Home made run and house for sale

[Ain't Nobody Here]

we found a DRAWERFUL of drugs prescribed to her by her GP for her dangerously high blood-pressure, cholesterol levels, etc, still in their packets.)

That's exactly what mum takes, plus some others.

 

She told us she'd ground a lot of pills up (for future use ) but my brother found them a month or so ago and flushed them. She was a bit cross, but I don't know if she really intended to use them or not . She's a real drama queen and most of her threats and complaints are pure attention seeking.

[hilda-and-evadne]

Thanks Rachel. Sorry to hear about the troubles you had with your mum. Is she still in a nursing home?

 

Yes, because - as a result of further small strokes - she cannot do anything for herself. She is in a brilliant, private nursing home, paid for with the proceeds of the sale of her flat.

 

Just seen your 2nd post - I don't even know what her diagnosis is (does "difficult old bag" count? ) but I'm sure they wouldn't have let her out untreated if she had schizophrenia, would they?

 

Yes, they would. Believe it or not, the sufferer has to really "out of it" before doctors will section him/her. As one who "picked up after" a paranoid schizophrenic since I was 15, it does look as if your mother might have developed schizophrenia or something like it. It is important to know whether or not this is the case - you can ask the doctors directly - because it may mean that she is not safe living at home. My mother's flat was was in luxury warden-assisted accommodation, and she nearly burned down the entire building when she put some liver to cook under the grill and went to bed. She didn't smell the smoke.

 

My mother put us, her children, through hell; and I have to say that it is lovely, her being in a nursing home now and unable to do and say all the things that used to terrify us and turn our lives upside down. I used to have to "talk her down" through episodes of florid psychoses. She used to run away without telling anyone. Once, having reported her as a Missing Person, we agreed to the police going public the next day - with all the shame that that would bring us - and that evening she turned up, wild-eyed, on my brother's doorstep, having abandoned her attempt to run away to the Far East. On another occasion, she crossed the country to make an unannounced visit to an elderly cousin (she had decided that she was going to marry him, now that his wife had died). That Sunday evening, I had a call from the cousin saying that she wouldn't leave and was asleep on the sofa and incontinent. It was past midnight, and several telephone calls later - one of them a very angry exchange with the local locum GP - that she was put in a taxi paid for by the Social Services and driven back home (she got home at 4.00am).

[hilda-and-evadne]

The trouble is, Mum is very intelligent and articulate and people think everything's fine and she's coping well.

 

So is my mother - well, she was. She went to Cambridge University on a scholarship, at a time when few women went to university at all.

 

I am only speaking from my own experience but there are lots of high-functioning schizophrenics, able to be very credible and to "behave normally" for short periods (just long enough to persuade a consultant, say).

 

You need to think about yourself, please.

 

On edit: and the "drama queen" and "attention seeking" is also typical of schizophrenia. Schizophrenics are profoundly and unrelentingly selfish. That doesn't make them "bad" - it is just part of the illness. Unfortunately, it is very destructive.

[jackiepoppies]

Hi ANH...no.. my brother did nothing and I haven't heard from him since the funeral! But hey....life goes on and I've 4 gorgeous grandkids. Difficult to do but I always try to look to a good future and not bemoan the past. Keep your chin up....it helps the wine go down! Sorry if this sounds a bit frivolous [sp] but it helps me at times.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

She went to Cambridge University on a scholarship, at a time when few women went to university at all.

Mine went to University in the early '40s - then proceeded to travel to Switzerland by herself to work, then went out to the Far East. She also completed another full degree through the Open University while I was a child.

 

Hi ANH...no.. my brother did nothing and I haven't heard from him since the funeral!

Your attitude does you credit - I don't know how your "brother" can live with himself .

[Fur 'n' Feathers]

On edit: and the "drama queen" and "attention seeking" is also typical of schizophrenia. Schizophrenics are profoundly and unrelentingly selfish. That doesn't make them "bad" - it is just part of the illness. Unfortunately, it is very destructive.

 

H&E It's clear that you have also had a difficult time with your mother's mental illness, but it does need to be pointed out that the symptoms you've been identifying as related to Schizophrenia and Dementia are not exclusive to those particular conditions. In fact "drama queen" and "attention-seeking" behaviour is not a typical indicator of schizophenia, so some care needs to be taken. It really is for the psychiatric team to diagnose the condition.

 

No offense meant, but it is just a little disturbing the direction this seems to be taking. Hope you understand.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

F&F, thanks for your comments. I'm fairly confident that mum doesn't have a mental illness (as much as I can be, being a lay person ). I think she's perhaps suffered from depression for a long time without being diagnosed. She was prescribed anti-depressants not too long ago but I'm not sure if she's still on them.

 

I'm glad she's being assessed by the CPN but hope she never has to go back to the psychiatric hospital - that really would push her over the edge.

[hilda-and-evadne]

It's clear that you have also had a difficult time with your mother's mental illness, but it does need to be pointed out that the symptoms you've been identifying as related to Schizophrenia and Dementia are not exclusive to those particular conditions. In fact "drama queen" and "attention-seeking" behaviour is not a typical indicator of schizophenia, so some care needs to be taken. It really is for the psychiatric team to diagnose the condition.

 

No offense meant, but it is just a little disturbing the direction this seems to be taking. Hope you understand.

 

If you read back on this thread, I am not the first person to have suggested that ANH's mum might be developing a psychotic disorder. ANH has said that one of the psychiatric team has already brought it up.

 

I know that being a "drama queen" and "attention seeking" is not the ONLY indicator of schizophrenia (it IS typical). I didn't want to dominate this thread, so I didn't quote also from another of ANH's posts which lists a lot of things her mother has said which seem to strengthen the likelihood of there being a psychotic disorder.

 

Perhaps I didn't make this clear enough but I wanted to say that, if schizophrenia is diagnosed (and it takes more than six months to complete that assessment), then the "care path" for her mum is entirely different from what it would be if she is just reacting to the stress of the changes in her life. It would be really tragic if an inappropriate care path were put in place just because no one had even started the assessment.

 

Sorry to have disturbed you.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

What sometimes worries me (and did especially while she was being assessed in hospital) is that no-one else sees her "real" behaviour except me (and occasionally my brother) although there were a couple of instances witnessed by staff at my dad's hospital so that was a relief in a way. It's very hard to relay every single thing she says to someone else, ie a doctor. I suppose this "blog" could be quite useful as I have been keeping a record of her behaviour, albeit over a very stressful period of her life. She's always been like this, but usually she has "normal" periods then an occasional flareup.

[Fur 'n' Feathers]

F&F, thanks for your comments. I'm fairly confident that mum doesn't have a mental illness (as much as I can be, being a lay person ). I think she's perhaps suffered from depression for a long time without being diagnosed. She was prescribed anti-depressants not too long ago but I'm not sure if she's still on them.

 

I'm glad she's being assessed by the CPN but hope she never has to go back to the psychiatric hospital - that really would push her over the edge.

 

Glad to be of help ANH. What you mention is a possibility. What's surprising is that the CPN would normally have info from the hospital team as part of the referral to community, including a possible "differential diagnosis". NHS Trusts are now going over to various forms of electronic records and in many it is possible to read the documentation from the ward on an intranet-linked PC at the community base. Have a chat with the CPN.

[Egluntyne]

What's surprising is that the CPN would normally have info from the hospital team as part of the referral to community, including a possible "differential diagnosis".

 

Is there anything that makes you think that the CPN hasn't received info from the hospital team ANH?

[Lesley]

Sorry you're having such a difficult time ANH.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Is there anything that makes you think that the CPN hasn't received info from the hospital team ANH?

He told me he hadn't yet received her file when I spoke to him a day or so ago. Can't say I'm surprised - the psychiatric hospital forgot to send mum's file with her when she was sent to the Infirmary (and she wasn't just being transferred, they were discharging her) . The cardiac department had to get the file couriered over (and were very cross).

 

They also forgot to give her the £37 they were keeping safe for her . I picked that up myself.

[Egluntyne]

Presumably he will chase it up/have a telephone conversation with someone efore assessing her.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Yes, I'm sure he will. He has seen her once already but hopefully by the next visit he'll have all the background info. The GP said there will be a few follow-up visits so that's reassuring.

[freddie]

I have (had),I gave up and ceased contact) a brother like that; he was "too busy" to come to the funeral directors with me the day after mum died, and I only heard from him when he thought it was time he saw some £ from her estate(of which there were 2 executors, him and me) Gues who did all the work, and who took 1/2 the £.....

I found at the end of it all that I really wouldn't have kept him as an aquaintance, so I took the step, and let him go. Sometimes blood is not enough to hold family together; he behaved appallingly whilst mum was hospitalised, and for that i cannot forgive him,

I's been over a yr, and I can honestly say life has been a lot simpler without his input!!

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Sorry to hear about that Freddie . You're right, you can't expect to get on with someone just because they're family. Sad but true.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Took mum to see dad today. I can't work out if she's depressed or just wallowing in self-pity .

• what's the point?
  nothing matters
  I don't know anything, I can't do anything about anything
  they shouldn't have dragged dad back, they should have let him die
  he'd be better dead than in that dump
  I wish the whole medical profession was dead

She also couldn't remember her own phone number and thinks she gave my number to someone but can't remember who.

 

This isn't unusual but I don't know what, if anything, I should do. From past experience, there's no point trying to cheer her up or focus on the positives, you just get withering looks, shrugs or "how would you know" kind of responses.

[jackiepoppies]

How is your dad?

[Ain't Nobody Here]

How is your dad?

Typical, isn't it . I focus on mum and forget about poor dad . Thanks for asking, Jackie and reminding me who really matters here!

 

He's been moved back to the ward as there is a chap who is very poorly who needed the single room. His leg is still very swollen but despite it needing elevation, he was just in a normal chair. I got the staff to get a footstool and a pillow and pull him up in the chair a bit (he tends to slump) so he looked a bit more comfy. As ever, he's fairly contented although he's saying slightly random things more often now.

 

Mum was a little ray of sunshine, needless to say .

[jackiepoppies]

Your is looking a little hysterical! Didn't you drink the wine?

On a little more serious note.....who ..if anyone... is there for you? I know everyone here is supporting you as much as we can, but have you got someone there who you can lean on? Just every so often the carers need caring for. Bet the trouble is everyone has always said ...'oh, so and so can cope..theyre strong! Not easy to live up to for ever!

[Olly]

I second what Jackie says ... hope you are looking after yourself. Also, picking up on a previous post, and I can't scroll back far enough to see who it was ... do make sure you're not taking on responsibility for anything that should really be done by social services/others.

 

Because of the various deficiencies in the hospital and care framework, it's so easy to step in and start doing things for infirm and elderly parents, from a natural desire to help. It's the hardest thing in the world, but sometimes you have to stand back in order for them to get what they are entitled to.

 

Hope your dad's leg improves, I don't know what to say about your mum! I just think you have to follow your own course, because you can't base your actions or what you say, on her likely response, which seems to be totally random. Sending you big hugs, and I recommend the wine prescription too.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks, both of you. I suppose I don't really have any support. My OH is lovely but long ago gave up on my mother. He has so often had to pick up the pieces when she's had a go at me he has little patience or sympathy for her. He does listen to me but I don't get any practical help.

 

My brother comes down every 3 weeks and stays 2 nights with my parents. Needless to say, he's the blue-eyed boy and knight in shining armour rolled into one . I get on very well with him luckily but hearing "oh, M's been great", or "M can do that when he comes down" makes me wonder why I bother doing anything .

 

I have very supportive friends and colleagues (and forum friends ) so emotional support isn't a problem. There's just no family or family friends who can share the load.

 

Now, please stop being so nice to me, you make me get all emotional .

[Tessa the Duchess]

I'm glad to hear you have support from friends ANH, and don't forget that gorgeous dog of yours. Dogs really seem to understand when their owners are sad and upset, and are usually great to cuddle and tell your troubles to.

 

I think you are doing an amazing job in the way you are coping with your mother, you have my utmost respect, I'm not sure I would be such a good daughter under the circumstances, she is a very lucky woman.

 

Tessa

[chickenlass]

I think you are doing an amazing job in the way you are coping with your mother, you have my utmost respect, I'm not sure I would be such a good daughter under the circumstances, she is a very lucky woman.

 

Tessa

Mine too.....I would have had to just walk away long ago I'm ashamed to say. You are clearly made of strong stuff.