Chicken boarders

[Alis girls]

I know there are some primary school teachers on forum. My YS of 8 is in a class with a disruptive child. Hes been a problem since infants. The school has got CAMHS services in but I dont think hes improved. A lot of the kids have been affected. My son came out in tears the other day - he'd been given lines for being horrid to another child . he sobbed and sobbed and was so adamant he didnt do it I wrote a letter advising the teacher I really felt he was innocent of the crime and that he was inconsoable. Just to say I dont normally do this. However yesterday it appears he owned up to the crime. Another evening of tears. I told him I was impressed he had owned up but wished he hadnt lied to me and we had lots of cuddles. I am at my wits end. The teacher is a woman in her 40's with 2 teens and we know her well. But I think she is struggling with the class. Of course I feel a right wally for writing the letter but eh can live with that. Advice please - I love him so much and hate to see him hurting.

[kitchens]

Do you think the result of your son being horrible to the other child was the influence of the disruptive boy in his class? Bit of a tricky one really as they won't move your son or the disruptive boy.

 

You were obviously shocked that your son had lied to you but kids do that. Was it out of his character to do this? I only say this because my son is like Jeckyll and Hyde. One day he is Mr Perfect and one day he is Mr Not Perfect At All!! and on occasion he lies to me. Would you consider getting him to write a letter to his teacher admitting he has done wrong? It might be such a big deal to him that he is unlikely to do it again.

[Chucky Mama]

I had a situation once when my YS's teacher phoned to say that he was ill and needed to come home from school. I was shocked and worried as he is never ill. He was very very tearful and something didn't smell right. I packed him off to bed and went up to see him later. I squeezed out of him later that there had been an argument at school and that a girl friend had told him to walk away from it and he hadn't, she ended up somehow being pushed and hurt and he was so mortified, upset and ashamed that he had made himself physically ill. Whilst I felt for him, I felt that he had to face the music. I packing him back off to school where he apologised to the girl and explained what had happened to the teacher. Your son obviously knows that he did something wrong and his tears show that. I think the important thing is that he owned up. I think that you may need to leave the battle re the class and the disruptive child for another day when the dust has settled. Maybe try speaking to a parent governor about it.

[Alis girls]

Hes much better today thanks goodness. I was going to get the cats lifejackets he'd cried so much. he told me the teacher has thanked him for owning up and asked what his mum had said and he said I'd told him we learn from our mistakes.

One of his friends reckons if they do anything wrong they are told off, but if the disturbed child does anything they let it pass. It is a result of a disfunctional child hood - nothing else - poor parenting and our kids pay.

Thanks for your replys - it does help

[Chucky Mama]

It is a result of a disfunctional child hood - nothing else - poor parenting and our kids pay.

 

Unfortunately that's life and you are fortunate that there is only 1 in the class. Some schools have several damaged and distruptive children in a class. Children like ours who are fortunate enough to have stable loving home lives have to learn to accept and realise that some children are like they are because they have the most appauling home lives. It is frustrating when it stops other children learning I know but they are entitled to an education too and for some of them school is the only safe and stable place that they have in their lives. We had a child in our small primary school that sounds very similar. Instead of trying to help him the school went out of their way to get him out. He had to most awful home life and I understood how he was like he was. He now goes to a school elsewhere surrounded by other 'damaged' children

Edited March 19, 2010 by Guest

[theherd123]

It is a result of a disfunctional child hood - nothing else - poor parenting and our kids pay.

 

Unfortunately that's life and you are fortunate that there is only 1 in the class. Some schools have several damaged and distruptive children in a class. Children like ours who are fortunate enough to have stable loving home lives have to learn to accept and realise that some children are like they are because they have the most appauling home lives. It is frustrating when it stops other children learning I know but they are entitled to an education too and for some of them school is the only safe and stable place that they have in their lives.

 

 

Very true and very well put.

School is the lifeline for the majority of these young and vulnerable children.

[Janepie33]

I have worked as a Nursery Nurse in a reception class for the last 16 years and from my experience, children often behave differently at school and at home.

We can always tell the children who come from loving and supportive homes as this is reflected in their behaviour and their interaction with adults and their peers, but it is quite amazing to watch these lovely little people change their demeanour when they are tired at the end of the day and greeted by their parents!

 

As for the 'disruptive' children. Some of them have dreadful home lives, others may have special needs, but the children in the class are amazing, they seem to intuitively understand that sometimes different rules apply to different people (just like real life!) and they make allowances even though it might not seem fair.

 

I also have 2 teenagers and vividly remember being mortified to be called into class because my son had bitten another child - it was completely out of character and done in the heat of the moment - he hasn't done it since. But he and his friend did once pretend that they had hurt their legs. I had to bring them home. They had their lunch and confessed that they pretended, just to get out of PE. Needless to say, I took them straight back to school!

 

If CAMHS are involved, then it means that the issue is being addressed. If you can bear to do it, please give a thought to what that child and family might be going through and be thankful that you do not need the support of CAMHS yourself.

[Alis girls]

I have done the CAMHS with YS when he was a toddler - dad had pneumonia and was very ill and I had PND so I do know what its like. Yes we are lucky to have one in this class but its a domino effect and all the kids are affected. The mum isnt some one who is brainless she is a support police officer - a bright intelligent very nice lady - yrs ago I urged her to get help told her I'd been to CAMHS - she now doesnt speak to me. So there you are - yes I'm having a moan and yes what have I got to moan about - just my family life which is disrupted every day. I'm proud my lad owned up - I was a accomplished liar as a child - had to be my mum was a harradan at times - depressive and controlling. So I do know what I'm on about. thanks for your replies.

[BeckyBoo]

Can I also say in relation to a school going out of their way to get someone out, there was a lad in playgroup who went on to Georgias school and was VERY disruptive (later diagnosed as quite badly autistic) and he HAD to be expelled so he could get the place he needed. He's since gone from the "special" school to return to mainstream school and is doing OK. But it's hard, Georgia had several run ins with him and whilst she understood he had special needs it still upset her. But then he had a special need (sorry if that's not pc) - bad behaviour from bad parenting is different and there's nothing more guaranteed to make me act like a protective lioness than other kids affecting my children and making them upset.

 

BeckyBoo

[Cinnamon]

My eldest had an awful boy in her primary school, who was routinely vile to all the other children,beat up smaller ones & took their lunch money,punched my girl in the stomach just before she went on in the school play & so forth.

 

The school did their best,especially when he disrupted classes & the other children's learning,but were powerless against the mother who simply did not believe that her boy was behaving like this,& refused to take control or ownership of his behaviour.

 

I decided to treat it as a life lesson for my daughter, & tell her that yes,people like this do exist in the world & as you get older & meet more people,you will meet more awful ones

 

She was really mature about it,& it DID teach her a lesson,& certainly helped when she went to her much larger secondary school.

 

The boy went to a private school after being expelled from the secondary,& was last year expelled from there too for having drugs on him

Another lesson learnt....................

 

Hope things sort themselves out for you both.

[Guest]

I think its great your son has been strong enough to admit his error(we all make them)! He is very young and has definitely done the right thing now. Even though he has been upset about it all its part of growing up and imagine if he hadnt confessed, he would have been feeling so guilty. I admit to telling some right porkers in my childhood(most children do), nothing nasty I just thought I was cleverer than the adults & wouldnt be found out, boy did my mother make me apologise!

I think your son as most of his age just need to find the maturity and right way to say ,"guess what I was in the wrong..sorry".... end of!

 

As for the other child, we had a similar situation of a child disrupting the class(even running off out of junior school gates to a local shop across a busy road.the mother who was decent tried to blame the school..this boy was right pain, I was glad when he left).The school always got the blame.

 

Tell him to mix with the boys/girls he really likes as friends and not who is popular. Be hiimself and let the teachers sort it out. Perhaps complaining in writing if the disruptive child continues is for another day.

 

Dont beat yourself up over it! Many other worse things could happen..keep your communication channels open with him...ALWAYs!

 

have a good weekend

indie

[Chucky Mama]

I am not knocking you at all nochucksyet, please don't think that I am not sympathetic to your situation. 2 of the most disruptive children in our small primary school bar the one that I mentioned earlier were the children of respectable middle class parents (doctor, scientist etc ) - these children really had no excuse. They caused probably more trouble that the poor chap that had the awful home life. Strangely thes became school governors which is bizzare - I see their cars outside school whilst they are in governors meetings and wonder why if they have the spare time they don't go home and parent their children I agree that learning to live with it does teach our children a valuable life lesson and when they move on to larger secondary schools things do change. Your little chaps brave confession is an important lesson and he will have grown because of it.

[Alis girls]

Thanks i did feel a bit "got at" - i do feel for any kid who has difficulties whether it be austism or ADHD - as far as I know its not either of these. The elder brother is a bit naughty too but not as bad. it appears the boy had been making fun of a child who;d lost her great uncle. My son should've known better - sadly their noses dont grow when they fib. and I too told some porkers as a child and a teen so its in the genes Thanks everyone - I felt low this morning as YS was in a bad mood - but hes gone to a mates and will be doing a hike with cubs this evening in the rain!! So hopefully he will get rid of some neg energy.

[Chucky Mama]

Don't feel downhearted, you are doing a great job and he is no less a lovely boy for this glitch. He could have continued to swear his innocence and you would have never known the truth. He is a good person and you are a great mum so continue to love and trust each other. It is a tiny blip in the grand scheme of things - put it where it belongs which is behind you both

[Seagazer]

I'm sorry you feel so fed up by this, it can be hard when there are disruptive children in the class.

 

My YS had twin boys in his class and they were both very disruptive. I was in the class once when the teacher ended up carrying him out with the help of the boy's mother. He had refused to leave the class after school. Apparently both of them used to throw trays around the classroom, frequently hitting other children. I've seen the mother swearing in the face of the younger sister right outside school before. Both the boys were expelled after hitting the teacher

 

Luckily this didn't seem to affect my son although he did get fed up with the trouble it caused.

 

I think its always upsetting when our children act out of character for them or for how we feel we know them. I think we have to realise that sometimes our children will act in a way we don't like as long as we can talk to them about it and try to see why it happened. It doesn't mean that they will carry on it that way (hopefully).