Guest Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Excerpts from a Dog's Diary: 8:00 a.m. - Dog food! My favourite thing! 9:30 a.m. - A car ride! My favourite thing! 9:40 a.m. - A walk in the park! My favourite thing! 10:30 a.m. - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing! 12:00 p.m. - Lunch! My favourite thing! 1:00 p.m. - Played in the yard! My favourite thing! 3:00 p.m. - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing! 5:00 p.m. - Milk bones! My favourite thing! 7:00 p.m. - Got to play ball! My favourite thing! 8:00 p.m. - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing! 11:00 p.m. - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing! Excerpts from a Cat's Diary: Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what that means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Fab Shona! Will def pass that on.....! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popcorn Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 That's my Molly all over. I'm sure she tries to get me at the top of the stairs too, particulary first thing in the morning, when I'm not quite awake and am carrying Stefan. We have to shut her in the kitchen at night, as she was bringing us little 'presents' into bed for us. Mice, spiders, etc.....*shudder*...and she never clears her bowl either. Fussy devil. Little did I realise. Well if she thinks she eating at the table with us.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 and she never clears her bowl either. Fussy devil. Tigger is the total opposite Gina! He clears his bowl (he's such a gannet, I don't even need to crush up his tablets - he swallows them whole ), then prowls the house, pushing poor Hartley out of the way, so he can finish her food as well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Very good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 I love this - first saw it a year or so ago & it has been saved on my computer since. It always cheers me up when I feel down Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 Very funny, must send this to OH as he worships the cat whereas i think he's the devil in disguise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernBird Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 I got this e-mailed to me at work a few weeks ago and I just sat in my chair giggling away, especially the part about presents. We're lucky that we don't get mice or birds, but Moo loves to bring in caterpillars and grass hoppers. The caterpillars are fine as they just lay there but I'm sure she thinks it's a game watching us chase the grass hoppers around the front room once she's dropped them at our feet. Also we have to keep her in whe we set them free otherwise she brings them straight back in again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, heeeeeeeeeeeeeee Love it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenlass Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 Hilarious!! and so very true of cats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PurpleHen Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 I just love this - it makes me laugh out loud every time I read it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...