Jem Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Had enough yet No? Oh, go on then here's another one... A man walks into a pet shop and asks the assistant if he could buy a wasp, the assistant says "sorry we dont sell wasps" and the man replies "you've got one in the window!" Cheers Jem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieP Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 pleeeeeaaaaase, no more! no more! I'll do anything........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 That was slightly better than the last one Jem!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 One more perhaps... This bloke goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs. He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle." "OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?" "A fottle." "A fottle? That's a stupid name. Can you think of something else?" "I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton." "And what do you call that?" asks the clerk. "A farton." "That's rude. You can't possibly call it that." "In that case," says the bloke, "You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket." Cheers Jem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popcorn Posted September 7, 2005 Author Share Posted September 7, 2005 I liked the Pancake joke - just up my street that Jem! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 How about some one liners A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." Jem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:"A pint of beer please, and one for the road." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 How about an intelectual one? Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Last one for tonight - honest! My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant. Cheers Jem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diana1 Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Why did the chewing-gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken's foot. Thanks for all your jokes I've enjoyed the last 20 minutes. I can never remember a joke apart from the one above as we get it every day from our 4 year old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 At least I can go to bed laughing now - thanks all (from the person who never remembers a joke! ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popcorn Posted September 8, 2005 Author Share Posted September 8, 2005 What a fantastic thread! We can look back on this in years to come and remember the jokes from the good old days! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 For all you joke lovers. The first one for today is... Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant. I'm starting to run out now, however, there are a few more to come later. Watch this space Cheers Jem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 I like that one!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jem Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Hi Kate Glad you liked that, just two more one liners then before I go to work... I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. Enjoy your day. Cheers Jem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Thanks Jem! I'm off with a smile on my face now! By the way, what do you call a 3 legged donkey? A wonky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Almost forgot this one.... What's black and goes round shouting "knickers"? Crude oil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Heres a couple for you but not one liners Gonna be a bear In this life I'm a woman. In my next life I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for 6 months. I could deal with that. Before yoy hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too. When you're a girl bear you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line you swat them too. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup, gonna be a bear The Gender of Computers Why computers should be considered masculine: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have alot of data but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you slove your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that f you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model. Just to prove I am not being sexist Why computers should be considered feminine 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in the long term memory for later retrieval 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicola H Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Very good Louise I like those I definitely want to be a bear........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Thanks to all of you - keep them coming - I need cheering up today! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Just go back and look at my evening outfit - that should cheer you up. You can borrow it if you like ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
