Chicken Memorials

[Charlottechicken]

So sorry to hear of this

 

Can I just point out that DLA is not available to anyone over the age of 65. The equivalent benefit for over 65's is Attendance Allowance, there is no mobility component for over 65's (probably something to do with working ages etc ). However, if you are already in receipt of DLA before you reach 65 it will not stop when you reach 65. Also, if Carer's Allowance is awarded for looking after someone in receipt of State Pension, the equivalent amount is removed from the pension of the person being cared for, and paid to the carer, so it is a passport benefit only in that instance.

 

[Guest]

sorry V, the social worker should be able to tell them exactly what they can claim, i think it is attendance allowance my mum gets (she's 75) i do apologise for getting it wrong but it's worth asking what he's entitled to.

[Charlottechicken]

The Benefit Enquiry Line are the people to speak to. They will know what can and can't be claimed for and will get the relevant forms dispatched out to you. You can also ask for a trained operator to assist with the form filling over the telephone if you wish.

 

Telephone 0800 88 22 00, they are open Monday to Friday 8.30 to 6.30, and 9 to 1 on a Saturday.

 

Poet, if your mum applied for the benefit after her 65th birthday, then she will indeed be on AA, although when DLA first started I believe it was available to all age groups, but that was over 15 years ago. DLA is also available for babies and children, by the way

 

Hope that helps

[Guest]

my mum's social worker/DWP person (whoever she was) came to the house and sorted it all out for her

 

V, if you need to know a bit more info apart from the great advice you've been given by Claire et al, PM me and I'll ask my mum exactly how she went about it.

 

How's your dad today?

[Charlottechicken]

 

V, if you need to know a bit more info apart from the great advice you've been given by Claire et al, PM me and I'll ask my mum exactly how she went about it.

 

I work for the DWP, Poet

 

Anyone who wants to claim DLA or AA or Carer's, just phone the Benefit Enquiry line, and they will send a claim pack

[Cate in NZ]

Bypassing all questions about benefits (there's some much more knowledgeable people on that subject around here than me), I'm tackling the blood stained jumper.

 

I always use salt and cold water for any blood stains, although admittedly I've never used it an a really nice wool jumper like that, and I tend to put the blood stained item into soak with a strong saline solution asap. Sometimes a good salty scrub is needed, but it works more often than not in my experience.

[The Dogmother]

How is he now Vicki?

 

I bet your poor dad aches now.

 

Might be an idea to get his neck checked if he's stiff - I was passenger in a car accident years ago and got a nasty head bang (yes, I know that explains a lot ) and had a stiff neck - turned out to be a prolapsed disc!!!

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks again everyone. It's so nice how everyone showers you with concern and advice .

 

I saw my dad briefly this afternoon. He slept well last night and seems to be feeling OK apart from a sore head (obviously ). Two district nurses visited this morning and are going to arrange a home help.

 

Unfortunately we have a history regarding people coming to help as my mum can be a bit difficult. Someone from an agency came to see them last year but my mum took an instant dislike to her and wouldn't take it any further. In addition, they both hate having strangers in the house and my dad would strongly resist any personal type of help. He insists he can cope but, of course, he only can with my mum's help. He doesn't seem to realise that it's difficult for her. And, quite apart from the constant worry, it's the small things that make it difficult - spilling drinks or food, putting things away "in safe places" (ie totally random), the occasional wetting accident, trying to help in the kitchen, etc.

 

We've had social workers in to assess dad but neither mum or dad wanted anybody coming to the house so nothing's been done there.

 

They had a bath seat (that raises & lowers automatically) but they refused to leave it in the bath as recommended and it was too heavy for them to lift in and out so they didn't use it. It's been taken away .

 

With regard to benefits, they do receive Attendance Allowance and have a disabled pass for the car. They are relatively comfortably off so it's more practical help that's required but as they don't want strangers coming in, it's difficult to know how to arrange that. They do have cleaners coming in every 2 weeks for 2 hours which helps a bit.

 

Sadly, they have no friends at all apart from one woman down the road, who is the same age and was very recently widowed. They say it's because everyone their age is dead ( ) or because they spent most of their lives abroad. They've been back in the UK 28 years so that's a poor excuse . The real reason is that my mum is very judgemental and difficult to get on with. My dad is very gentle and sweet but is controlled by her.

 

So, we'll see how this attempt at a home help works. I'm not holding my breath .

 

Hope you noticed the number of " " I've had to use. That's the expression I actually use in real life on a daily basis while dealing with my mum .

 

Sorry to be so long-winded, but it's like being on the couch with a sympathetic therapist .

 

PS Thanks for the stain advice I've got the jumper now so will try that.

[Guest]

I imagine it must be very frightening to be old and frail and have strangers come into your home trying to tell you waht's best for you. I can imagine why they're desperately trying to hold on to their independance and why your mum might be a bit frosty. Maybe she's a bit scared? Are you able to placate/comfort your mum at all and/or act as a sort of mediator when the home help comes?

 

They both sound like they could do with some sort of help, even if it's just with cleaning and shopping maybe? Hopefully the home help can suggest less intrusive solutions to make their lives a bit easier.

 

I hope some sort of mutually acceptable plan can be worked out to take some of the pressure off.

[Egluntyne]

Am glad that your Dad is recovering from his ordeal.

 

My parents were exactly like this.

 

Dad easy going and patient.

 

Mum rather challenging.

 

It is so difficult as kind hearted relatives and friends back off too after a while.

 

I know that generation still have a thing about what they see as "charity" and people knowing their business etc.

 

Don't allow yourself to take on too much.....although I know how hard that can be too.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

You're right Poet, she is scared but sadly that's not the reason she behaves badly at times. She's always been a difficult personality and very controlling. I think she's suffered from undiagnosed depression her whole life but at last is now taking tablets for it, which has made a difference to her behaviour.

 

They do have cleaners coming in and I take her shopping once a week and buy bits and pieces for her too. I also do odd jobs round the house as does my brother who lives 3 hours away but comes to stay with them every 3rd weekend.

 

They have no relatives in the UK (a brother & sister in the UK died within the last couple of years) and, as I said before, no friends (really, NO friends ). I'm the only person they see apart from my brother and visiting professionals so I tend to get the brunt of it .

 

I think they'll eventually accept there's no alternative but to have people coming in. Hopefully we can find someone sympathetic that they like.

 

Egluntine, I know what you mean - at one point I was doing their cleaning and I sometimes think I should be taking over some of the care, but I work part-time, have my own family and think it would be too much to cope with, physically and mentally.

[The Dogmother]

It's hard isn't it? Please don't beat your self up if they won't accept help; it really is down to them. I can see my mother getting just like that - she's very independent, while my dad is much more easy going.

 

I look after a lady who lives a few doors away - she's 88 and her family all live at least a couple of hours away. She's resisted going into sheltered housing, and I've tried to help her out - she had a heart bypass a couple of years ago, has bad chest, diabetes, bad hip... Over Christmas, I had to call and ambulance when she collapsed with pneumonia and she was in hospital for 3 weeks while they tried to build her up.

 

She's back home now and her son (who is well off) is trying to get her into sheltered housing, ther are carers coming in 3 times a day (apparently they just come in, sign the book and leave). I go in once a day to check on her and get any shopping, but she really can't make the stairs, refuses to wear her alarm and is hopelessly frail. It's frustrating, but it's her life and I have to respect that.

 

I told Phil to save his money and just put a bag over my head if I get like that!

[little chickadee]

We had the same thing with my Grandad a few months ago Vicki - He fell out of bed and now the upstairs of his house looks like a murder scene!! He does wear one of those wrist alarms though and I can't recommend it enough. It enables him to stay in his own home. Have they considered one of these?

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks, Claret .

 

He does wear one of those wrist alarms though and I can't recommend it enough. It enables him to stay in his own home. Have they considered one of these?

 

My mum's talking about getting one. If she fell my dad probably wouldn't even be able to phone me or an ambulance .

 

Where do you get them?

[Charlottechicken]

Have you tried Help the Aged? They might be able to assist in other ways too.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I'm tackling the blood stained jumper.

 

Thanks for the advice. Soaked it in salty water then twice in biological washing powder. It's come up like new .

 

My dad is doing well but has some impressive bruising under his eyes. Stitches are coming out on Monday. The District Nurses are arranging for a home help.

[Olly]

Oh ANH my heart goes out to you ... this sounds so familiar. My mum was not like your mum, she was very friendly and had excellent neighbours, but she didn't like having people coming into the house, and she and my dad really prized their independence.

 

We went to great lengths to to try and persuade them to move to sheltered housing. At the end of the day, we accepted that they were independent and still in their right minds, and they had to make their own choices.

 

We did manage to get them to accept a cleaner, and someone to come in and wash and dress my father every other day, and we took the bath out and put a walk-in shower in. They loved their home, and I think moving would have brought the inevitable even sooner.

 

I think it's important that you don't take on too much. They are making choices, and if they choose not to have a home-help, it doesn't mean that you should then do the cleaning, shopping etc. just because they will accept it from you. Of course you will want to do what you can - but you do need to preserve your own health and sanity as well.

 

On a more practical note, I found Age Concern produced a lot of leaflets/information on their website, Help the Aged are good as well. Social services should know if there is a local 'alarm' scheme, they are fantastic as my dad was deaf and couldn't use the phone - when he fell through a glass door it was literally a life-saver.