Home made run and house for sale

[Egluntyne]

That sounds a bit more encouraging ANH.

[Lesley]

Perhaps she just needs a bit of time to get used to the idea of both operations? I hope she does go ahead.

[Egluntyne]

Maybe a bit of pampering...a trip to the hairdressers, nice lunch out with you and her friend Anne....might give her a bit of a boost.

 

Just a thought.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Just spoke to mum who sounds very chirpy and has someone from Social Work coming this afternoon (I'll be sticking around for that!)

 

I'm seeing the GP this afternoon so can update her before mum sees her next week and tells all kinds of fanciful stories!

 

Now, apparently, she's not had a good night's sleep for SEVEN years .

[freddie]

When I get old, i shall wear purple,..... and spit.......

Naah, I shall try to be the granny everyone wants, secretly!!

(Hang on, I AM old.....)

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I already wear purple . Does that make me old .

 

(My mum likes that poem ).

[Guest]

i love that poem by Jenny Jospeh is it? Makes me smile

 

hope she doesn't change her mind again!

 

loads of hugs and good wishes coming your way

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Guest]

here you go, very funny poem

 

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/warning/

[Tessa the Duchess]

Fab poem Poet Something for us all to aspire to. I don't wear purple or spit, I do spend my pension on Chardonnay

 

Tessa

[Tessa the Duchess]

Now, apparently, she's not had a good night's sleep for SEVEN years .

 

Blimey, I bet you can't decide between laughing at her, slapping her or just giving her a hug. She's one of life's difficult people

that's for sure

 

Tessa

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Saw Dad's consultant today. He's ready to move to the nursing home . Immediately . Only obstacle is, we have to wait for a social work assessment to be eligible for personal and nursing care costs (non-means tested in Scotland). This amounts to over £200 a week so is a considerable amount. This could take a few weeks. Alternatively, we could put him in the nursing home, arrange the social work assessment (which would also take a few weeks ) and hope they backdate the payments. I really think he'd be happier in the nursing home with his own things around him and stuff going on.

 

Saw Mum today. Happy as Larry and enjoying her freedom. Being nice to me ( ) and saying she really wants to be independent of us. Tried to persuade her that I really don't mind helping her out. We'll see how it goes.

 

Saw GP too. She's, with luck, going to get the pacemaker op within a couple of weeks. The "social worker" she was seeing today is actually a psychiatric nurse, following up from the hospital.

[Egluntyne]

All encouraging news ANH.

 

[Olly]

Glad the psychiatric hospital are following things up - fingers crossed that if she has the op, she will be a bit more stable. It's not going to change her personality of course, but perhaps she won't be quite so awkward.

 

Good news about your Dad, can you afford to take the risk of the payments not being backdated though? I don't know how it works up there but it could be quite a few weeks.

 

I do hope this is the start of a somewhat calmer period for you, you really have had a hard time over the past few weeks haven't you. Fingers crossed that this is the beginning of a more settled state of affairs.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

It is a bit of a risk but the consultant said that they do usually backdate payment. You can use the argument that the patient was ready for the nursing home and no longer required a hospital bed but that Social Work were the ones potentially causing a delay (or something ). He also said that if a patient really doesn't need to be in hospital, they may be able to fast-track the assessment. I'll try to call the hospital Social Worker tomorrow.

 

Having spoken to the nursing home tonight (they have 2 rooms available), they advised that the SW assessment should be done before the move . I'm getting more info tomorrow.

 

I now have the tricky task of breaking the news to Dad . I don't think he'll really comprehend what's happening but I think I'll say that he doesn't need hospital care but isn't ready to go home so has to go somewhere else first. Is that fair? I don't really want to say outright "you can't go home" .

 

Let's hope Mum doesn't come in, all guns blazing, "he's MY husband" etc, etc . I need to pick my moment to let her know about this new information (and the Power of Attorney, which is another story).

[freddie]

I know , in Uk that there is a very unadvertized fund for picking up the bill for the first 12 weeks of nursing home fees. Ask at Social services. they Dont tell anyone it's available in uk, I only know through bitter experience.

Re power of attorney, you may need to go for legal guardianship, but that depends on yr mother!!!

Good luck

[Fur 'n' Feathers]

Not sure what the rules are in Scotland ANH but in England if a patient is blocking a bed ('scuse the term) because they are waiting to be placed in care by Social Services, then Social Services can be charged a financial penalty if they drag their feet in organising it.

 

If this is so in Scotland perhaps the best option would be to leave Social Services to organise it as:1. you won't be paying out in the short term and 2 they may have an incentive to speed things up.

 

Hope this is helpful.

[Olly]

I think what you suggest re telling your dad is absolutely the right thing to do, ANH. Although he is so much better, it doesn't sound as if he is fully taking in what is happening, and why worry him needlessly. Let him settle in there and find out how comfortable he is and how well-looked after, and then you can broach the topic of 'perhaps it would be best if you stayed here a bit longer'. Telling him now will only give him something to worry about.

 

I really hope it works out, the nursing home my dad was in was lovely, and it was such a relief to know he was being well cared for after some fairly horrendous experiences in an NHS 'rehabilitation' home.

 

We also got the 'first twelve weeks free', but as you say Freddie, I don't know if it applies in Scotland.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I'll update the nursing home situation later but there's been another development.

 

Saw Dad today - his right leg was really swollen. The staff nurse said it was probably an oedema (?) and it should disappear if his leg's elevated for a day or two. Mum was with me and was on fairly good form. Even spoke to the staff nurse courteously .

 

When I got home, I got a call from the same staff nurse. The consultant has now seen him and thinks it may be a blood clot. He can't be given anti-coagulants because of his previous surgery but they may insert a "doppler" which I gather doesn't treat the clot but prevents it travelling, which I know can be dangerous . They will assess him on Monday and decide what to do. He may be too frail for anything to be done.

 

I've been told to put the nursing home on hold for the present.

 

I told mum but didn't mention the word "blood clot", just that they want to "investigate further".

 

We have a room "reserved" for a week at the nursing home and told Dad (before we knew about the oedema/clot). He seems to have accepted it but thinks it's the next stage before going home. They are coming to assess him next week (if he's OK).

 

Thanks for all the advice BTW. I've asked about the 12 weeks payment - that's only paid if a house is waiting to be sold to fund payment . The "bed blocking" penalty doesn't seem to happen in Scotland either.

 

Onto Mum, she is happy to be home and seems OK but keeps telling me things which don't sound likely:

 

- that the African surgeon is the "only doctor in Edinburgh (later "in Scotland") who does pacemakers" . Yeah right .

 

- that a chap from Social Work (he sorts out finances according to her) who visited her yesterday is sorting out a reduction in the nursing home fees because of essential maintenance that needs to be carried out in the house (new central heating system).

 

I managed to speak to the guy - he's a Psychiatric Community Nurse . He responded to a question from her about finances but never told her anything of the sort. And he confirmed what I thought, that there are loads of surgeons who do pacemakers .

 

She's also insisting that my brother, her and the solicitor have Power of Attorney for Dad. My brother isn't aware of that - we both signed a P of A in 2001 ("in the event of incapacity") but she insists something else was drawn up 3 or 4 years ago - leaving me out . I wonder if that coincided with me finding my birth mother . I even asked if that was the way she still wanted it - "yes " (ie why wouldn't it be?). No explanation as to why I've been excluded.

[WitchHazel]

Oh ANH, this sounds so frustrating: two steps forwrd one step back. Or the other way round!

 

At least it means there is time for Social Services to come and assess your Dad, and Iguess he's in the right place if it's a clot or DVT.

 

It's odd that your brother doesn't remember signing another PoA. I wonder whether he's forgotten, or whether your mum is confused.

 

i know it's not fashionable to say so, but have a large glasss of wine and try to unwind a bit.

[jackiepoppies]

Never mind not fashionable have 2 glasses [large] of wine! I think my my adoptive mother might have been a bit like yours from what I've read. When she died she left everything to my brother [natural son]!

Hope your dad is doing alright.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

When she died she left everything to my brother [natural son]

. Did your brother do anything about that? I must admit the thought crossed my mind - has the will been changed too . My brother is adopted as well so I hope we'll be treated the same.

 

Dad was much the same today, but thanks for the good wishes.

[hilda-and-evadne]

Thanks for all your good wishes but they haven't been required - mum discharged herself from the Infirmary this morning before having the op. ...

 

I'm reading this thread backwards and am a bit horrified by what you are going through.

 

I've made an appointment to see her GP on Thursday and will phone the hospital social worker and the consultant tomorrow. I don't know what follow up care should be in place or who is responsible for her care now. Presumably the GP as she's been discharged. .... Now we're back at square one.

 

Your GP will be tearing his hair out.

 

For what it is worth, there is something called a "surgeon's decision". I know this only because three years ago my elderly mother withdrew her consent to an operation to fix her broken hip - at the very door of the operating theatre. I gather that this doesn't happen very often - the hospital nurse who rang to tell me was almost gibbering with shock and disbelief. Two days later, my mother had the operation anyway - without her consent - after a "surgeon's decision". My brothers and I could see why: her hip was broken and if it wasn't pinned together the fractured ends would have become "sticky" and fused together any old how and she would become crippled.

 

For unrelated reasons, she had to go into a nursing home straight from hospital, two months later, but that wasn't known at the time.

 

ANH, could I suggest that you need to be more self-protective and insist that your mother is allocated some professional social nursing. The State is content to allow the families to "pick up" after a difficult relative but often it is all down to one member of the family who realises later that s/he has had effectively to put her/his life "on hold" for a year or more.

 

Does your mother have early dementia - it sounds like it - sorry if you have already said this and I missed it.

[hilda-and-evadne]

I managed to speak to the guy - he's a Psychiatric Community Nurse . He responded to a question from her about finances but never told her anything of the sort. ... She's also insisting that my brother, her and the solicitor have Power of Attorney for Dad. My brother isn't aware of that - we both signed a P of A in 2001 ("in the event of incapacity") but she insists something else was drawn up 3 or 4 years ago - leaving me out . I wonder if that coincided with me finding my birth mother . I even asked if that was the way she still wanted it - "yes " (ie why wouldn't it be?). No explanation as to why I've been excluded.

 

I suppose that this could be a sign of dementia. However, my mother used to talk like that - before a series of strokes robbed her of the power of speech altogether - and it's because she is schizophrenic (first diagnosed 40 years ago). I guess that schizophrenia has een ruled out in your mother's case?

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks Rachel. Sorry to hear about the troubles you had with your mum. Is she still in a nursing home?

 

Unfortunately, it's up to mum if she has the pacemaker fitted or not (I don't know if this has anything to do with the Living Will she signed a few years ago ). Each day, she changes her mind so we'll just have to wait and see. She discharged herself from hospital a year or so ago, after a suspected pulmonary embolism (we'll never know if it was ) so, if their records include past admittances, the hospital should know about that too.

 

I have spoken to the GP and also the Community Psychiatric Nurse (behind her back ). The trouble is, Mum is very intelligent and articulate and people think everything's fine and she's coping well. The CPN was very surprised by what I told him she'd been saying but very grateful too. He hadn't even seen her notes from the psychiatric hospital yet so he'd NO idea what she's been like .

 

It's hard to know if she has dementia or not as she has a very difficult and unpredictable personality. Her short term memory certainly isn't what it was. I think I'm just going to have to let her get on with it until something else happens and the health professionals have to step in. She's still talking about "ending it" but more in the way she used to so I'm not immediately concerned. (I'm certainly not going to say "go ahead then" this time ).

 

Just seen your 2nd post - I don't even know what her diagnosis is (does "difficult old bag" count? ) but I'm sure they wouldn't have let her out untreated if she had schizophrenia, would they?

[hilda-and-evadne]

She was very woozy and paranoid ("they get them, they take, they kill them" - "who?" - "evil doctors" ). ...

 

This, and her other comment about the doctors "experimenting" on your father does sound frankly delusional. Thing is, there is medication that will "damp down" delusional thought patterns, if the GP thinks it appropriate; and these would bring her some relief from these terrifying thoughts. (These drugs were no use to my mother, as she refused to take medication of any kind. When my brothers and I cleared her flat, we found a DRAWERFUL of drugs prescribed to her by her GP for her dangerously high blood-pressure, cholesterol levels, etc, still in their packets.)