Elderly cat breathing difficulties when purring

[Egluntyne]

You aren't 'living off'' your OH. You have a partnership, the logistics of which work for you, and which are "Ooops, word censored!"ody's business but your own.

[Cinnamon]

I put my sisters comments down to jealousy.

I have a great house,a husband,2 daughters,chickens & a life I adore................she has a job

[EmmaJC]

but it's only in the last 30 years that it has become 'normal' for both partners to work.

 

Funny you should say that - I've been looking into this for a group I'm part of (a woman in technology blog) and it's largely not true. For a brief period in the last century it was possible (and even preferable) for woman to stay at home but even in the 30's and 40's woman worked. Most fruit picking was done by woman for example. My mother's earliest memories are of her sitting in a field whilst her mother picked strawberries for the jam factory back in the mid 1950's. Woman ran market stalls, reared livestock (there's a good reason most people on this forum are woman) and in the 30's and 40's worked in offices. The work was rarely well paid or well regarded, but it was done by woman. It does them a great disservice for us to continue to believe their lives were spent at home with their children; mostly they were spent working much harder than I can imagine.

 

The amazing thing about being a woman in our time is that we can generally make a choice about our futures, to me it sounds likes your in-laws are just looking for a reason to get at you and aren't worth the effort. As long as you and your partner are happy then there is no reason for you to listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.

[poachedegg]

Because of OH's job, I have always had to be the flexible one, so the majority of our married life have been a stay at home mum. Now that OH runs his own business, there is a little more flexibility, however I LIKE being a stay at home mum and that is why when I needed something a little more challenging we went into fostering, so I can basically still stay at home.

 

I am never bored and always have something to do/somewhere to be, why would I want my time to be dictated by a employer?

 

I would not and do not justify myself to anybody - the way we are works perfectly for me, OH and children and thats all that matters.

 

[Looney]

I agree with everyone that what you do as a family is completely up to you. I've had a proper laugh at some of the funny comments and suggestions!

 

I get fed up with people telling me 'it's alright for you, you only work part time' (I work 3.5 days worth of hours compressed into three days). We couldn't afford for me not to work, OH was made redundant and new job is a lot less money. I would never judge someone's decision to work or not yet I'm always being questioned about my decision. So long as I'm as happy as possible and OH and Bogwoppit are happy, that's what matters to me

 

My goodness if anyone ever bought me control pants I would have to say something!

[majorbloodnock]

I wonder what BusyBird's MIL would try to suggest if BusyBird accepted a highly lucrative job, allowing her other half to become a house husband. Bigotry rarely confines itself to just one area.....

[chickenanne]

She sounds like an outrageuous peice of work.

Frankly, I don't intend to have kids, but neither do I intend to work until I'm 65 - I earn good money & am definitely a saver and not a spender. If someone had the nerve to suggest to me that this was "lazy" or "wrong" I'd be LIVID.

Whose life is it anyway? Yours or the MIL's? Silly silly woman (not you, her, obviously).

[debbier]

I gave up (paid) work a few years back*, and still get some comments such as "Don't you get bored?", yeah, right! I don't have the time to get bored

 

I wouldn't worry about what others say: it's what you and your OH are happy with that matters.

 

My mum has always said I should have my "own" money, and I can see the logic of this. My aunty didn't have any accounts at all in her name, and when my uncle died she simply didn't have any cash she could get hold of for several months (he didn't leave a will).

Mind you, I have all of our savings in my name anyway as I don't pay any tax on the interest (such as it is).

 

*I have just taken on a part-time job for a whole 2 days a month, but I'll try not to let it go to my head.

[ladyjulian]

The 'aren't you bored' comments are probably from people who would be bored themselves. Like me.

 

If one of us were to give up work it would need to be The Beloved Cohab. The difference between TBC and me is that left to my own devices all day I would rapidly develop a Jeremy Kyle habit and a minor alcohol dependency.

 

Left to herself, TBC will do stuff. She had a day off on Monday and built a giant quail house which is bigger than I am. And ordered some quails.

 

(Photos to follow on another thread!)

 

So yeah, some people suit being at home and some don't. Those who couldn't stay at home productively (like the OP's MIL & SIL) need to stop justifying their own laziness / boredom by transferring it to those who can.

[Busybird]

The Major said

 

I wonder what BusyBird's MIL would try to suggest if BusyBird accepted a highly lucrative job, allowing her other half to become a house husband.

 

That would be an interesting one - and we did consider it last year when OH was out of work for a month. We both applied for full time jobs on the understanding that whoever succeeded first would go out to work and the other would stay home. I was glad that he got work first as I don't know how he would cope supporting the children. He could do the housework and gardening side of it but his patience is limited and our kids are used to being given a lot of hands on parental support. I like being home with my kids

 

ladyjulian said

 

Those who couldn't stay at home productively need to stop justifying their own laziness / boredom by transferring it to those who can.

 

This made me feel better My MIL and SIL have always had creative hobbies like flower arranging and, currently, quilting. They are forever trying to get me to go along to their meetings - which I refuse to do as I have no interest and their hobbies cost them so much money! I have my own interests but they cannot (or will not) see this as I don't 'fit' what they think I should be.

 

Wouldn't it be lovely if we could all just 'live and let live', being supportive rather than critical (so like the lovely people on this forum ).

[docsquid]

I often get people from my former workplace asking me if I'm bored not having anything to do. I had to take ill health retirement a few years ago. I was planning to retire at 50 anyway, but went at 48 instead. OK, it isn't to look after children, but it is still not working.

 

Almost at the same time my husband got made redundant, and I've spent the last few years helping him to build up a new business, qualifying as a fitness instructor and ski instructor, and working on a wildlife project. I'm not "working" as in paid a salary, but I have plenty to do and it suits us both. I have control over how much I work (it is only about 5-6 hours a week of paid work), and when, and he has support for getting his new venture going. I have all the time I need to do my treatments and keep as well as possible without the stress of having to get up, commute and work a 40 hour week.

 

People assume I am bored, and haven't got anything to do, but I have plenty to do. I think supporting my husband is very important indeed!

 

However I do find it wrong that people think you are OK if you are a "retired" something or other, but not OK if you stay at home to support your husband and family in other ways. If that is what suits you, then that is OK. The culture of working all hours at the expense of quality of life for you and your family is becoming very ingrained indeed, and I think it is a shame.

[Egluntyne]

Couldn't agree more. It is "Ooops, word censored!"ody's business but your own.

[earthmam1]

You are doing the most important job in the world - bringing up your children.

 

sue