Popcorn Posted September 8, 2005 Author Share Posted September 8, 2005 you're just too kind Kate ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Hey Kate, I have a meeting in 20 minutes I think it would go down a treat can I can I can I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Course you can Louise!! Do you want the matching knee high boots too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachel19 Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Ok, I'm sure you've heard these before but they're just soooo bad: What do you call a man with a spade on his head ................Doug. What do you call a man without a spade on his head..............Dougless. What do you call a man with a rabbit up his ar*e................ Warren. See I said they were bad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Hi all Are you ready for the evening onslaught then?? Here's one to get started... A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's... um... well... I have five penises (can I say that?)." replies the man "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove." Cheers Jem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 And again... Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." Man with a lettuce leaf sticking out of his bum goes to the Doctors. He says "Is it serious Doctor". Doctor replies " Well, i'm afraid it could be just the tip of the iceberg"! Let me get my brain into gear and i'll try remember some more. Cheers Jem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Yet another one... "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." Cheers Jem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Had enough yet????? A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing underpants made out of cling film. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." Let me know if you become bored Jem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 A man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a moth." Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist." Man: "Yes, I know." Dentist: "So why did you come in here?" Man: "The light was on..." Cheers Jem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 I'm not bored yet! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 I'm now suffering from a case of bad memory and struggling to think of any more at the moment. Give me an hour or two Cheers Jem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kazaddress Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 What is a Dog? Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want toplay, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you. CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats What is a Cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere. CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 Very good Kaz Jem - your poor family I hope you don't subject them to an onslaught like that every day Funny though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 Hi Louise My family are fed up of hearing them, all they do now is groan when I start to tell jokes, so it's nice to have the opportunity to present them to a new audience Hope you enjoyed them all Cheers Jem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 Loved them Jem even though I groaned at some!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steph Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 hi all Some I have never heard before ok I think I have one for you Man: Doctor, dortor, I feel like an onion Doctor: Sit down, relax and don't get in a pickle! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 What's brown and slippery? A slipper ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steph Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 Ok here is another one How can you tell when a bucket is sick? It gets a little pale! They just get worse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 (edited) A cowboy moseys into a saloon and orders a whiskey. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?" The bartender replies, "They've all gone to the hanging." The cowboy asked, "Who are they hanging?" The bartender answered, "Brown Paper Pete." "What kind of name is Brown Paper Pete," the cowboy asked. The bartender explained, "Well, he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants and brown paper shoes." The cowboy said, "That's weird. What are they hanging him for?" The bartender said, "Rustling!" Edited September 9, 2005 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steph Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 Ok another one Doctor doctor I think im a light bulb Watt do you mean? Well you did say the worst jokes?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steph Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 I've not fineshed yet what do you call boomerang that dosent work? A stick! You know I think it runs in the family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 You know I think it runs in the family Just like noses in ours! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steph Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 Well sorry about this but theres more Why is six afraid of seven? Becuse seven eight nine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steph Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 How do you greet a two headed monster? hello! hello! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
