Cinnamon Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 http://uk.news.yahoo.com/23032007/80-132/wanted-best-pulpit-puns.html I am sure you must have a few up your sleeve? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Our local church puts these on its rather large poster board. They make me cringe every time I see them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, heeeeeeeeeeee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gooner.girl Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 I remember reading in a football magazine about a sign put up outside a church in Nottingham after the Notts Forest star player of the time - Stan Collymore, signed for another team. It read something like 'Collymore may have deserted you but God never will...' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 A bit off topic but the following are all supposed to be taken from church bulletins. Some funnier than others. 1.Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help." 2.Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his private study. 3."This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar." 4.Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 5.Weight Watchers' will meet at 7 PM. Please use the double door at the side entrance. 6.Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. 7."Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community." 8.The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 9.The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. 10.The Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 PM. Please use the back door. 11.The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience. 12.During a Minister's Illness: "God is good - Dr. Hargreaves is better." 13."For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs." 14.The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. 15.The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy." 16.Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so. 17."Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow." 18.During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit. 19.Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church secretary. 20."This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.""There will be a baked bean supper next Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Music to follow." 22.The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. 23.Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 24.The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession. 25."Children will be led in sinning and Bible study." 26.Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing service will be discontinued until further notice. 27.The third verse of 'Blessed Assurance' will be sung without musical accomplishment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 5.Weight Watchers' will meet at 7 PM. Please use the double door at the side entrance. That is soooo funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 http://uk.news.yahoo.com/23032007/80-132/wanted-best-pulpit-puns.html I am sure you must have a few up your sleeve? one of our local anglican churches puts these up.. they always make my toes curl through sheer embarrassment.. they rotate the same 3 or 4 over and over again.... they like the CH--CH - what's missing one, they also have (referring to Jesus being a carpenter) "carpenter inside, joiners wanted" and... "God answers knee-mail" others.... err.... Seven days without prayer makes one weak This church is prayer-conditioned aggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! next time they put up the CH_ _CH what's missing sign, I'm gonna go round and paint "a shred of originality and an ounce of actual humour you morons - do you think we are stupid, and what makes you think that such a lame, smug, patronising bag of %$!!!** would ever make me want to come to your church!" (if I could fit that into the space, that is...) or.... I might change the second H into and R and then fill in the blanks OT.. NURSE!!! Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Attempt at being groovy to attract the yoof never work do they? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted March 24, 2007 Author Share Posted March 24, 2007 Prayer-Conditioned....I like that I always sid that if I ever own a fish & chips shop I will name it "In Cod We Trust" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 I always sid that if I ever own a fish & chips shop I will name it "In Cod We Trust" Veering off topic a bit....... there is a chippy near us called Assalt and Battered! Clever I thought! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Prayer-Conditioned....I like that I always sid that if I ever own a fish & chips shop I will name it "In Cod We Trust" on a similar theme, there was a camping shop having a winter sale.. "Now is the Winter of our discount tents!" Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 "Now is the Winter of our discount tents!" Phil Now that is both funny and clever! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocchick Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Most of those are really funny Egluntine I did tell a workmate she would be nun the wiser if she didn't find out about the nun she saw Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 My Mum had a restaurant many years ago - 'The Taming of the Stew'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocchick Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 I always sid that if I ever own a fish & chips shop I will name it "In Cod We Trust" Veering off topic a bit....... there is a chippy near us called Assalt and Battered! Clever I thought! There used to be Battersea Cods Home and curl up and dye (hairdressers) in Walkley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy-Mama Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
