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One for Revnev

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A bit off topic but the following are all supposed to be taken from church bulletins. Some funnier than others.


1.Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help."


2.Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his private study.


3."This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar."


4.Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


5.Weight Watchers' will meet at 7 PM. Please use the double door at the side entrance.


6.Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.


7."Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."


8.The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.


9.The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.


10.The Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 PM. Please use the back door.


11.The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.


12.During a Minister's Illness: "God is good - Dr. Hargreaves is better."


13."For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."


14.The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.


15.The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."


16.Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.


17."Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow."


18.During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.


19.Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church secretary.


20."This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.""There will be a baked bean supper next Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Music to follow."


22.The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.


23.Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.


24.The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.


25."Children will be led in sinning and Bible study."


26.Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing service will be discontinued until further notice.


27.The third verse of 'Blessed Assurance' will be sung without musical accomplishment.

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I am sure you must have a few up your sleeve? 8)


one of our local anglican churches puts these up.. they always make my toes curl through sheer embarrassment.. they rotate the same 3 or 4 over and over again....


they like the CH--CH - what's missing one,


they also have (referring to Jesus being a carpenter) "carpenter inside, joiners wanted"




"God answers knee-mail"


others.... err....


Seven days without prayer makes one weak


This church is prayer-conditioned




next time they put up the CH_ _CH what's missing sign, I'm gonna go round and paint "a shred of originality and an ounce of actual humour you morons - do you think we are stupid, and what makes you think that such a lame, smug, patronising bag of %$!!!** would ever make me want to come to your church!"


(if I could fit that into the space, that is...)




I might change the second H into and R and then fill in the blanks OT..







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Prayer-Conditioned....I like that :lol:


I always sid that if I ever own a fish & chips shop I will name it "In Cod We Trust" 8)


on a similar theme, there was a camping shop having a winter sale..


"Now is the Winter of our discount tents!"





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I always sid that if I ever own a fish & chips shop I will name it "In Cod We Trust" 8)

Veering off topic a bit....... there is a chippy near us called Assalt and Battered! Clever I thought!

There used to be Battersea Cods Home and curl up and dye :shock: (hairdressers) in Walkley :lol:

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