Patridge bantam chicken poorly foot?

[Guest]

My (soon to be ex) husband has finally started divorce proceedings.

 

After we separated in 2006 I got a financial settlement and paid him £7500 as a final settlement. He told me when he sent the divorce papers that his solicitor is now saying this holds no legal weight as it wasn't signed in court. In fact he never even got solicitors advice at the time as he "couldn't afford it" and was gagging to get his hands on the money. I was under the impresssion then that he had sought legal advice.

 

His solicitor has sent me a "notice of consent" stating that I consent to the issue of a divorce petition on grounds of speration and the granting of a Decree Nisi. The details of the date we seperated are wrong by over a year and my name is spelled incorrectly (and there are 2 typos on it!) so I am sending it back for corrections. The accompanying letter makes not mention of finances or our son but urges me to seek independant legal advice. I've already informed my (stb ex) husband that I can't afford a solicitor at present and will not be signing anything until I can.

 

On the phone just now he told me that the solicitor has told me if I don't sign they will send an "enforcer" to make me sign. I strongly suspect he is talking out of his bottom - having been in the pub all day with his idiotic drunken friends.

 

I don't have to consent to a divorce at all do I? If I really wanted to be awkward I could refuse to consent and then he would have to wait another 3 years before he could divorce me?

 

I think his girlfriend (who is lovely) may well have booked a wedding hence the sudden pressure.

 

I also think I shouldn't sign ANYTHING without legal advice which I can't afford. He of course is using the "legal help scheme" I would be entitled to no help.

 

Anyone got any advice for me??

[Janty]

I would try to get legal help. If you cannot afford it at the moment you may be eligible for emergency legal aid. Although I was working as a teacher when I started divorce proceedings, I couldn't afford a solicitor so I got emergency legal aid. I had to pay it back but it helped in the beginning.

 

I can't advise about money, I'm afraid, as I didn't hand anything over to my ex until everything was signed at the solicitors. He received his cheque when he signed the forms stating that he would have no further claim on me financially.

 

Best of luck getting rid of him painlessly,

 

Jan

[Clur]

My friend is going through divorce proceedings at the moment and her husband is dragging his feet for as long as he can as he's holding out for money. He won't sign the divorce papers but I know he has 21 days to do so or be served papers by bailiffs which then is taken as proof of receipt and proceedings can continue.

 

I know it's expensive but you should get professional advice as soon as you can. If nothing else, to document how much you gave him in settlement previously. If neither of you have any documentation to prove this settlement, it may be difficult for you so you need advice asap.

[AnnieP]

I am not an expert, but I believe anybody can get a divorce at any time. The other person does not need to consent, nor do there have to be grounds as such, since a citing of "irreconcilable differences" is impossible to deny or refute. The two year thing about then being able to have a blameless divorce is nonsense, as there still needs to be a reason, and it would be a complete waste of time to refuse, since it can be enforced.

 

I strongly suggest you see a solicitor (the first consultation is usually free), or go to citizen's advice, or find a divorce forum!

[hilda-and-evadne]

I don't have to consent to a divorce at all do I? If I really wanted to be awkward I could refuse to consent and then he would have to wait another 3 years before he could divorce me?

 

It doesn't work like that now. You CAN resist but he will be granted the divorce anyway AND costs will be awarded against you. Being awkward will merely increase the amount YOU have to pay him to reimburse his legal fees.

 

You need to go along to a solicitor and pay £50 (is it still £50, or £80?) for an initial consultation.

 

Edited to say: I wanted to soften this somehow but I don't know how to - I hadn't done ANYTHING that would have counted as grounds for divorce 40 years ago but it was still a cakewalk for my former husband - when it was happening to me, after four months not consenting I realised that I could be either divorced and bankrupt or divorced and not bankrupt. (My former husband had huge business debts from before I met him and owned absolutely nothing. Whereas I owned the flat we lived in. I thought I was going to lose the flat but my solicitor pointed out to the court that my husband had never contributed to the mortgage. It's for things like that that you need a solicitor's knowledge.)

 

In your place, I would concentrate on moving forward and having a lovely life. That is far and away the best "revenge". (My husband lost his job shortly after the divorce that he himself had initiated, and seems to have had so few options that he went back to his first wife - the one he told me that he was terrified of, who had defrauded him, blah blah blah.)

Edited October 18, 2008 by Guest

[Guest]

I would try to get legal help. If you cannot afford it at the moment you may be eligible for emergency legal aid. Although I was working as a teacher when I started divorce proceedings, I couldn't afford a solicitor so I got emergency legal aid. I had to pay it back but it helped in the beginning.

 

I can't advise about money, I'm afraid, as I didn't hand anything over to my ex until everything was signed at the solicitors. He received his cheque when he signed the forms stating that he would have no further claim on me financially.

 

Best of luck getting rid of him painlessly,

 

Jan

 

 

Managed to just post the quote! The financial settlement was drawn up by a solicitor and he was paid by my solicitor after the paperwork was returned. I stilll have that paperwork.

 

I can't see why, having waited 6 months after he could have filed to I have to respond IMMEDIATELY. Frankly the six month wait was probably due to his finances so why is it that I can't wait a few months until I can afford a solicitor. I've just take a pay cut, my tenant is leaving, we are going on holiday soon, it's Christmas. etc etc.

[Guest]

It doesn't work like that now. You CAN resist but he will be granted the divorce anyway AND costs will be awarded against you. Being awkward will merely increase the amount YOU have to pay him to reimburse his legal fees.

 

You need to go along to a solicitor and pay £50 (is it still £50, or £80?) for an initial consultation.

 

Edited to say: I wanted to soften this somehow but I don't know how to - I hadn't done ANYTHING that would have counted as grounds for divorce 40 years ago but it was still a cakewalk for my former husband - when it was happening to me, after four months not consenting I realised that I could be either divorced and bankrupt or divorced and not bankrupt. (My former husband had huge business debts from before I met him and owned absolutely nothing. Whereas I owned the flat we lived in. I thought I was going to lose the flat but my solicitor pointed out to the court that my husband had never contributed to the mortgage. It's for things like that that you need a solicitor's knowledge.)

 

In your place, I would concentrate on moving forward and having a lovely life. That is far and away the best "revenge". (My husband lost his job shortly after the divorce that he himself had initiated, and seems to have had so few options that he went back to his first wife - the one he told me that he was terrified of, who had defrauded him, blah blah blah.)

 

The stupid thing about all this is that I woulnd't have even seen a solicitor - if he hadn't told me that his solicitor said our financial settlement didn't hold water. I paid a lot of money for that financial setlement as I needed to get it sorted BEFORE Mum and I bought this house. If that isn't legal then we could be in ALL SORTS of mess as Mum and I became tenants in common and I own 75% of this property!

 

I fail to see how it could be legal to bully me into signing papers quickly when HE waited SIX MONTHS until he got a freebie solicitor.

[KimmyCustard]

Pengy

 

Hmm, Ive been divorced twice and sought legal advice both times. Did the settlement paperwork have the phrase 'Full and final settlement' included on it? This would be the part that would hold up in court as he (or you) wouldnt have any further claim on each others money, property etc.

 

As for the time span for divorce, the first time (1996) the solicitor said to wait 2 years then we would be legally seperated and the divorce could go through, without having to give reasons. Either that or I would have had to wait 7 years and it would go through as 'desertion'.

 

Second time (2004) I let him divorce me for adultery (it wasnt, but I left him and wanted a divorce quickly - mainly through guilt of leaving him! ) We did the full and final settlement thing again and I got a cheque for my part of our house.

 

Not sure if the laws have been changed since 2004, I have my solicitors dets if you'd like them, he's in Waltham Cross,Herts but was very good and only cost me about £200 for the whole thing! I would just say, it will pay dividends for you if you do get legal advice, that way there will be no nasty surprises from him claiming more from you in the future and will protect anything you gain as well, Lottery wins included!

 

 

Kimmy

x

[MadMitch]

Afraid I can't help, you may be entitled to legal aid but you have to be earning almost nothing to get it. You could try citizens advice.

Things have probably changed since I got divorced back in 1990 (very messy).

My other half wouldn't consent, neither would he accept the letters from the baliffs. I had to wait 5 years before I could divorce him.

We eventually met and agreed in the end that I would make no financial claims for our savings etc. if he took over the mortgage. Two years later I got a mortgage payment demand, to cut a long story short he hadn't signed the transfer papers my solicitor hadn't checked and it started all over.........Never again.

[Guest]

Thanks all the advice has helped a lot.

 

I wont be signing anything until I've seen a solicitor and that won't happen until the new year - TBH that's not far away anyhow, only 3 more paydays!

 

If he's made plans and that meses them up it's tough - he shouldn't have made plans before we got the divorce.

 

He can't send bailiffs for signing consent papers - only if I don't sign the divorce papers. Consent means just that - its NOT something I have to give.

[Jules.]

My friend's husband left her in March 2007 & by the end of that year, or certainly by the beginning of this one they were divorced- so there was no x number of years waiting for the divorce to come through, as there has been in the past.

[Lisa]

the idea of the CAB is a good one - A relative of mine is going through a divorce at the moment and the citizens advice bureau were extremely helpful. They actually put a lot of things in motion for her including tax credits, childcare payments etc. They do not charge, she booked an appointment, they spent a good hour with her and gave extremely good advice. It may be worth making an appointment to see them as they should have the up to date regulations and it could put your mind at rest about some things over the next few months whilst you wait to see a solicitor. I hope that all goes well for you.

[Olly]

Have PM'd you, Pengy.