Part 0800.0005

[Guest]

Well that's the problem, with all this secrecy I can't be expected to comment accurately.

 

This could all have been avoided as depending on what was said, I could well be on your side and share similar views...

[Looney]

I think there is massive difference between a compliment and a lewd, dirty-old-man style comment though One is meant to make the other person feel good, the other just gives the person making the comment some sort of kick / enjoyment.

 

If you are in a work situation you are required to behave within acceptable boundaries and should be able to judge what is and what isn't acceptable in any given situation. For example, I get quite a lot of banter-style comments from the blokes I work with. They know me and know that I will give as good as I get and they know where the line is drawn. However, if any of them made any of these type of comments to business associates / partners / meeting attendees I would be absolutely horrified as it would be completely inappropriate behaviour.

[Chucky Mama]

Well that's the problem, with all this secrecy I can't be expected to comment accurately.

 

This could all have been avoided as depending on what was said, I could well be on your side and share similar views...

 

The fact that we can't post the comments are comment enough. Just as inappropriate on a family forum as to a stranger in the supermarket really.

[Alis girls]

Frankly other than OH who I expect to be er suggestive at times being married to him if any other guy made some sexist or crude comment I would be shocked - I suspect my days of being wolf whistled at are long gone It would be a case "shoulda gone to spec savers mate"

[chickenanne]

Complements can be taken the wrong way -of course tehy can be, and it's unfortunate. But a complement generally goes along the lines of "you look nice" or "I like your...". Not the same as unsolicited comments from near-strangers along the lines of what the person would like to do with/to you (or a 14 year old child!!!!)... Most women don't want to be told by a complete stranger that he wants to (ahem) do something with them; most women don't want to be seen or commented on in (ahem) that way by total strangers when they're walking down the street/in the supermarket/doing normal everyday stuff.

[Sheilaz]

just to update you all

 

the manager rang me this afternoon, she has interviewed the chap, who has ADMITTED most (majority) of his comments to me.

he is now to receive training and a note on his personal file. it seems to appear that he may have learning difficulties reading between the lines of what she said.

 

However at this point i am happy at this outcome, and hope that he learns from this.

 

BTW i am over 40, but was completely shellshocked at the time

 

This seems to me to be the best result, and I'm glad that you are happy with the outcome.

Congratulations for reporting it calmly, not everyone would have done so.

 

Your action means that hopefully "Ooops, word censored!"ody else will suffer this unacceptable behaviour, and also that the man will receive training and presumably be suitably monitiored.

 

I often work with people who may, through their learning disability and inexperience of situations, have inappropriate behaviour, but a lot can be achieved with training.

It is a struggle to achieve acceptance in the workplace and some major supermarkets have been marvellous in addressing this.

I'm afraid there is still some feeling in society that "these people" should be kept away from us, presumably in the instituations of a generation ago?

 

So, I applaud companies that offer good jobs and training, and also Bertie McSquirty for a sensible reaction to everyone's benefit.

Sorry you suffered the unpleasant situation though, that must have been horrible.

[Cinnamon]

most women don't want to be seen or commented on in (ahem) that way by total strangers when they're walking down the street/in the supermarket/doing normal everyday stuff.

 

 

Or walking past a building site.

 

I truly believe that they know it makes the woman/girl/victim feel uncomfortable & possibly upset,but they do it anyhow.

Hubby works in the building trade & is often appalled by what he hears,& knows it gives the trade a really bad name.

A lot of it may be blokeish banter,but my goodness,some of the things my 17 year old daughter has had said to her would make your hair curl

 

 

Luckily she has her i-pod in most of the time,but the odd remark still slips through.

And no,they are not compliments,but more lewd & very graphic declarations of the sexual kind.

[PurpleTree]

I think, as it's been said, there's a time and a place for everything. You don't expect to go to the supermarket and have the checkout assistant make suggestive remarks.

 

When I worked for the Council, I was serving a man with his Resident Parking Permit, he started commenting on how slim I was and asked me what bra size I was When I wouldn't tell him he started trying to guess, making out it was a sort of hobby of his. I was completely shocked and embarrassed When I told my colleagues (mostly men) what had happened, I had to stop them from rushing out and confronting the guy. If it had happened in a nightclub, then I daresay I would've taken it as a bit of flirting and a bit of fun. In a work environment it was completely uncalled for. Time and a place.

[Willow]

Egluntyne wrote:

Disagreeing with your point of view hardly constitutes a 'tirade of abuse', cluckingclucker.

 

Also, threads do meander a little, as does face to face conversation. That is no big deal. It has not veered madly off topic.

 

I don't see the weak female card being played here by any forum member, what I do see is women expecting men to realise that, as you say, this is the modern age, and that women are equals, and should be afforded the same respect and good manners as any man.

 

Just before the topic was closed for consideration I tried to post a longer reply to this effect but Egluntyne has put it wonderfully.

 

I didn't see any abuse of you, but we all disagreed with your point of view which might hint at something

 

I do find it surprising that you put in a point of view opposing the rest of the thread and when we politely explain why we disagree you complained of

a tirade of abuse

. I have no problem with you disagreeing with us, but we do not have to change our point of view just because you don't like it.

 

I find it frustrating that when women flag up concerns about someones inappropriate behaviour they are often told they are making too much of it but when they are attacked and there were warning signs that they ignored people wonder why they ignored the signs

 

I refused to get into a taxi once because of unpleasant and inappropriate comments (and no I am not going to repeat them, this is a family forum), it was an airport pickup so I ended up significantly out of pocket to get home as I wasn't going to get in a cab with a man that felt able to make such comments to a woman he didn't know and that he was in effect being employed by, but my complaint was ignored by the taxi company. When I read reports like this http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/mar/13/sex-attack-cab-driver-guilty I know I made the right call despite the expense. How many complaints were there about his inappopriate behaviour I wonder ?

 

An unexpected compliment makes my day but there is a huge and obvious difference between a compliment and a inappopriate crude comment and I hope if your wife/daughters are ever on the receiving end of the latter you will be more understanding.

 

Edited to add Of course I know not all men making inappopriate comments end up assaulting someone

[BERTIE MCSQUIRTY]

OH dear! what has this turned into?

 

lets just clarify this.......the comments made were lewd & sexual i believe, (and i cant find anyone else who disagrees)

i wouldn't repeat them on a family forum!! i found it embarrassing! and they certainly were not of the "complimentary" intent! - the words used were disgusting, I wouldn't want anyone else to experience this regardless of age, sex or dress.

 

i know nothing about the chap - he may have learning disabilities (as i concluded through the manager's description of the interview) or he may be (not that i know) a registered sex offender!, which would throw a new light on the debate, there maybe a number of other reasons of course as to why he said what he said to me. but at the end of the day he said something to me which made my skin crawl and had i been alone with him in a room, i would have been very fearful as well as shocked and embarrassed.

 

the issue has been dealt with to my satisfaction at this stage and i hope that this debate ends now

Edited July 2, 2010 by Guest