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this looks like a very dangerous thread.... :wink:


A M&M and a Jelly baby are talking and the M&M says "are you on for a night on the town".


The jelly baby replies "no chance every time I go in town I get my head kicked in", the M&M says "its OK I'm a bit of a hard case I'll look after you and make sure "Ooops, word censored!"ody harms you".


So the Jelly baby agrees.


They are both having a drink in this pub when two Lockets walk in and proceed to kick seven shades out of the Jelly baby.


After about five minute the Lockets get bored and leave and the M&M comes out from where he's been hiding.


The jelly baby says "I though you were going to look after me and stop anyone from having a go"


The M&M relies " You got to be joking I'm not messing with those two they're Menthol"



Phil :roll:

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Why do elephants paint the bottom of their feet yellow?


So that they can float upside down in bowls of custard and hide.


Why do elephants paint their toenails red?


So that they can hide in cherry trees


And one for the thinkers amongst us


Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?


Because if they were small, white and round they would be asprin

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Well, Rosie has come up with a couple, well one joke and one amazing fact to be precise. Here goes...


Q: What do you call a ghost that lays eggs?


A: A Poultry-geist!




Pluck a chicken


Honestly! Some boring geographers put this down to pressure. As the low pressure from a tornado passes over the chicken coop, normal air pressure inside the birds' feathers is suddenly much higher than the pressure outside. Making their feathers explode from their skins! Others think that the strong winds simply blow the chickens bare. Weird! :shock::?

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A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."


"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."


"What about the wooden leg?" the bartender asks. "You didn't have that before."


"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now." says the pirate.


"Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" asked the bartender.


"We were in another battle." replied the pirate. "I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."


So the bartender asks, "What about that eye patch?"


The pirate replies, "Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of seagulls flew over. I looked up and one of them 'dropped a little message' in my eye."


"You're kidding, " said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from seagull poo."


The pirate responds, "It was my first day with the hook."



Richard T

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