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mondegreens..

By Guest revnev, in The Nesting Box

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AnnieP Feathery Fanatic

AnnieP

Posted
Posted

Great topic. Slightly off the beaten track here, but a great book: Blessed Art thou a Monk Swimming ( by Miriam Dunne).

and whilst being probably blasphemous, the complete Bus Driver's prayer, courtesy of the late, great Ian Dury:

 

Our Father,

Who art in Hendon

Harrow Road be Thy name

Thy Kingston come

Thy Wimbledon

In Erith as it is in Hendon.

Give us this day our Berkhampstead

And forgive us our Westminsters

As we forgive those who Westminster against us.

Lead us not into Temple Station

And deliver us from Ealing,

For thine is the Kingston

The Purley and the Crawley,

For Iver and Iver

Crouch End

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Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

Do you remember the "B" side to "Hit me with your Rhythm stick"?

 

I can remember my cousins and I (in Pangbourne) playing that covertly when we were about 8 and thinking we were dead naughty / brave! :lol:

 

Ian Dury is a hero of mine - he came from Upminster y'know. Fantastic lyrics to most of his songs (including one about Billericay near here which escapes my memory for a moment..)

 

and a REALLY great song called "My Old Dad" or something - when his Dad died - really moving to listen to....

 

anyway - the B-side of Rhythm stick - in glorious technicolour... all together now....

 

Noel Coward was a charmer.

As a writer he was brahma.

Velvet jackets and pyjamas,

"the gay divorce" and other dramas.

 

There ain't half been some clever b**tards

(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)

There ain't half been some clever b**-tards.

 

Van Gough did some eyeball pleasers.

He must have been a pencil squeezer.

He didn't do the Mona Lisa,

That was an Italian geezer.

 

There ain't half been some clever b**tards

(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)

There ain't half been some clever b**-tards.

 

Einstein can't be classed as witless.

He claimed atoms were the littlest.

When you did a bit of splitting-em-ness

Frighten everybody s**tless

 

There ain't half been some clever b**tards.

Probably got help from their mum

(who had help from her mum).

There ain't half been some clever b**tards.

Now that we've had some,

let's hope that there's lots more to come.

 

There ain't half been some clever b**tards

(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)

There ain't half been some clever b**-tards.

 

Okey-dokey!

Oh!

Segovia.

Da-laa la-laa da-daa da-lee

De dump di dump de dump-dump-diddle li-lee.

 

There ain't half been some clever b**tards

(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)

There ain't half been some clever b**tards

(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)

There ain't half been some clever b**tards

(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)

There ain't half been some clever........

..................................b**tards.

 

 

(see - I even censored myself - or, rather, I censored Ian Dury... sacrilege!!!)

 

Phil

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Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

that's the one, Annie - I knew someone would know...

 

good evening i'm from Essex

in case you couldn't tell

my given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay

and I'm doing very well

 

had a love affair with Nina

in the back of my Cortina

a seasoned up hyena could not have been more obscener

she took me to the cleaners

and other misdemeanours

but I got right up between her

rum and her Ribena

 

 

(some of us still use the phrase "rum and ribena" don't we?)

 

:shock:

 

Phil

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The Dogmother Eggsistentialist

The Dogmother

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I've got a number of Hendrix albums including a German tour he did:D 8) when the children first saw them they wated to know where I got the big CD's from :roll:

 

karen x

 

Jules and Harry always describe vinyl as big CDs.

 

I don't think they've ever seen a record playing (we ditched our record player years and years ago). I've still got some vinyl - I kept all my picture discs (Mel and Kim / Debbie Harry) and I have the 7" single of Picture This by Blondie on Yellow Vinyl.

 

I have most of the Blondie singles I think - I had an idea that I was going to get the sleeves framed and put them on the wall (I love things like that on the wall).

 

 

 

 

8)

 

Bring your vinyl over next week Dan and I'll get the turntable cranked up. Rosie loves some of my old records. I had to edit my collection quite severly a few years back due to lack of space, but still have some good stuff, yes and some Blondie too.

 

Phil can burn vinyl to digital files - ask him next week and he'll tell you about it because I've never bothered to ask him properly :roll:

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The Dogmother Eggsistentialist

The Dogmother

Posted
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Sorry, only just caugth up on this!

 

The reference to Rum and Ribena reminds me of a ditty by Victoria Wood (I couldn't remember all of it, so had to look it up - where would we be without the internet?). A tad lengthy, but worth repeating :lol: :

 

Oh dear! What can the matter be?

Eight o’clock at night on a Saturday,

Tracey Clegg and Nicola Battersby

 

Coming to town double quick.

 

They rendezvous in front of a pillar.

Tracey’s tall like Jonathan Miller.

Nicola’s more like Guy the Gorilla,

 

If Guy the Gorilla were thick.

 

Their hair’s been done. It’s very expensive.

Their use of mousse and gel is extensive.

As weapons, their heads would be classed as offensive

 

And put under some kind of a ban.

 

They’re covered in perfumes, but these are misnomers.

Nicola’s scent could send dogs into comas.

Tracey’s kills insects and dustbin aromas,

 

And also gets stains off the pan.

 

Chorus:

But it’s their night out.

It’s what it’s all about,

 

Looking for lads, looking for fun,

A burger and chips with a sesame bun.

They’re in the mood

For a fabulous interlude

 

Of living it up, painting the town,

Drinking Barcardi and keeping it down,

But it’s all alright.

It’s what they do of a Saturday night.

 

Oh dear! What can the matter be?

What can than terrible crunching and clatter be?

It’s the cowboy boots of Nicola Battersby

 

Leading the way into town.

 

They hit the pub, and Tracey’s demeanour

Reminds you of a loopy hyena.

They have sixteen gins a rum and Ribena,

 

And this is before they’ve sat down.

 

They dare a bloke from Surrey called Murray

To phone the police and order a curry.

He gets locked up. It’s a bit of a worry,

 

But they won’t have to see him again.

 

They’re dressed to kill and looking fantastic.

Tracey’s gone for rubber and plastic.

Nicola’s dress is a piece of elastic.

 

It’s under a heck of a strain.

 

Chorus:

But it’s their night out.

It’s what it’s all about,

 

Ordering drinks, ordering cabs,

Making rude gestures with doner kebabs.

They’re in the mood

For a fabulous interlude

Of weeing in parks, treading on plants,

Getting their dresses caught up in their pants,

And it’s all alright.

It’s what they do of a Saturday night

 

Oh dear! What can the matter be?

What can that terrible slurping and splatter be?

It’s Tracey Clegg and Nicola Battersby

 

Snogging with Derek and Kurt.

 

They’re well stuck into heavyish petting.

It’s far too dark to see what you’re getting.

Tracey’s bra flies off, how upsetting,

 

And several people are hurt.

 

 

Oh dear, oh dear,

Oh dear, oh dear,

 

Oh dear! What can the matter be?

What can that motheaten pile of old tatters be?

It’s Tracey Clegg and Nicola Battersby

 

Getting chucked off the last Ninety-Two

 

With miles to go and no chance of hitching,

And Nicola’s boots have bust at the stitching,

Tracey laughs and says, "What’s the point "Ooops, word censored!"ing?

 

I couldn’t give a b**ger. Could you?"

 

© Victoria Wood

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Richard T All Knowing Superchicken

Richard T

Posted
Posted
Jules and Harry always describe vinyl as big CDs.

 

I don't think they've ever seen a record playing (we ditched our record player years and years ago). I've still got some vinyl - I kept all my picture discs (Mel and Kim / Debbie Harry) and I have the 7" single of Picture This by Blondie on Yellow Vinyl.

 

I have most of the Blondie singles I think - I had an idea that I was going to get the sleeves framed and put them on the wall (I love things like that on the wall).

 

8)

 

Dan - I've got Denis on a 12". That's got quite a cover on it! :shock: (Breaks into a sweat) It's frightening to think it's nearly 30 years old.

 

I think vinyl is making a bit of a comback. We've got a record player in the attic which I'll be bringing back into use in the new house.

 

And going back even before vinyl, a friend of mine played me some old blues 78s recently and they sound better than vinyl or CD.

 

 

Richard T

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Mrs Blue Sky Frequent Layer

Mrs Blue Sky

Posted
Posted

My favourite Ian Dury

 

 

You'll See Glimpses

by Ian Dury & The Blockheads

album:

 

[entirely spoken in lucid reflective manner]:

You'll see.

They think I'm off my crust as I creep about the gaff.

But I'm really getting ready to surprise them all.

Because I'm busy sorting out the problems of the world.

And when I reveal all, I may get a crinkly mouth.

I've given my all to the task at hand unstintingly.

When it's all over, I'll rest on my laurels.

 

Here for a moment is a glimpse of my plan:

All kids will be happy learning things.

The wind will smell of wild flowers.

"Ooops, word censored!"ody will whack each other about with nasty things.

All the room in the world.

 

They take me for a mug because I smile.

They think I'm too out of tune to mind being patronised.

All in all, it's been another phase in my chosen career,

And when my secrets are out, they'll bite their silly tongues.

All I want for my birthday is another birthday.

When skies are blue, we all feel the benefit.

 

Glimpse Number 2 for the listener.

Everyone will feel useful in lovely ways.

Trees will be firmly rooted in town and country.

Illness and despair will be dispensed with.

All the room in the world.

 

They ask me if I've had the voices yet.

They don't think I know any true answers.

It's true that I haven't quite finished yet.

When it all comes out in the wash, they'll eat their words.

I've got all their names and addresses.

Later on I'll write them each a thank-you letter.

 

Before I stop, here's a last glimpse into the general future.

Home rule will exist in each home, forever.

Every living thing will be another friend.

This wonderful state of affairs will last for always.

This has been got out by a friend.

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I haven't thrown it away, I almost did but it would have been like throwing away an old friend :wink:

 

It may come back into fashion.......... one day :wink::wink:

 

PS This is our secret, don't tell Dan :wink:

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