Louise Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Advice to cat owners when giving a pill 1. Pick up cat and cradle in arms as if holding a baby 2. Position thumb and forefinger on either side of cats mouth, gently apply pressure to cheeks whilst holding the pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Let cat close mouth and swallow. 3. Retrieve pill from the floor and cat from behind the sofa. Repeat process. 4. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill. 5. Take new pill from foil, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut and count to ten. 6. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. 7. Call spouse from garden. 8. Kneel on floor with cat firmly wedged between knees, holding front and rear paws. Get spouse to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing a wooden ruler into mouth. Roll pill down ruler and rub cats throat vigorously. 9. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil. Make note to mend curtains and get a new ruler. Sweep shattered figurine from hearth and set aside to glue later. 10. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie cat with head just visible from below spouses armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cats mouth open with pencil and blow down straw. 11. Check label to ensure pill is safe for humans. Drink glass of water to get rid of taste. Apply band aid to spouses arm and remove blood from carpet using cold water and soap. 12. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon and flick pill down throat with elastic band. 13. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. 14. Apply cold compress to side of face and check date of last tetanus injection. 15. Ring fire brigade to get cat out of tree. Apologise to neighbours who had to dive for cover. 16. Take last pill from packet. 17. Tie cats front paws to rear paws with twine and bind to leg of table. Wearing heavy duty gloves force cats mouth open with a spanner. 18. Push pill into mouth followed by a piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour water down throat. 19. Get spouse to drive you to surgery for doctor to stitch finger and remove pill from eye. 20. Shut cat out and lock cat flap. Ring vet for appointment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buffie Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Oh so true Louise BBx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy-Mama Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Been there, got the scars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 That is VERY funny and true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 very clever Louise After years of bloodshed, I've given up and just take mine to the vets. As soon as he saw (the late) Millie, he used to go and fetch the gardening gloves as she was a scratcher and biter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mad house Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Did'nt realise any of you had met my cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gooner.girl Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 That is so true of one of my cats! Alfie is easy to give tablets to - Bess is a nightmare, so much so that i now worm her with spot on rather then tablets. I had seen that before but had lost my copy. Thanks for posting it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura & CTB Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Stop it - I'm laughing so much it hurts!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
