Single hen

[The Dogmother]

Well, I should be able to get back on the forum more now, and catch up on all those posts that I've missed (anyone care to precis it all for me????).

 

I thought I'd start off with a funny that I received this morning - I know how they feel!

 

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

 

His wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen" he replies. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

 

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

 

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down

because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

 

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better

write it down!" she retorts.

 

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he grumbles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

 

She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?

 

........................

 

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting

married?"

 

"Yep!"

"Do I know her?"

"Nope!"

"This woman, is she good looking?"

"Not really."

"Is she a good cook?"

"Naw, she can't cook too well."

"Does she have lots of money?"

"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."

"Well then, is she good in bed?"

"I don't know."

"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"

"Because she can still drive!"

 

.......................

 

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

 

Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"

 

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

 

 

.....................

 

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art. It's perfect."

 

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

 

"Twelve thirty."

 

......................

 

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days

later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

 

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be

cheerful.'

 

" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be

careful.'"

 

.....................

 

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself

slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a

banana split.

 

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

 

"No," he replied, "arthritis."

[Linda]

Thanks for the laugh, Clare. Very funny! Hope it's a long way off for us yet.

[Martin B]

A nice little collection of giggles.

[Cinnamon]

Clare,why are you now named after a red wine...Claret?

[The Dogmother]

Because I'm warm, fruity, passionate and Italian like a good Barolo! No, really, because I decided to take my last name off my user name just to be safer.

[Popcorn]

I liked the first account Clare

[The Dogmother]

Me too

[chocchick]

Clare,why are you now named after a red wine...Claret?

Good, glad it wasn't just me going crazy

[Mel (& Paul)]

Claret - now I like you even more

[The Dogmother]