Solitary chicken - need advice

[Alis girls]

Christmas has changed so much. I was brought up in the Midlands and mum often had 13 round her table -very squashed it was too - many "aunts" who werent aunts and the odd waif and stray. No dishwasher just a lot of OAP's helping wash and dry and many a chipped bit of posh china or missing cutlery being found in odd places for months later. We had Christmas decs which regularly dropped onto someones head ( luckily light flimsy decs which didnt injure) and I remember the elderly uncle with Parkinsons who struggled to eat his chopped up food but loved being there with us. I was the only child who escaped to the spare telly to watch Top of the Pops and other delights.

 

Now I have 7 round the table on Christmas Day - 3 elderly ( like Clare) thankfully all fairly ok. Dad has mild vascular dementia, aunt is a bit set in her ways and can annoy me but a couple of glasses of ginger wine seem to keep her out of the kitchen my uncle can be annoying too at times. I have a dishwasher for which I am thankful and dad does the bits which dont go in it. The kids slink off at intervals to play on their consoles and ES's girlfriend joined us for high tea for which we have cold meats etc and cups of tea. Very old fashioned I know. I do get stressed as I am aware the aunt and uncle have a long journey and want to eat early but won stay in a hotel. But I do enjoy it and realise one day they wont be able to come down due to poor health and then we will have to think again.

We also see more of friends as well - going to Pizza Express with another family tonight. At home I rarely saw friends on Christmas day and boxing day - family only.

 

Hope you all had a good Christmas . Ali x

[Charlottechicken]

Thank you for sharing Ali. Sounds like you compromised beautifully, and got a lot out of it too. It can be difficult looking back at Christmas, especially if there are spaces where people once were.

 

I think if you stop and enjoy the moment, then Christmas can be everything you want it to be, and more. Mum and I now go for a walk on Christmas Day, although we didn't yesterday as someone (me) got rather inebriated on Baileys and then mead, so the walk was postponed until this morning. I took lots of photos and we saw lots of wildlife. It was thoroughly enjoyable!

[Alis girls]

I know the feeling Charlotte - feel fat and am going to have a salad tonight as ate and drank far too much. Need a brisk walk tommorow if its not raining. Spaces round the table are harder as you get older. It is easier if its somewhere the missing loved ones are not associated with - my mum and gran were sadly dead long before i moved here. Hope you arent too hungover today.

[Olly]

Sounds familiar, Ali! With five of us children, a granny who lived with us and visiting aunts and uncles, Christmas was always very busy, with garden chairs and trestle tables pressed into service. We had no TV and my parents weren't well off, but we had some lovely times. Then as my parents got older, my eldest brother took over and we'd all go there.

 

Times change, my parents have died and grandchildren have arrived for my brothers, and we all do our own thing - Christmas Day yesterday was just me, my sister and her OH and her youngest daughter. It's much more relaxing, I'll admit, but I have great memories of those childhood Christmases.

[The Dogmother]

I remember when my grandparents were alive, and we had the relatives from Italy over - 20 people for Christmas lunch, on trestle tables in the hall, goodness knows where they all slept; I can't remember.

 

Poignant this year as two of the oldsters may not be with us next year.... Phil's dad has heart failure and vascular dementia, he is very poorly and had a nasty fall on Boxing Day when we were on our way to see them. Phil daren't leave them for too long, so I am seeing even less of him than usual at the moment. My mother's dementia gets worse, she collapsed with another small stroke a couple of weeks back, but is well enough in herself even if she is going downhill quicker now. We enjoyed our time with them though.

[Gertie]

Christmas is always a very quiet affair for us as we don't have many relatives & hardly see those we do. It always consisted of mum dad, me, nan, gramp & an ancient aunt. We picked up an ancient uncle for a few years, then they both passed away as did my gramp. Food, charades, pictionary, babycham & advocaa (sp?!)

 

However, in complete contrast, we went to Italian family in Rome once, (my mum is Italian & has 3 siblings there). Christmas Day dinner was astounding for me as there were so many people on every conceivable table & chair! It was lively & fun & very different from the usual Christmas. Both good though!

 

It's always sad when familiar faces fade away.

[Nikipins]

As a child we didn't have much family so Christmas' usually consisted of just the 4 of us (mum, dad, brother and me) they became even smaller when my brother and I moved away and sometimes didn't return for Christmas. My OH however had a tradition of large extended family gatherings at Christmas which I am now included in. After 20 years of being with OH I still struggle with Christmas with his family. I get all the nostalgia of being together with all the generations but it comes with great stress for the hostess. My MIL particularly fails to cope and gets quite nasty on Christmas Day because she is strung out. I'm usually desperate by now either to leave the house we are staying at (as in this year at the in-laws) or if hosting for everyone to go home. I long for a quiet few days with the nuclear family but for the sake of family harmony for the rest of the year I go along with the mega clan gathering, I'm also sure my kids will look back with fond memories of these childhood Christmases.