Peacocks

[Yorkshire Pudding]

DS1 is nearly ten and has started to mention sex occasionally. He's never really been that interested in where babies come from, but obviously has heard talk from his friends at school. In the past, attempts to discuss the matter have met with total lack of interest but that has changed recently so I thought it was time to start a conversation...

 

I've ordered a couple of well-recomended books from Amazon for him as he reads a lot and said he would like to read about this, and I've had a little chat with him to ascertain what he understands (which is not a lot really, but at least he hasn't been given a lot of inaccurate information!). He seemed pleased that I said it was not a 'rude' subject and that it was fine to ask about it and talk about it with me and Dad.

 

I wondered how and when you managed to broach the subject with your own children, and how did it go?

 

I remember finding out myself at about age 7 - I asked my Dad how babies got inside their Mums, he gave me a short factual account, and I didn't believe a word of it. I went and got a book from the library and was astonished to find out he was telling the truth .

 

 

I've taught umpteen children the facts at school but somehow my own is different!

[Chickvic]

My DD started to ask when she was about 7 so we bought a very simple book and looked at it together. We now have another book (she's 11) and we sit and look together. It is important that it isn't rude and that they can ask any questions, that's half the battle! We still get the book out and if she has any questions I answer them honestly. It's the best I can do! She still likes to get the book out because it shows a baby developing in the womb (illustrations) and she loves it especially as we have new babies in our extended family.

[fluffyknickers]

Sorry I am going to be no help at all - apart from to say my mum was always open with us and we were allowed to ask what we wanted without any red faces or being told it was rude.

 

Anyway, funny story - my brother when he was little started asking about the facts of life so my mum decided she would buy him a book he could read it then they could talk about it. So she left a book on his bed about a fictional couple of get married and have a baby etc, and when he came in from school he went upstairs and read it.

 

When he came down, my mum was ready for the barrage of questions, my mum said "what would you like to ask me or tell me", my brother said "They live at number two like us". That was it!

 

Michelle x

[Chickvic]

I think my son would do exactly the same

[AJuff]

My son asked his dad recently, 'What's it like when you and mum . . .you know . . . ' His dad told him it was none of his business!!! He's only 9, I wonder who he has been talking to!!

[Egluntyne]

I always waited till they asked the questions rather than start an awkward conversation.

 

You have to hope that they don't ask things in a crystal clear voice at the checkout in Sainsbury's.

 

I did kind if rehe"Ooops, word censored!" in my head the kind of answers I thought I might give.

[bluekarin]

When I feel they are about to ask me something, I do start to feel a bit embarrassed as to how I'm going to answer. But then I tell myself off and answer them as matter of factly as possibly, as if they are asking why the sky is blue. My yd is 9 and she has started doing sex and reationship education at school. My ds (10) got a bit embarassed a few weeks ago as his homework was on the changes that happen in puberty and he had to do a leaflet with pictures and labels. But he then matter of factly sat down and got on with it. I don't ever remember my parents telling me anything about the facts of life. I remember once my mum gave me a pack of sanitary towels and said you'll need them one day. However, when I did need them, they were gone from my wardrobe!

[McChook]

I'd definitely go with telling them anything they want to know!

 

I tried to postpone telling my ED anything until one day, when she was about 8, I put a bag of shopping in the car and she pointed at a box of tampons and asked 'what's that?' I tried to fob her off saying 'Oh, they're just ladies things, you don't need to worry about that yet' to which she knowingly replied 'Ahh, Tippex!'

[chickencam]

Tippex

 

I sat ED down when she asked a vague question and baffled her with too much info on periods etc when she was about 10. Since then I have answered questions in a much shorter factual way without embarassment.

 

I remember standing on the landing with hubby giving DS a summary of how it all works about 18 months ago he is now nearly 13 and YD has learnt a lot from her older siblimgs and has inherited the 'all I need to knoe book from ED.

 

The Girls have had 'All I need to know about periods' and DS has had 'all I need to know about willies etc' both ecellent book from The Book People.

 

We seem to have managed to keep lines of communication very light and casual and up to now they are very open with us and us with them. Be honest try not to seem embarassed and it will be fine.

[mostin]

As long as you're kids know they can ask you anything and you won't laugh or shout at them then you'll be fine. My parents were very unapproachable about this subject as they are so easily embarrassed and not easy to talk to. I relish embarassing them now as me and OH are very open about everything . They've loosened up alot now in self defence.

 

I got all my info from school, and my friends parents who were really "cool" in my eyes, and would answer any question. I love helping my SIL out with the awkward question answering with my nieces, I will tell them anything they ask, I agree that it must be alot easier when they are not your own kids.

[Valkyrie]

When ours had the film at school we were allowed to pre view it. I think the parents were more embarrassed than the children would be. The only question that my son asked was "do periods hurt?" Birds, bees - fine. He would have to ask about the worst thing that I was totally unprepared for. Luckily I was driving and he and his friends couldn't see my red face. They then discussed the whole thing between themselves in the back seat - which was very entertaining.

[Cinnamon]

I wondered how and when you managed to broach the subject with your own children, and how did it go?

 

 

You could always leave it a couple of years, then they will tell you

[Guest]

I'm 43 now, and my mother passed away nine years ago. However, i will always be thankful to my parents. Children aren't daft and soon pick up things from school, and my parents were totally honest. I like to think i have grown up as a well adjusted individual as a result of their honesty, compared to an ex of mine where sex mentioned in the household was considered 'dirty' and taboo. As far as i'm concerned he was the one who grew up mal-adjusted where it comes to sex. Once i knew about it, it ceased to become this fascinating thing, and not what it's all cracked up to be.

[little chickadee]

I've done the talk with my DD. She was really grossed out We've also talked through all the silly untrue things which she will no doubt be told at some stage. Eg safe during periods/ standing up etc which unfortunatley leave a lot of teenage girls becoming pregnant.

Luckily she knows that she can ask me any questions.

 

We'd talked a lot about periods a while ago as she's 9 and my Grandmother started at about that age without any prior knowledge of what was happening. It must be so terrifying when that happens to a girl, although I think that we are more open as a society now.

 

We also had a lot of questions when our last Guide Dog Pup Quita was having her season as we had to keep her away from Boy dogs incase one gave her a "special cuddle"

When We were driving home from school one day my son asked "was it nice when daddy gave you the special cuddle which made me?!" I had to try so hard not to laugh and was glad that I was facing the road - I managed to say "It's such a long time ago I can't really remember!"

[Chickvic]

When We were driving home from school one day my son asked "was it nice when daddy gave you the special cuddle which made me?!" I had to try so hard not to laugh and was glad that I was facing the road - I managed to say "It's such a long time ago I can't really remember!"

 

That is so funny!

[feemcg]

Last year when Anna was 8 I found a load of tampons stuffed in her school bag. I asked her what she was going to do with them and she said play a game. So I sat her down and told her what they were for and she said ' Och mummy, why didn't you tell me that before now!'. She was quite fascinated and disappointed she hadn't known all the details. I've never spoken to her about sex but the amount of comments flying around between me, my 16 year old and 18 year old I'm sure she's picking up plenty

[Yorkshire Pudding]

 

Fee, that reminded me of my sister aged seven - she found my Mum's tampons. They were the type that have a loop of string not just a single strand. She had no idea what they were for but had a good look and unwrapped a few.

 

Only when she and her friend had adorned their ears with them, a loop over each ear with the tampon dangling beneath like a large absorbent earring, and been down to the sweet shop and back, leaving a trail of giggling pedestrians in their wake, were they caught.

 

I like to remind my little sister about this occasionally...

[feemcg]

.....I didn't ask Anna what 'game' she was going to play!

[Ana's flock]

We've always spoken about everything naturally in front of the children, when people in the family or close friends got pregnant, etc, so they've picked up a lot like this. We also speak to them (no just in front of them), and they have asked questions about boys things, like erections, why they happen, etc and we've been informative without either blinding them with science or using silly metaphors (so no storks, birds, bees etc).

 

They both (ages 11 and 7) know about all there is to know, including risks of getting girls pregnant, and some illnesses you can catch if you don't take care (obviously without going into too much detail - just answering their questions clearly and giving a little extra information - if they seem to be getting bored, we just change the subject - usually to something Lego or Dr Who related...)

 

They've also developed a bit of sense of humour about it, like when my DS2, (he was 6 at the time) said I had lots of cocks in the house - we had 3 cockerels then - and he started saying: 'Kingsley, Buffy, the white chook, Dad's, DS1's, mine...' with a giggle in his voice.

 

They also know not to shout these things in public places, and when and where they can to 'willy' jokes and how to keep quiet in front of granpa and other people who'd think it rude.

 

So, that's what we're doing, keeping it balanced, natural, true, and at times a bit funny.

[Kirstine]

Be warned!

 

If you are open and honest about sex (and the same goes for drugs and alcohol), once your kids become sexually active themselves this does not automatically stop, and you may well be in for Too Much Information.

 

Which doesn't make it wrong, of course, quite the opposite, but I've had conversations with my stepchildren over a bottle of wine that I'd never in a million years have with my parents. It's all good

[Helly Welly]

We've told DD honest answers to all her questions, from about the age of six. Although there is one question i've refused to answer, "how do gay people, particularly men, have sex". I defy you to be able to answer that without blushing.

[freddie]

The only one i baulked at is what is rape; that was when he was 10, and really i think is too young to get the idea of violence, when he has only just begun to grasp the rest of it.

DD, meanwhile, is horribly matter of fact about the girl/ month issues!

[Alis girls]

I'm not sure if I will be allowed this - but my eldest son asked me outisde school gates (primary) what gay meant as someone had called him it in playground The draught from the flapping ears was phenominal!! I told him (in the car) that its if a lady fell in love with lady or man with a man. That seemed to relieve his angusih and mine. The nosey mums never knew what I had said tee hee

[Old Speckled Hen]

My daughter is now 23 and all the years she was growing up she never asked me anything and would never be drawn into a conversation with me about sex. I did try a few times, rather lamely I must admit.

At 18 she told me she was gay but I had known for years. I wish I could have helped her through what must have been a difficult time.

I never forgave her Godmother taking her aside and suggesting it was a passing phase and that she "would grow out of it".

[The Dogmother]

"It's such a long time ago I can't really remember!"

 

I bet OH was flattered that you couldn't remember

 

I have always been very open on the subject with Rosie and answered any questions that came up. I bought her some books about 3 years ago (she's 11 now) and we read through them together. We now have some more advanced books, which we occasionally read together and she asks questions as they crop up.