For sale: Outdoor Cat Run 3x4x2 with cat run porch and accessories (Surrey GU8)

[Busybird]

OH rang MIL at the weekend to invite them over for lunch in a couple of weeks (we haven't had them round since Christmas ). She proceeded to give him details of a local job vacancy that I could apply for. When he told her that he didn't think I would be interested she assured him that SIL thought I would.

 

I have a neighbour who, every time I stop for a friendly chat, asks me what I do all day and if I am ever going to go back to work. Other friends comment about how 'lucky' I am not to get bored being at home all day.

 

I talked to OH about this as he is the one I am living off. He told me that he has got used to me being there for everyone and doing everything and sees no reason to change this unless I want to.

 

I am feeling a bit down about it all. What should I be saying to MIL and anyone else who comments? Of course it is our choice how we live but I feel that I am being accused of laziness and parasitical behaviour

[fluffyknickers]

They should keep their noses out and your husband should tell them that - in a roundabout way!

 

If you dont HAVE to work as the income is not needed and dont WANT to work then why the hell should you? Its not the law!

 

I have a mix of girlfriends, some who dont work as dont need to and are happy with that and some who dont need to work as OH earns enough but they choose to work parttime as like their jobs!

 

I work part-time and have my own business as we need the money, but I am lucky as I dont mind the work I do.

 

Sounds like MIL and SIL are poking their noses in and thinking that their son/brother should be sending you out to work as 'worried' about him. He'll have to put them straight.

 

If people ask you what work you do simply say "I work from home"! Well, its true as you probably cook, clean, paperwork, sorting the house, washing, ironing etc! Or alternatively say "I dont go out to work - arent I lucky" that will shut them up. A lot of the time you will fine that people are jealous.

 

Michelle

[patsylabrador]

You mustn't feel bad. I didn't go back to work after having the children and have had a wonderful time. I hate being told it must be boring, I've done so much. I home-schooled the kids, am working through an OU degree, puppy-walked a guide dog (if you like dogs try this), am learning German and French, have an allotment and now the chickens. I am now thinking of joining a Townswomens guild. You're not a parasite, I bet you work hard making a lovely home for your family, and for me it is good to be around and available to them all. I'm glad I don't have to work when one of my boy's comes home on leave.

Just be true to yourself, some women love or need to work, some don't.

I LOVE being a housewife!

[Chucky Mama]

You already have a job. You have several jobs all of which combined make it full time. You are a child minder, cook, cleaner, counsellor, gardener, you wash and iron for several people, personal shopper, driver....need I go on?? Say to you MIL 'Thank you very much but I already work full time'. Embrace being a mother, don't undervalue yourself. Ingore those that ask what you do for a living and then glaze over when you say that you are a 'stay at home mum'. If you were being paid to look after someone else's children you wouldn't get such a negative response If and when the time is right take a job if you want one, no because you feel shamed into it by insensitive people around you.

[Happy chickens!]

I know just what you mean, if you don't have a 'proper' job (ie paid I suppose), then some people think that's strange; but it's only in the last 30 years that it has become 'normal' for both partners to work.

 

I think equality of opportunity is incredibly important, but it doesn't mean everyone should work and in some ways women's lib has gone too far - don't shout at me! - because the balance has tipped from being expected to stay at home, which wasn't right, to being expected to work, which can lead to a lot of stress for those with children or other family to look after. We all need realistic choices.

 

My OH has stressful job and is away a lot, our life is a lot better for me being (I hope) a true homemaker. The boring stuff like cleaning and washing is mostly done when he's not here and we can have more quality time together at weekends which for us is important.

 

You are not living off your OH, you are part of a team, a family with other priorities than being a sheep and following the conventions of modern society, so do what makes you and your family happiest.

[chickencam]

I know exactly how you feel. I love being a housewife and mum. My mum only worked for a brief period during my childhood and that was with my dad, so they were always close by and available after school.

 

I work from home a few hours a week doing my husband's credit control and occasionally stand in as his receptionist when his regular receptionist takes a holiday or is off sick. I love being available for our children at all times and feel that I have a very important role in the life of my family. Bringing up the next generation is a very worth while job, so don't feel bad.

 

Each family makes it's own way in the world, there is no right or wrong way to do things just what feels right and is possible for you and yours.

[Chicktastic]

Like most of the people here posting, I agree, being at home is a full time job!!! I am a childminder and am at home all day even though I am working so I am sort of in the middle.

 

I mostly work between 50 and 60 hours a week with up to 10 children at any one time. I have 3 children under the age of 3 most days during school time. Yes, there are restrictions on the things I can do with other peoples children around such as ironing and hoovering, cleaning my bathroom etc.... but I can at least put a load of washing in and get it dried etc.....

 

I feel very lucky that being a lone parent, I can combine being there, and providing for my children, not everyone is so lucky!!! If I didn't have to work, I wouldn't! Not through being lazy or leeching from anyone else, but I think it is beneficial for the whole family. Like your husband said, he enjoys the fact that you are there, but by the sounds of it if fully supportive of you if you do want to get a job. THEY SHOULD BE HAPPY THAT HE'S HAPPY THATS WHAT FAMILY IS FOR!!!!!!

 

My brother's wife hs never worked and the eldest child is 16 this year, and like your husband, my brother is more than happy, even when things get tight!!! My sister doesn't work either. I think it's wonderful (and am VERY jealous... ) if you can do that!!!!!

 

Bottom line is that you and your immediate family are more than happy with how you live and lets face it, if your husband had to pay somebody to do all the household chores and look after everyone, he would be paying someone a hell of a lot of money to do it!!! You ARE doing a very worthwhile job and mustn't feel down for it!!! Narrow minded people should realise this once in a while!!!!!!

 

Sorry rant over!!!!

[Cinnamon]

This is a bug bear of mine too

 

My sister always asks me why I don't work or when I will go back to work.

 

I guess with older children who are at college & school,I have no excuse really....BUT I do the company acounts,& all the paperwork,which takes up a bit of time each week,plus I do some mystery shopping,& I sell all our unwanted stuff on ebay too.

I grow heaps of veggies which take up a lot of my time, & darn it I ENJOY being at home & being a home maker

 

There are financial issues too. If I worked even part time our income would increase & our tax band could go up.I simply couldn''t earn enough to cover this,& do all the things I already do.

 

Each to their own,I say - I will live my life as I want,so don't judge me & I won't judge you

[chickencam]

Each to their own,I say - I will live my life as I want,so don't judge me & I won't judge you

 

[chickenanne]

It really isn't anyone elses business. Sounds like your OH is happy with the arrangement, as are you, and your kids. So long as the family can pay the bills and will be OK pension-wise, I don't see how it's anyone elses concern.

[majorbloodnock]

Whilst I agree that housewifery or househusbandry often involves a lot of work, I personally don't think there's any reason to point this out to your MIL etc. As an adult in your own home, living your own life with a husband who's comfortable with the arrangements, the choices you make are your own business, so you've no need to justify them. If you want to be employed, fine. If you want to be busy at home, also fine. If you want to be lazy, why not? As long as what you choose is honest, decent, legal and truthful, no-one else has a leg to stand on.

 

Personally, I'd start having some fun.

 

"Get a job? Euch, no. If I did that, I'd start becoming more like you...."

 

"And if I started working, where would I find time to fit in all my lovers....."

 

"But I've got to keep concentrating on shuffling my shares around or they'll notice the black hole in my capital...."

 

"But where did SIL get time to look for jobs for me? Isn't she busy working? Hah. Lazy so-and-so....."

 

Of course, that could just be my somewhat impish sense of humour, but IMHO if anyone has the gall to start opining on what they think I should be doing, they deserve whatever they get in return.

[Cooks]

they should butt out, it's you and your hubbys decision not theirs! flaming cheek! Some people think they have a say in anything!. *walks off mumbling*

[Redwing]

There is a blloming annoying advert on my local radio, its naff but the one of the lines is:

 

'Running a household is no less a contribution than going to work' (or something similar)

 

I just think that line is good

 

I have a colleague who is able to work long hours and commute long distances because he has the back up at home, if his wife didnt play that very important role he would be scuppered so it works all round

[SarahJo]

Major - saw you had posted and immediately knew it would be GOOD

 

I did the company car, suit wearing well paid career bit before having the boys - then worked as a dinner lady and cook when they were both in full time education. Now I have the perfect job - using my degree (what a waste tut, tut - how will you cope being at home bored etc - all thrown at me too ) - plus it fits in with the 2 most important family members who need me most.

 

BBC news have just mentioned the average of £54.000 spent on childcare - would the MIL stump up the cash, or is she able to offer all the free childcare

 

I was lucky enough to stay at home in the early years with my 2 - no-one can care and educate better than a parent, which is always done with love and unconditionally. If there are no financial reasons then do as you wish and what is better for YOUR family - you will never get the time back

 

Plus - have a few comments to launch back - shame on her

[Busybird]

Thank you all you lovely Omleteers - I feel quite cheered

 

Sounds like MIL and SIL are poking their noses in and thinking that their son/brother should be sending you out to work as 'worried' about him.

 

I think this could be a part of it - although as MIL worked when she had young children and SIL works when her three are at school they probably 'disapprove' of my decision to stay at home.

 

Also, I was a real career girl before I had kids and we had a great lifestyle - lots of holidays, new cars, big house and so on. The change in lifestyle has been gradual as we set up our own business when DS1 was born and it was successful until last year when the recession hit. We are managing but belts have had to be tightened so MIL probably thinks it is about time I started to pull my weight again financially.

 

MIL also loves to lecture me on the importance of a woman having independent money in case her husband leaves her I find the implication behind this offensive.

 

I love being here when my kids get in from school. I feel hugely privilaged that I can spend time with them knowing that the housework has been done and a home cooked meal is prepared. If the price to be paid for that is a holiday in a tent rather than a hotel and driving a 10 year old car then I am happy to go with that.

 

I have to say though, when the kids want something and we say no due to cost I think they may take a different view I think that saying no to kids occasionally is a good life lesson but there are always the friends who get everything

 

Major, I would just love to use some of your comments

 

BBC news have just mentioned the average of £54.000 spent on childcare - would the MIL stump up the cash, or is she able to offer all the free childcare

 

I would not want my MIL to look after my kids

[Cooks]

MIL also loves to lecture me on the importance of a woman having independent money in case her husband leaves her I find the implication behind this offensive.

 

She said whaaaaat???!!!! your MIL and me would fall out BIG time flaming cheek!!!!!

 

*stuffs salad in her mouth before she says something she shouldn't*

[Olly]

I like the Major's suggestions!

 

I'm just frankly envious - and I suspect that may be what is motivating your MIL and SIL. I don't even have children, and I find working full-time and looking after a house and garden is a constant struggle. Some people don't have a choice, but I bet if you look at working mums that you know, something has to give, and it depends on the individual whether that's housework, cooking from scratch, spending time playing with the children or enjoying a good book!

 

It's "Ooops, word censored!"ody else's business how you live your life - if your OH is happy, then that's all that matters. My mother never worked, we were hard up and might have benefited from an extra income, but it would not have replaced the hand-made clothes, home-grown vegetables and home cooking, fancy-dress and play costumes, help with homework, encouragement to read and learn and all the other many gifts she gave us, that I still cherish today. It's your choice, "Ooops, word censored!"ody else's.

[majorbloodnock]

Um, thanks, SarahJo. Glad you liked it

 

BBC news have just mentioned the average of £54.000 spent on childcare - would the MIL stump up the cash, or is she able to offer all the free childcare

 

Hmm, not sure I'd want to leave my kids in the care of someone who didn't know when to hold their tongue....

 

Seriously, though, the childcare cost issue is an interesting one. We've worked out that the money we were spending on childcare for our son before he started school is pretty much bang on the cost we'd have to shell out if we wanted to send him to a public school (note public, not just any old private) when he turns 11. Thought-provoking, eh?

[Redwing]

MIL also loves to lecture me on the importance of a woman having independent money in case her husband leaves her I find the implication behind this offensive.

 

She said whaaaaat???!!!! your MIL and me would fall out BIG time flaming cheek!!!!!

 

*stuffs salad in her mouth before she says something she shouldn't*

 

I get this all the time from my mum even though I earn twice what my husband does I think its a generation thing

[Cooks]

yes probably, but it's also rude....

 

*looks for more salad to stuff in mouth and realises shes eaten it all*

[majorbloodnock]

yes probably, but it's also rude....

 

*looks for more salad to stuff in mouth and realises shes eaten it all*

 

Suggest converting to chillies for proper fire-breathing

[Cooks]

[Chucky Mama]

OH rang MIL at the weekend to invite them over for lunch in a couple of weeks (

 

How about a few of us come round too....it would be fun....promise

[Cinnamon]

I'll bring my sister,shall I

[Cooks]

oooh can I come??