Part 0800.0005

[KimmyCustard]

YSD knows most of it (nearly 12) cos I have questioned her as to how much she knows and where from, ie older sisters, school etc. She usually laughs and then says what she knows, which is accurate, surprisingly! She has no interest in boys as yet (thank the lord) but is about to go to secondary school, think that may change...............

 

I was reading the problem page in a Sunday newspaper (aged about 10) once and asked my mum (dad and elder brother present) what b***ery meant, she nearly fainted. Still reminds me of it now!

 

Books are a great idea for parents, helps explain all without going into too much science!

 

Kimmy

x

[Hen Watch]

My children have known from nursery school age where babies come from, that they were made from eggs that grow, all about periods and tampons etc. But even though I have been really open about all the "mechanics" of they body I was never asked any questions about sex.

 

My children have all read "Mummy Laid an Egg" by Babette Cole which talks about "daddy has seeds in seed pods outside his body" and "the tube goes into mummy's tummy through a little hole". The illustrations are hillarious. I definately recomend it as there are no clinical scary words used and the language is quite young. Along with "Hair in Funny Places" by same author.

 

But having the serious "talk" about sex itself and what happens I felt was a separate issue. I feel it depends on the emotional maturity of the individual child. For example my eldest daughter was asking questions and at 9 and a half I sat her down and read out loud the book "Lets Talk About Where Babies Come From" by Robie H Harris. I has fun comic style pictures and gives the facts without being too graphic. I then let her re-read it alone in her room and told her to ask me any questions. I then put the book on the top shelf and said if she ever wanted it just to ask but it would stay out of reach of her younger siblings and that the information I had given her was not to be shared with her peers as their parents would decide when they were ready for the information and teach it according to their own family values and she seemed to understand that.

 

Now second daughter is currently 10 yrs old and we have NOT had the talk. Because she is a more sensetive child than eldest daughter and I feel that the time is not right just yet. But when she does ask I will consider the same approach as before.

 

By the way be careful when searching for books by Robie H Harris. As there is also "Let's Talk About Sex" which is much more detailed. It is a good book but I felt it was more for older teenagers and I won't let the children read it just yet so it's hidden away.

[KimmyCustard]

Also forgot to add..................

 

My best friend at the time (aged 10) had a sister 5 years older than us, we so wanted to be her as she was sooooo cool and knew everything about everything. My friend used to sneak looks through her drawers when her sister was out and one day discovered a box of Lilets. These were the ultimate in 'becoming a woman' and neither of us had ever been 'up close' to a tampon! So she stole one and saved it till I went round there to play!

 

We unwrapped it carefully and held it up to each other, wondering how you kept it from slipping out of your knickers, not imagining for one moment that they go where they actually go! Then we had the trauma of deciding where to put this unwrapped gem. We eventually decided upon the great idea of burying it in the garden so "Ooops, word censored!"ody would know what we'd done. Kids!!!!!

 

Kimmy

x

[Guest]

We've told DD honest answers to all her questions, from about the age of six. Although there is one question i've refused to answer, "how do gay people, particularly men, have sex". I defy you to be able to answer that without blushing.

 

 

So how do gay men have sex???????? I'm gay. And have lots of gay male friends, (and females), but not all like how you seem to percieve? Trust me. As with Heterosexuals, some are givers, some are takers, but not all like it the same way I do admire DD though. Probably will grow up Heterosexual, but obviously very open minded, even at the age of six, but if DD does happen to grow up gay, then what a great parent she has had, and devoid of bigotry, and brain washing xx

 

Spare your blushes Just tell DD some people prefer people of their own sex. If DD turn out to be of the other persuasion,she will have an understanding parent and find out what to do in their own time, and what they prefer behind closed doors- and no-one else's business

[Guest]

I'm not sure if I will be allowed this - but my eldest son asked me outisde school gates (primary) what gay meant as someone had called him it in playground The draught from the flapping ears was phenominal!! I told him (in the car) that its if a lady fell in love with lady or man with a man. That seemed to relieve his angusih and mine. The nosey mums never knew what I had said tee hee

 

Tell your son to not worry. At high school, there were guys seemingly anti-gay. All grew up heterosexual, to my knowledge. However, all three of them seemed to sense even then i was gay (and i wouldn't consider myself particularly camp or obvious) and hit on me out of school hours wanting to apparently experiment. I had the pleasure of turning all three down. Years later i saw one in a gay club. However since, he's apparently gone straight?? Yeah, right?

 

Just be honest with your kids, and let them form their own sexuality without any stress. Both my parents were bigoted and i knew i was gay from a young age, but was terrified to 'come out' only my sister knew and she was brilliant. However, the most i feared was my dad and thought my mum would be understanding. As it turned out, it was the other way round. She was a cow, (but my dad was so understanding, and remains one of my best friends to date ) but later she came round, but i've never forgotten it, and the horrible things she said and done. How nice it would have been to have two parents who realised and was understanding. Life is too short and we can't help our Genes.

[Helly Welly]

We've told DD honest answers to all her questions, from about the age of six. Although there is one question i've refused to answer, "how do gay people, particularly men, have sex". I defy you to be able to answer that without blushing.

 

 

So how do gay men have sex???????? I'm gay. And have lots of gay male friends, (and females), but not all like how you seem to percieve? Trust me. As with Heterosexuals, some are givers, some are takers, but not all like it the same way I do admire DD though. Probably will grow up Heterosexual, but obviously very open minded, even at the age of six, but if DD does happen to grow up gay, then what a great parent she has had, and devoid of bigotry, and brain washing xx

 

Spare your blushes Just tell DD some people prefer people of their own sex. If DD turn out to be of the other persuasion,she will have an understanding parent and find out what to do in their own time, and what they prefer behind closed doors- and no-one else's business

 

 

DD knows what gay is, just not the actual mechanics of how they have sex. She wants to know where things go and i just can't tell her yet. She is very pen-minded, as are we, and as long as she's happy, we're happy.

[Looney]

I remember telling my Mum that two female ducks we came across could have babies and her explaining that you need a boy and a girl duck to make a baby duck. I was only about 5 and that settled my curiosity for a while. We were given a book when we were older explaining the basic facts but I don't remember an open conversation about the birds and bees and who does what and when!

 

I remember asking what gay meant and being told that it was when girls preferred girls and boys preferred boys. I also remember asking what AIDS was - at the time it was still perceived as an issue mainly for homosexuals - but my Mum explained why people thought this and why it really was an issue for everyone and how people could protect themselves. Thinking back, she also said that hopefully a cure would have been found by the time I was a teenager....how sad to think that there still isn't

 

As others have said, I think you have to tailor your explanation to each particular child as all will respond differently depending on their personality. I was a real book worm so happy to read about it all.

[Guest]

We've told DD honest answers to all her questions, from about the age of six. Although there is one question i've refused to answer, "how do gay people, particularly men, have sex". I defy you to be able to answer that without blushing.

 

 

So how do gay men have sex???????? I'm gay. And have lots of gay male friends, (and females), but not all like how you seem to percieve? Trust me. As with Heterosexuals, some are givers, some are takers, but not all like it the same way I do admire DD though. Probably will grow up Heterosexual, but obviously very open minded, even at the age of six, but if DD does happen to grow up gay, then what a great parent she has had, and devoid of bigotry, and brain washing xx

 

Spare your blushes Just tell DD some people prefer people of their own sex. If DD turn out to be of the other persuasion,she will have an understanding parent and find out what to do in their own time, and what they prefer behind closed doors- and no-one else's business

 

 

DD knows what gay is, just not the actual mechanics of how they have sex. She wants to know where things go and i just can't tell her yet. She is very pen-minded, as are we, and as long as she's happy, we're happy.

 

LOL! Sorry mate, i can't help you there I would be stuck as to what to tell them too That DD sounds a little sweetheart though. Bless her heart x

[Alis girls]

Thanks Damien, he is now 13 and everything at school and please dont be offended is "gay, cool or sick" or is it the other way round Despite being wordly wise at 13 they havent a clue really and are mixed up and dont know whats what. My 7 yr old has started asking a few questions but nothing too heavy yet It will come. i am impressed by how other parents answer and cope with those lovely little questions often asked in full earshot of others - well done you lot Oh apparentely "cool" means "sick" and vice versa HELP

[The Dogmother]

Rosie is busy explaining to the boys at school that the word 'gay' isn't an insult.... I'm not sure that she's getting anywhere though.

 

She has grown up with a goodly stock of my friends who are gay, so is happy with the notion, but hasn't asked about the mechanics yet.

[Alis girls]

They use it for everything - I despair oldest son (13) even says it about our ginger tom cat who loves worn underpants!! He may have a point I would say cat has knicker fetish!! Anyway I will be told off for going off at a tangent.

[kitbag]

I have a lot of gay friends. TBH, I would wait until they approach you about it! My Mum just told me outright but I just didn't see it different from any other couple!

[Guest]

I don't think i've ever met such a lovely bunch of people en masse as i have on here, and their healthy minded children. Well done to all of you. You should be proud of yourselves and your children. I always say that as long as it doesn't involve children i couldn't care less what consenting adults do behind closed doors as long as it harms no-one. That's what makes life more interesting, and the people you meet along the way.

[Hen Watch]

Just be honest with your kids, and let them form their own sexuality without any stress.

 

I do try my best, but am dredding any "mechanics" questions.

 

When my son was 6 asked me what a “snivel partnership” was..... (bless him he got his civil bit all wrong it was quite funny to hear)..... and so I told him. When he told his best friend at school that they should have a “snivel partnership” I thought it was funny and a lovely sentiment as he really does love his best friend. Not sure that his best friend’s mum saw it that way, especially as my son didn’t let it drop for about a year.....

 

In the book I mentioned in my earlier post, it has a bit on “Lots of Kinds of Love” and it is really sweet. It explains about different types of love, for your relations, for your best friend, pets or cuddly toys. Also love between grown-ups female and male, or a male and a male, or a female and a female. It simply explains the words homosexual, heterosexual, lesbian, gay and straight as words that you may come across. And says that “a person’s daily life, having friends, having fun, being a mum or dad, loving another person – is mostly the same whether a person is straight or gay”.

 

Going off topic, the same book has a lovely bit on “Becoming a Family by Birth or by Adoption” which again I think is good for children to know it says “choosing to adopt a baby/child is another way for a grown-up to become a parent”. It’s has a nice couple of pages on families, parents being married, living together, living apart, living with birth parents, adoptive parents or stepparents or relatives. It mentions children whose parents are gay men or lesbian women too.

 

I do hope that by talking about gay relationships in a matter of fact manner now will mean my kids grow up as more rounded, understanding young people and that wouldn’t be afraid to come to me or their dad if they needed us.

[Guest]

Snivel Partnership How beautiful! That had me chuckling

[Alis girls]

I agree with Damien, we are a nice bunch. Hopefully ours kids will be too, its not easy bringing up kids in such a horrid world (older forum users will say it never was) but i do believe there are more good people in this world than bad you've just gotta find em! I will get off my soap box before someone pushes me off.BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Looney]

That really made me laugh snivel partnership sooooo cute!