MedusA Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 I've pm'd you, ANH. *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenlass Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Just wanted to say good luck finding the right home for your parents...I'm sure once you can get them settled you will be able to relax a bit more. Sorry I haven't any advice to offer as regards the care home as I haven't had to face this situation yet but I'm sure someone on here will be able to give you ideas of the sort of things to ask and look out for. Sending you a big hug again. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 we've got friends in Bathgate who we hope to visit some time during the summer. Do you fancy a night out while we're there so we can get well and truly sozzled after (hopefully) things have settled down for both of us?! might just roll up in a camper van and park on your driveway! (just kidding!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 That sounds like a great plan . You're more than welcome to my driveway but there's a great caravan park very near us that has a really nice pub within walking/staggering distance of my house (through a dark scary wood if it's late ). Let me know when you're coming up and we can organise our Omlet get-together for two (a double yolker? ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 will do! I'll PM you nearer the time etc etc. much love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlottechicken Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 I am sure the law in Scotland is that if nursing care is required, then this must be paid for by the State? Not sure about residential care homes though? Have a look in www.direct.gov.uk Someone correct me if I am wrong here!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little cluckers Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 A close relative has had recent experience of looking for a nursing/residential home and they advised the best way to get the feel of one is to just turn up unannounced, as if you make an appointment they have a good clean up and everything seems perfect. I know it sounds naughty but at least you get a truer picture. Hope this helps. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenlass Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Ohhh that sounds great!! Hope you two can get together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 (will) have van, will travel now, what's that place called with the nice shops aha! the shambles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovemychooks Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 I also wanted to give my support and hugs. I'm not too sure what you should be asking re. residential homes but hopefully you'll get a good feeling from one of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 the best way to get the feel of one is to just turn up unannounced, Thanks, I'd heard that too . We do have an appointment tomorrow but I plan to visit next week unannounced . Claire, I think (although I need to do some more research) that if you require nursing or personal care, the state (in Scotland) makes a contribution towards the costs. You still fund the majority of the nursing home fees (if you have means) but are still eligible for the state contribution (which seems to be roughly £200 a week). ~~~~~~~~~~ I gave mum a purseful of 20 pences today and a note of my phone number (there's a patients' payphone). She's called once just to say hello - sounding a bit upset. She's just phoned again to say thank you for sorting her clothes out, to say she really appreciates everything I'm doing, that she's been a rubbish mum, that I'm a lovely daughter, that she loves me (first time she's really said that ) and she wishes she was with me. I feel really bad having to leave her in there (it's really grotty ) but I know there's no alternative at the moment. I've said I'll ask if we're allowed to take her out of the ward so fingers crossed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Glad to hear things are settling down a bit. No great advice re nursing homes, you will get a feel for it from how the other residents look (are they 'parked' in chairs, or are they chatting in groups?) and, I'm sorry to say it, but how the place smells. A few things to ask - are there social activities, can residents bring their own stuff with them (bedding, small items of furniture, pictures etc) can they eat meals in their rooms or do they have to share, can they have their own TV in their room, newspapers delivered etc ... it's the minutiae of life that make the biggest difference in these places. Nursing homes/residential care homes have got a bad name from some examples, but we found two for my late father that were both lovely (we couldn't wait long enough for a room at the first one, so had to find another) with really caring staff and a good atmosphere. They do exist, and good luck with the search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Good tips there from Olly. Also...if you can...speak to some residents relatives to sound them out. Am glad to hear that they are both improving slightly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 [quote its scary how much it will cost but they have a house my MIL has been in residential and now nursing home care since having a stroke 16 years ago, the staff have been really good with her, it depends just how much nursing care your dad needs, a good residential home may be happy to take him. MIL was fairly dependant after the stroke & had some mobility & continence problems but the staff at the residential home looked after her for over 10 years until she had another stroke & became too heavy for them to move her without a hoist. I think the benefit system is different in Scotland but MIL is able to claim disability benefit even though she had plenty of funds after selling the house, it helps but dosn't get anywhere near the cost of the home each month. In England we don't get any free nursing care unless your have less than £8,000 in the bank. I hope things settle down for you soon moving mom & dad selling & clearing the house is stressful but at least they should be safe & together again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susiepoos Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Not wishing to put a spanner in the works but will your Mum require an EMI - elderly mentally infirm - home??? some rest homes will take patients with a certain level of confusion but won't take patients who would be termed psychotic. You need to ask the psychiatrist and he will be able to advise you. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 I hope you manage to sort all this out ANH - not something I've had to look into, so no help, sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 Just a quick update ..... Dad's continuing to improve. Feeding himself and talking quite happily. Seems quite contented if still slightly confused. Still needing a great deal of "personal care" though. Mum is settling too. Still not at all happy at being in the hospital but has a single room so spends her time in there listening to Classic FM and doing her crosswords and sudokus. Is very accepting that BB and I are making decisions and organising things. Has access to a phone so calls us regularly which is helping her keep calm. A staff nurse on the ward knows her well from years ago (on an OU course) so she has a friendly face who's looking out for her. Waiting to see both consultants next week to find out prospects for release & long-term care. We're hoping they'll say mum can come out if she goes for a couple of weeks respite care in a nursing home. Then we can get the house sorted if we need to. Looked round a few nursing homes with BB. O...M...G....... the prices they charge . If both went into the nicest one we saw (think The Ritz with zimmer frames) it would cost in the region of £100,000 per year . We saw a BUPA one which was very nice (although we've heard some poor reports about it ) which would be a bit less but not much. Also saw one which was absolutely awful - I wouldn't send my dog there . We're now thinking along the lines of getting them both back to the house with a care package and adaptations to make it possible. All depends if they say Dad can live at home at all. So I'm still knackered as I'm visiting both every day but the mental torture has lessened . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 There seems to be a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel for you ANH. The home care package sounds a good idea....and perhaps your mums mental state will perk up if she is in familiar surroundings, once she has been fully assessed and treatment starts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 The home care package does sound the most affordable option. £100,000 why does it cost so much? My mum was 98 when she died and she point blank refused to go into a home, she had no mental problems, although she was deaf and almost blind with cataracts, mostly she was just frail. We organised a lady who came in twice a day to help her with getting up and going to bed. A home help for her cleaning, a hairdresser, a gardener and somebody did her shopping. I was so happy that she retained her independence until the end. I do hope you get something sorted out that works for both your parents. And take care of yourself, a large glass of wine or two might help relax you Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Good luck ANH, I'm inclined to echo what Tessa says but of course it depends on exactly what your dad - and mum - need in the way of care. Most people are happier staying in their own homes, and there is a lot available in terms of care, as well as a lot of adaptations (stair lifts, safety handles, special things to make the loo seat higher) that can make life easier. It would be very upsetting for all concerned however to set up a care package if it then broke down, either because it didn't really meet their needs or because your mum (in particular) can't cope with it. In some ways, if a decision about a nursing/residential home has to be made it's easier while they are in hospital than once they have returned home. Glad they are both doing better, and hope you can get some info about the funding available for some of these options. And I hope you are also getting some rest, and a bit of fun with your children, and managing to switch off from it all even if it's only for half-an-hour at a time. Pour that glass of wine and sit back and let someone else get the tea! good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedusA Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Certainlypeople can live in their own homes with substantial care packages, even if they are quite dependant, ANH. From what you've told us, the crux would seem to be your Mum's mental health issues rather than your Dad's physical ones, in that , is it "safe" to leave her there with your Dad. I'm not suggesting it wouldn't be feasible, just food for thought. Take all the professional advice that is offered to help you make an informed decision. *hugs* I agree that the costs of some homes can be astronomical! There is a fabulous one near me, that is like a posh hotel and charges £1000 per week just for the accomodation, with care costs on top of that. Still, if there is a market out there...... If you do go for the Nursing/Residential Home route, go with your gut feeling. If you like it, but have heard bad reports, those reports may be based on long-previous history. Check the up to date CSCI reports and make several unannounced visits. Seems like things are on the up though. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Webmuppet Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I was shocked at the prices for care homes . I've looked at a couple with my mother and they seem to charge around £900 per week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 24, 2008 Author Share Posted March 24, 2008 It just seems wrong that they can charge that much, doesn't it? Even a really grotty one which we immediately discounted costs about £650 a week . My mum and dad have scrimped and saved all their lives (like many people their age) and all their savings and assets could disappear in just a few years. The frustrating thing now is that we just have to wait until the doctors give us some idea of how things with dad will be long term. Until then we can't do a thing. My feeling is that if dad has to be in a care home, mum would be better in sheltered housing and their house could then be sold to pay for both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 My feeling is that if dad has to be in a care home, mum would be better in sheltered housing and their house could then be sold to pay for both. How sad if this happens. A couple who have been together for a lifetime having to end up living apart. I do understand though that you have to do what is best for them both. I hope the drs. soon get round to assessing your dad's future needs and you can start making decisions and plans. Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 24, 2008 Author Share Posted March 24, 2008 I know, Tessa, it seems like an awful solution (they celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary last week in separate hospitals ) but TBH mum would never cope with a care home. She is currently finding it extremely hard being "institutionalised" and a care home would be worse. (I know most people would, but she is one of a kind as you've probably gathered ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
