Chicken bald back

[CatieB]

I know nothing about video games but I know Patsy does and Im sure other parents can also help.

 

My son is obsessed with his ps4, he is about to turn 12, if I didn't make him turn it off he'd probably be on it permanently. When he got it I said he couldn't have 18 rated games yet he has nagged and nagged. Somehow one 18 game - Watchdogs - has been obtained, I think with his dads approval and I admit I haven't been too involved or opinionated about that. When the latest Call of Duty was due for release my son went on about it but I looked into reviews and nicely declined, repeatedly. As you can imagine he went on and on about it but I stuck to my guns.

 

Anyway Ive been away and come back to find the game which my husband has bought him in the full knowledge of my view. I am not happy (understatement) with both the fact my husband has bought this and that my son has it. Is it that bad, should I take it away? Not sure you can advise what to do about my husband

[patsylabrador]

I see you use parents review sites. I like the one below to see if I would feel comfortable playing games before I buy them. I looked at the review for Watchdogs and didn't think it sounded good for a twelve year old. Some adult content, what do you think? I would have taken it away when my boys were that age.

I think Call of Duty might be a way to compromise. Although it is violent it is in the context of war and I don't remember it being seedy. Maybe your boy will do a swap? It's quite tactical and I wasn't very good, I did a lot of running away.

 

 

 

 

http://www.thesource4parents.com/videogamereviews/reviews.aspx

[CatieB]

Thanks Jude, that's a really helpful website I have kept the link.

 

The trouble is I have taken my eye off the ball. I definitely never saw the Watchdogs reviews and I feel like I've been conned. My son has had that game for a good few months now and every time I ask I've been told that I agreed it. Clearly having read the reviews I never did and I most definitely vetoed COD. It's hard to know what to do now given that Watchdogs has been here for so long and hubby has gone behind my back. I am not happy about this at all and I look like the villain.

 

To make matters worse my son wants a TV for his birthday in August so that he can have his PS4 in his room. It goes against everything I know but again makes me look like the bad mean parent.

[Grandmashazzie]

Catie B I wouldn't worry about being the bad parent. You need to be a parent ( not like husband who wants to be his best friend ). This is the start of saying no and compromise. I personally never allow TV s in bedrooms as you can't police what is watched or used on it. That will just become a battle ground ie when it's on, for how long etc. I would try to agree with husband and son times games are used and take away the privilege for misbehaviour. I may sound hard but it becomes a running battle and then easiest thing is to give in. I have similar issue with 15 yr old and phone and social media. She is to hand phone to me at 9 and usually I have to go get it at 9.10, then I have to find all iPads otherwise she would be on it until midnight. Now school holidays, if we aren't out she has it from 2 ish. I find it very very frustrating and I imagine someone gaming is just the same. As I said the kids may not like it but we are not here to be their best friend but to guide and help them until they are mature enough to make own decisions. There is also some research linking these very violent games to negative behaviour.

[bluekarin]

The major thing that is jumping out at me, is the fact you are both not on the same parenting wavelength. You dh should have said to your son that he would need to speak to you about it. You could have then discussed it, and no matter what the result, there is no good or bad guy. Easier said than done, I know, and living with a game obsessed dh I have had the same battle. We both agreed, though, that when he was in year 6, he was far too young to be playing GTA at his friends house (I still cant believe that friend was allowed to play it.....actually, no I'm not as he was allowed to do whatever he wanted).

I never wanted tvs in my kids rooms, but they do have computers in them, which I wasn't happy about. Still, they came in useful for homework and revision for exams, plus their friends live a train/ bus ride away so they chat and play games together in the evenings online.

[chickencam]

This mismatch in views between parents is always a thorny issue. My DH & I have very different views and unfortunately he is a forceful character and we have ended up with TVs in bedrooms and unlimited access to computers and social media both of which I was against. My son got an X Box when he was about 12 and we did jointly police his games. One of his sisters then told us that he had an 18 game and we spoke to him about it. He had bought it from a school friend but had felt to guilty to actually play it and was mortified when we confronted him, and non to happy with his sister! We took a very inclusive view with him after that and looked at the games together and decided what we were all happy with.

As for the social media thing, he met his American girlfriend through YouTube channels and they have been together for 4years now. It helped too shy socially awkward individuals find each other, I know that not all such meetings are positive but I feel it has helped him to reach out to like minded people which can be hard to find in the dog eat dog world of school for some children.

Good luck with finding your balance, I think we have balanced the wins and losses by keeping the communication channels as open as possible.

[kopperdrake]

This is a tough one, but we're pretty strict when it comes to this sort of thing. My son is 13 and I won't let him watch 15 films or play games over his age rating, unless I really do know the film/game. It doesn't help that he's immature for his age too, so he does struggle to comprehend some things above his age anyway. I know he probably watches/plays stuff at friends' houses that he knows we wouldn't let him watch or play at home, but to me it's the rules that are important in certain situations. For example, every teen knows how to swear, but they need to know that swearing in certain company is not acceptable - we call it 'onion skinning'. You can peel a layer or two off yourself when in certain company, and let your guard down, but it's best to know the boundaries that dictate when you should leave all the layers intact - like strangers, older generation, grandparents etc. The fact my son knows we disprove of him playing or watching older stuff hopefully means he knows that there is a line there and that he has crossed over it, and as parents we're not pleased with it. It's the hardest part of parenting I think, to be a parent first, and a friend second, but I've seen too many children bend their parents around their little fingers, and I never really see it as doing any good for either - often it causes resentment and lack of respect.

 

Besides, a bit of waiting never did anyone any harm