The Dogmother Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 This one made me laugh today: 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 7. If you think "Ooops, word censored!"ody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of carpayments. 8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. Thatway, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes! 9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. 14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put itback in your pocket. 16. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, andit holds the universe together. 18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 21. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative onthe same night.* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 These are good I like numbers 14 and 16 the best! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Very good ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin B Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen & co. Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 karenx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfamily Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Very True Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. That is so true! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlottechicken Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Brilliant! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
