rusky123 Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 OK I have put up with mine for nearly 40 years, when can I bite back?. She did not like my eldest dd's wedding, She hated mine to her son, we did not make her important enough both times.!. She told us she does not like our 2 eldest children.She does not like my plans for my youngest dd's wedding, wrong colour brides maids etc..What else can I do?. I loathe the woman, but have always showed her respect, despite the fact I am the wrong woman for her youngest son. His older bro has been married 4 times, but all his wives are all so very much better than me, suck up to her cos were all in their teens,and knew no better. His last wife was 13 when they got together, he is now nearly 60.Am I supposed to keep my mouth shut!!. I am about to do something out of character. She has favorite grandchildren, and tells the unfavoured 15 or so that!. All of her kids apart from my dh hate her, her only daughter feels sick at the sight of her and wil not go to any function she knows her mum will be at. She charges us £25 a month for babysitting her eldest sons kids because drinking chocolate costs so much, she pays more tax than we earn. I am ready to stop the bank charge. I really hate the woman. Sorry everyone, she just told me than unless my husband alone takes her to the wedding venue she is not going to show, even tho it is very inconvenient for us, she has her status in the family and warrents respect. I am so sorry, tried my best, have no respect for the woman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Oh dear. Happy families eh? I'd be inclined to ask her to remember that the day belongs to the bride and groom and it would help the day run smoothly if she could accept this. She charges you for babysitting someone elses children? How does that work? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 You're not allowed to bite back, its written in the unwritten contract unfortunately Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KimmyCustard Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Rusky Wow!! I know exactly what you mean! OH doesnt have any parents but my other two ex husbands did and they were just as bad as the person youre describing! First OH's mother: Continued to call me by his ex-girlfriends name, up until the week I left him. Wouldnt invite any of my family to 'her family' dos as she said they were not 'proper' family. Gave me a set of bathroom scales for Christmas one year as she said I needed to lose weight. Complained when she visited once and I asked her son to make her a drink cos I was doing the ironing. Really cross when I refused to give her a key to our house, knowing she would let herself in for a snoop when we were out. Said I spent to much (of my own money) on clothes. Second OH's mother: Cried at our wedding cos the buffet she had paid for wasnt being eaten (!). Would ring OH and get him over to her house to do odd jobs when she knew he was painting our new house. Told everyone I was on a diet when I refused pudding one day. Criticised my cooking/ housekeeping/gardening skills. Told him where to buy our house cos she didnt want him too far away. Had a discussion with OH and chose names for any children that we may have in the future! The lists go on. My advice? Tell her to go you know what herself and live your life. Your OH can have a relationship with her but you DONT have to. Shes a jealous old bag who enjoys making others feel miserable. You reap what you sow in this world and if she can behave like that to her family, then she doesnt deserve you or your children's love or respect. So there to her. Kimmy x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rusky123 Posted September 13, 2008 Author Share Posted September 13, 2008 She wants a payment into her bank account every month. I am really ready to stop it, but love my DH, and he respects his mother for some strange reason or other!. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KimmyCustard Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Rusky My 2 exes adored their mothers, which is why they were so controlling of their sons! Neither of them ever stood up to her, hence they thought they could both be horrid to me. (which they were, till I grew older and wiser). Why is it that you pay babysitting to your MIL for her babysitting services to her eldest son's children?! Confused?! Kimmy x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Rusky - what a nightmare! I'm glad I am not slow in not getting the babysitting payment situation and that others are as baffled. Kimmy - it sounds like you had a lucky couple of escapes it must feel awful to be married to someone with a giant blind spot, you would start asking yourself if you're being unreasonable and if its your problem when in fact the lady is just evil My late MIL was fantastic and an absolute saint luckily Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rusky123 Posted September 13, 2008 Author Share Posted September 13, 2008 LOL Kimi, I adore our son. but I would never dream of controlling hin or letting him know my point on his choice of wife!. I love his gf, loved the last one too, they were happy, what else matters?. D. Would never dream of running my fingers along their skirting boards or dining chairs and tut a lot as my MIL does to me. Have 2 son in laws, 1 daughter in law, they are all my friends, phone me, ask me to go out with them. Do not want MIL in my life, except that DH does love his Mum. MIL gets away with her £25 a week for drinking choc cos my DH loves everyone and is so special. I wish he would be more than a man when his Mum is concerned, she deserves no repect off anyone. Glad you met a nice MIL, sorry you lost her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KimmyCustard Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Rusky Maybe you should run your fingers along her skirting boards and see how she takes it?! Its like shes bullying you and I hate that. Families are difficult but "Ooops, word censored!"ody should make you feel as upset as you sound. I wouldnt be paying her for anything, but I might be wrong to think that. Kimmy x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cate in NZ Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 I'm sorry you have such a difficult MIL rusky, I don't know what to say, she does sound a little domineering. My own MIL is brilliant, in fact much of the time I think she's a saint, she puts up with so much and just keeps on smiling. Sadly much of the time I get on better with MIL than I do with my own mother I suppose at the end of the day we're all different, we all have different belief's and tolerances and whatever. Would be boring if we were all the same . Not sure that I could take all the nonsense that you've done without exploding though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WitchHazel Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 What does your husband have to say about all this? He should be the one to tell her to stop criticising you, and to modify her behaviour. If he isn't, then I;m afraid he is as much at the root of the problem as she is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 It is so difficult when a man won't stand up to a bullying mother I'm lucky in that Carl can see what is happening and quietly makes his feelings known. He would never have a stand up row with anyone but when it became clear that I was not to be accepted as a daughter in law then he played it his own way. Every time he was invited to a family do he replied "We'd love to come"........the invitations soon stopped! I took my MIL shopping....once - I wasn't prepared to put up with all the niggling comments - the ones you can't react to because they just turn it all around and say that wasn't how it was said - she lost out, not me. I hate shopping anyway, and she only has four sons. Things came to a head a few years ago over a shed she wanted putting up - three sons still live in the same town and Carl doesn't but it had to be Carl and it had to be a weekend. Carl just didn't have the time or the know-how - so I sent my son to do it and I pointedly went to visit another DIL who isn't accepted and who lives just down the road. I said then that I would never do anything to hurt Carl but I wasn't going to put myself out any more - and I haven't. We're mostly left alone now.............and I keep visits from MIL to a bare minimum. She seems very contrite now - too little, too late . I wish you the best of luck - it must be so hard having a husband who can see no wrong in this behaviour Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redfrock Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 mine said I looked like a harlot in my wedding dress because it was red..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 Sorry everyone, she just told me than unless my husband alone takes her to the wedding venue she is not going to show, please god, even tho it is very inconvenient for us, she has her status in the family and warrents respect. What a nightmare of a MIL . I'm amazed you've managed to bite your tongue this long - that shows huge strength of character on your part. And I think respect has to be earned - she hasn't earned any . I know those of us over a certain age "respect our elders" but I think she's lost that right. You need to pretend to respect her, but don't let her manipulate you. She's blackmailing you over this wedding. Surely your OH should be with you as it's yours and his daughter getting married? Why can't his older brother take his mother? Perhaps your OH could phone his brother and tell him he has to take his mother to the wedding. She's making a choice not to come to the wedding if your OH doesn't take her - I'd call her bluff, she obviously wants to be there, she just wants to be centre of attention. I hope you get this sorted out. Oh and stop those bank payments! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 I'd definitely stop the bank payments! Are her other children subbing her in this way too? I wonder if the tax man knows. Tell her you can no longer afford it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janty Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 My first M-I-L was a cow. She used to belittle everything that I did. When I had my son, she didn't like how he was dressed, she thought that he was spoilt, she didn't like the pram, she didn't like the fact that my parents bought so much for him (their only grandchild), etc. Thankfully it came out somehow that she was a bit of a girl when she was younger so one day when she had really pushed it too far I told her that at least I wasn't once the biggest w..re that had ever walked the streets of Liverpool and that I'd heard that she had done just that! She never gave me any hassle after that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janty Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 mine said I looked like a harlot in my wedding dress because it was red..... Red wedding dresses rule! My second wedding was all red. I loved it. Next one is either going to be black or purple...don't worry, I plan to marry the same hubby that I married in red. He's too lovely to let go and his Mum is wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddie Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 Actually, after 16 yrs of that sneaky, horrid cringemaking (get the picture??) abuse my MIL has been dishing out to me and my kids, I finally had enough and told her what I thought of her!! Quite liberating!! Have explained to OH that he must continue contact as its his mother, but me and the kids actually can live without it. Havent spoken with her since. Bliss. One sister in law got the same message at the same time(on a roll!!), whilst other sister in law , who is normally the most mild mannered lady, actually had a go at the pair of them too, on my behalf, unbeknown to me!!(before I had!!) Happy families????? that "you pick yr friends" saying is never truer.... (from the nasty old bag who doesnt care any more!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 This isn't the first time that a MIL thread has run.......and I don't imagine it will be the last. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperman Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 My outlaws are fantastic. thankfully although I have had a taste of the opposite in a previous episode. I used to live with a psycho whose mother was an old witch called Vera. I used to call her Intervera. I had a blazing row with her once and called her it to her face along with with some other choice words including but not limited to, 'evil', 'poisonous', 'twisted', 'bitter', 'old', 'pointless', 'dimwitted' and 'hag'. I think I may have used a few more colourful words too. She completely changed after that and acted like the sun shone from my behind, which of course it does I don't know whether see admired the fact that I dared to have a go at her or whether she was as mentally rearranged as her crazy daughter. Probably both Aren't families great. I could write a book about mine and it would not be nice reading. I won't go into it but I am sure that I am entitled to a refund. Kev. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 My MIL is great, if a little irritating at times. My own mother, well that's a different matter . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janty Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 I used to live with a psycho whose mother was an old witch called Vera. My word. My ex was a psycho and his mother was called Vera. Spooky! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 Did either of your psychos have a brother/sister ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperman Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 Did either of your psychos have a brother/sister ? My psycho was an only child I think Kev. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hilda-and-evadne Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 she just told me than unless my husband alone takes her to the wedding venue she is not going to show, even tho it is very inconvenient for us, she has her status in the family and warrents respect. I am so sorry, tried my best, have no respect for the woman Er, I know etiquette observance isn't what it was but doesn't the father (your husband, in this instance) still take daughter to the wedding venue? Your OH has to tell your MIL that she is not the bride this time and must not spoil his daughter's day. Grandma's "status" and "respect" doesn't come into it. It is grotesque of Grandma to try to usurp the bride's place. Or have I missed something. Yes, and I wonder if the taxman knows about the £25. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
