, even as he reached for the connect button on his 'phone with one hand he swiftly emptied his mug over a pot of dessicated geraniums by the door with the other; let the plant take the tannin...he certainly couldn't.

 

Beryl and Phil remained motionless each with their minds whirling. Phil couldn't understand what was going in in their normally tranquil lives. Beryl was mentally counting the pathetically small stock of tea bags. With the likely arrival of members of the constabulary at some point in the near future she feared that the four catering boxes just would not be enough.

 

Georges burst through the door, disrupting their reverie. His face was ashen as he sank down on the nearest chair. 'Ooooh, me duck' Beryl twittered, 'you look like you've lost half a crown and found sixpence'. Georges gazed at her in confusion; what on earth was she blethering on about? 'It's my niece, Florence' he explained. 'She works as an Au Pair locally; I was planning to surprise her with a visit later today but that was my sister calling from France. She has just heard that Florence has been reported missing by her employers, The Matthews family. She had only gone to the village shop but, when she didn't return, they went to look for her and all they found were some tyre marks on the verge and a trail of pastry crumbs.'

 

Beryl flopped down into the Windsor chair by the fire; shocked at the news of a second dissapearance. Phil squared his shoulders and pulled himself up to his considerable height of 6 foot 5'. 'Right' he said...the police will know about Florence but not Jane. I'll ring them now.' He grabbed the 'phone and began dialling leaving Beryl to fret over the tea stocks.

Edited December 16, 2016 by Guest

[Alis girls]

Poor Phill has shrunk with worry. He was 6 ft 5 at start

[soapdragon]

Poor Phill has shrunk with worry. He was 6 ft 5 at start

 

Corrected!!!!!

[Olly]

 

Jane and Florence huddled together in the dark. They had eaten all the pastries and no sign of anything else had come their way. At one point they heard the sound of an engine revving outside and occasionally they heard voices but "Ooops, word censored!"ody came near their room. As dawn began to filter through the little window, Jane surveyed their surroundings. She managed to move an old office chair under the window and by clambering on to it she was able to peer out. All she could see was a dingy concrete yard and some farm buildings, with mist swirling around them. Something seemed familiar, though ...

[soapdragon]

With one disapearance already reported it didn't take long before CID were knocking at the farmhouse door. Beryl bustled to open it and stood back to admit a portly man in middle age, exuding an air of authority and Aramis. Beryl stood back, eyes watering. 'Good morning, everyone. I am Inspector Proudfoot and I understand that there are two missing girls?'

 

Beryl, Phil and Georges all started to speak at once making Inspector Proudfoot hold up a hand for silence. 'One at a time, please. You will all need to give a statement in due course and that's why I am accompanied by Sergeant Wallis and WPC Thompson.' He gestured to the two uniformed officers who were lurking in the doorway; 'Tea, everyone?' enquired Beryl with a hopeful expression.

 

'Thank 'ee kindly, Ma'm' replied the Sergeant, beaming 'I don't suppose there'd be any cake on offer, my Luvver?' he asked hopefully in a broad, treacly soft Devon accent. (Sergeant Wallis' distinctive West Country burr was a mystery to his colleagues at the station given that they were well aware that he had been born and brought up in Burton upon Trent, having never been further west than Didcot whilst on a Scout trip to the railway centre at the age of 11. Unfortunatley, due to a misunderstanding with a woggle and a marmite sandwich, the trip had been curtailed leaving him little opportunity to converse with the natives.)

 

Suddenly there was a commotion from the yard. Beryl hastened over to the window to see what the noise was. 'What on Earth...' she spluttered. Inspector Proudfoot coughed delicately. 'That will be the sniffer dogs. I thought it best to call them in before the trail goes cold'. Beryl's shoulders shook as she peered out through the somewhat grimy casement. 'Since when have sniffer dogs been chiuauas?' she giggled. Inspector Proudfoot bridled. 'An excellent breed for the job, madam' he said defensively. 'They are closer to the ground, can fit into very small spaces and, err.....are easy to transport' he finished somewhat shamefaced.

 

'Eukanuba' exclaimed Sergeant Wallis under his breath. Phil looked at him quizically. 'Tis all down to budget, see' Wallis explained quietly to Phil and Georges. 'Them bloodhounds have huge appetites whilst them little ones 'll go all day on a sniff of Pedigree Chum. Add that to the saving on poop bags and you've got enough in the kitty for one o' they fancy leather swivelly chairs for the Inspectors office'. 'Wallis' barked Inspector Proudfoot suspiciously 'Stop muttering and go and get the dog handlers organised'.

 

'Right you are, Sir' the Sergeant made his way rapidly towards the door, winking at Phil and Georges on his way. 'I'm off d'rectly to unleash the chiuauas of hell!' he grinned.

[soapdragon]

Sorry, have just realised that I may not be taking this quite seriously enough...D&R!

[Alis girls]

Dont think they will commit to telly. If so it would be a long the lines of little Britain I r the two Ronnies.

[Alis girls]

Beryl dished out tea like a dervish. The dogs sat down by the fire and warmed their cockles. They were exhausted.

The detectives organised groups and allocated a dog each. George's was leading one group. He felt nauseous and bilious due to Beryls attempts to get him to like tea. The groups shuffled off into the night. The dogs were wearing little coats with sniffer written on it.

Beryl finished washing up and started to dry the cups. She turned to the cupboard and jumped there in the corner was a figure in black. The cup hit the floor smashing into a hundred pieces. Beryl screamed " oh my gawd you frit me to death, run and you"l catch em up me duck" too late the handkerchief with chloroform on it came over her face and she collapsed into his grasp. The cat with the big eyes watched and shrank back into the corner of the room fearfully.

[Olly]

Georges stared into the darkness - the tiny chihuahua's fluorescent jacket could just be seen as it scampered eagerly up the lane. Phil materialised beside him. 'Bloomin rats on leads' he muttered. At his side Cringe uttered a deep-throated growl, whether indicating agreement or otherwise, Georges couldn't tell. At a faint yelp ahead they quickened their pace. Phil shone his torch on the ground. The chihuahua was snuffling at a paper bag that looked as if it contained the remains of a Cornish pasty.

 

'Leave it!' ordered Phil. 'See what I mean? These things are useless as sniffer dogs - it's just after food'.

Cringe gave a faint whine.

 

'No, wait!' said Georges. 'I think the dog may be on to something. See this?'

 

He pointed to some deep footsteps in the mud, slightly trampled as though there had been a bit of a scuffle. His torch picked up a tiny glint of silver under some dead leaves.

[patsylabrador]

The door to the room that was holding Jane and Florence was opened by two men wearing dark clothing and what could have been guns were slung across their shoulders. The girls were cold, hungry and shivering with fear. They were forced to put on blindfolds and pushed outside and along an uneven and slippery pathway.

They stopped and a door was opened and they were guided inside. The sound inside was very unsettling, the crying and moaning of what sounded like other women.

Each girl was laid down on a bed to which she was shackled and only then we're the blindfolds removed.

What they saw was horrifying.

Several women were in the room with them, they looked grey and ill. Jane only recognised one figure, that of the comatose Beryl.

The men left and Jane and Florence were able to ask questions.

"We're being farmed.....for our hormones", wheezed out a woman across from Jane, "for the chickens......I want to go home." She started to cry. Judging from her appearance, she did a lot of crying.

The door was flung open and to Jane's amazement Sophie Pollo was dragged into the room. She was forced to a bed by two angry men.

"You shouldn't of crossed the boss and you shouldn't of made us look stupid" growled one of the men.

"HAVE!" shouted back the other man "it's have, you shouldn't have.... how many times? Give me strength".

[Olly]

 

"Are you inferring I'm thick or something?" demanded the first man angrily?

"No" replied his companion wearily. "I'm implying you're thick. It's you who's inferring it ".

 

 

 

sorry - I know it's an old one but I couldn't resist it!

[soapdragon]

'Will you two stop being pedantic and get on with it?' a commanding voice called from the doorway. 'We have work to do here and there is no time to waste'.

 

'Oi' cried the ever strident Sophie Pollo loudly. 'Who EXACTLY are you and what is going on here?' You can't get away with this, I know too much about you and your dastardly scheme. You've lied to me before but this time you have gone too far. Kidnapping me was never part of the plan. If you had stuck to our agreement we'd be quids in and well away from the scene by now but no, you had to do things your way, didn't you, you swine?'

 

'Oh my dear, you were so easy to gull, so trusting,' the dark, husky voice replied from the shadows. 'I have been planning this for a very long time. You were always meant to take the rap - how easily you were drawn into my web. I have always wanted to utilise all these wonderful cliches and you have given me the perfect opportunity!'

 

'Wait a mo' cried one of the 'heavies' in panic. 'What's that yapping noise?' Silence fell as everyone in the room strained their ears to hear the faint high pitched barking which seemed to be getting louder by the minute.

[Olly]

The glint of silver had proved to be a charm from a bracelet, a tiny croissant. 'That's from the bracelet Florence had for her 18th birthday' shouted Georges. 'We gave her that charm to represent her love of pastries and cakes'.

 

Phil's eyes narrowed. 'Maybe there's more to these chihuahuas than meets the eye' he muttered.

 

'I think the Cornish pasty is part of the trail', Georges added 'it would be typical of Florence to be trying out the local food. Let's see if the dog can get a scent from it'. They turned round, but the bag had vanished. Cringe gave a low, apologetic whine. From the corner of his mouth protruded a sliver of white paper ...

 

'Never mind' said Phil, hoping "Ooops, word censored!"ody would notice that his dog had destroyed vital evidence. 'This lane only leads in one direction - to Pollo Poultry'. They shouted to the other search parties to follow them.

[dancing cloud]

"The happy yap of small dogs" said the commandingly husky voice "A light snack for between meals".

 

"Who are you?" asked Jane "What do you want with us?". "Trust me, you don't want to know" said Sophie.

 

"Come now" said the voice soothingly "She's entitled to the truth. It's not like anyone would ever believe a word of it".

 

The shadows moved and the outline of a shape became clearer as the owner of the voice stepped into the doorway. Some of the women sobbed quietly, Sophie's beautiful eyes narrowed, Florence stared, Jane gasped "But you're ..."

[soapdragon]

'Dead'

 

supplied the figure with a menacing grin. 'And, with virtually the whole village having only recently attended my funeral, that is exactly why no one will suspect me. All I had to do was to lie low for a few weeks using some of the contacts I have been quietly making in anticipation and now I am free to put all my carefully laid plans into operation.'

 

Sophie stifled a sob 'But you told me that things were getting too hot for you in England and that you were planning a new life abroad' she said accusingly. 'The only reason I got involved in the whole 'fake death' scenario was because I thought you would be gone for good and I'd never have to see your ugly face again.'

 

'You always were too trusting for your own good, Sophie' snarled the figure taking a menacing step towards her. Sophie cringed back as the hand stuck her across the face.

[Olly]

Jane gasped and then froze in terror as the figure turned towards her.

'Ah, Jane! I didn't think we'd find you here. That's what happens to interfering little girls who poke their noses into other people's business' the figure said threateningly. 'You should have stayed away from Pollo Poultry'.

 

Jane nodded mutely. She tried not to let her face show any emotion. The yapping sound outside had gradually been getting louder, and behind the shoulder of the managing figure, in the darkened yard outside, she thought she saw a flash of light as if from a torch. She must keep them looking at her; willing them not to turn round. she was desperately trying to think of something to say to keep their attention.

Edited December 25, 2016 by Guest

[soapdragon]

Jane threw a warning glance at the sobbing Sophie. Tears streamed down her face from the humiliation of the blow. Her once immaculate make up was now smeared across her face and the designer clothes were torn and dirty; she cut a very different figure to the smartly dressed businesswoman who had barged into Phil's kitchen with her 'offer' to purchase.

 

She seemed totally broken at the revelation of the figure behind their current plight. A shaft of light illuminated the hard face of their captor; the features were Sophie's own but the expression far more evil than even Sophie had ever managed. Sophie was a hard businesswoman but never a ruthless killer like her twin sister..............

[sarahjayne]

Waiting patiently for the next instalment. (sorry I won't join in as I have absolutely no imagination!)