kazaddress Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!" I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!" Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. Two snowmen standing in a field. One says to the other "Can you smell carrots?" And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Do you know, I could just imagine Tommy Cooper telling these! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Some of them are terrible ! Thanks Kaz . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 (edited) Two snowmen standing in a field. One says to the other "Can you smell carrots?" This one is just priceless! (Edit: I'm still laughing.... ) Edited January 17, 2006 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kazaddress Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 juss like dat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Made me titter too Quietly to myself though - they think I'm mad enough as it is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Anyhow Kaz, what do you think you're up to? I thought girls couldn't tell jokes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kazaddress Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you but don't start anything." Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please and one for the road." Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual." Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Was that intended to provoke us grd, or was it one of those veiled compliments? You sweet talker you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 A dyslexic man walks into a bra. I love it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Was that intended to provoke us grd, or was it one of those veiled compliments? You sweet talker you! It was intended as both those things.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicola H Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 I see being on crutches hasn't affected your sense of humour, not that it should of course.............Very funny Kaz..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kazaddress Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 Grd Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? he opened up a warehouse :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Grd Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? he opened up a warehouse :) That took a few seconds...! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kazaddress Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 Grd Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? he opened up a warehouse :) That took a few seconds...! *snigger* story of your life ah! *ducks* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 *snigger* story of your life ah! *ducks* You cheeky rascal!!! Cue Clare T and more snorting..... she'll love this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kazaddress Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 sorry couldnt resist Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 *snigger* story of your life ah! *ducks* You cheeky rascal!!! Cue Clare T and more snorting..... she'll love this one. You're so right Graham! Shame I'm not at home so I could laugh out loud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fleata Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 they are great, made me smile on such a bad day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bracken Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Where on earth do they get them from? Who cares,its good to laugh!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocchick Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 I found a chicken website called "poultry in motion." It still cracks me up, I like really bad puns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel (& Paul) Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 What a lovely way to start the day - a good giggle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
