PurpleHen Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 PET RULES To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height. Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the k"Ooops, word censored!" or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.) 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money all the time 3 Are easier to train 4. Normally come when called 5. Never ask to drive the car 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions 9. Don't want to wear your clothes 10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and... 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Very funny, and all so true, apart form one little comment Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less MOST pets eat less, unless they are called Tigger the One-eyed wonder, who continues to go through a ton of dry food every week, and then polishes off Hartleys kitten food! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Sounds like Biscuit Shona - apparently when he came round at the vets yesterday, he wasn't the slightest bit worried about where his nadgers had gone, just in getting the breakfast he'd missed Nice one Jackie! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen & co. Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Very good! karen x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kazaddress Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 fabulous Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theherd123 Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money all the time 3 Are easier to train 4. Normally come when called 5. Never ask to drive the car 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions 9. Don't want to wear your clothes 10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and... 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children. [/color] Just love this bit - think i will put it up in my office at work and if the kids get on my nerves it may even go in my classroom!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gooner.girl Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Just love it! And with a dog and 2 cats that lie in wait on the stairs for me first thing in the morning when i'm not very awake it certainly rings true! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfamily Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 PET RULES I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. I actually bought a King Size bed just so that the cat would have a bit more room Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Love it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy-Mama Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 Excellent, printing it off now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Man Banned Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 the bit about racing up and down the stairs is very appropriate for Molly We race each other if I have to go upstairs - 4:5 times she beats me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
