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Louise

Scottish Maths Paper

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I am supposed to be working :oops: Couldn't resist this :lol:

 

Before I offend anyone my Father is from Glasgow, I live in the Borders and work in Edinburgh 8)

 

DRAFT HIGHER GRADE MODERN MATHEMATICS PAPER 2007

(HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL)

 

 

 

GLASGOW REGION

 

Name..........................................

 

Nickname......................................

 

Gangname....................................

 

1. Shuggie has bought half a kilo of cocaine for large. He wants

 

to make 300% on the deal and still pay Mad Malky his 10% protection

 

money. How much must he charge for a gram?

 

2. Wee Davie reckons he'll get £42.50 extra Marriage Allowance a week

 

if he ties the knot with Fat Alice. Even if he steals the ring, the wedding

 

will cost him £587. And he'll have to start buying two fish suppers at

 

£3.95 each every night instead of one. How long will it be before Davie

 

wishes he'd stayed single?

 

3. When Rangers play Celtic, their fans sing The Sash every 10 minutes

 

when they're winning and every 15 minutes when they're losing. How many

 

times did they sing it at last season's Cup Final?

 

4. Joey and Davie stole a 1999 green Toyota 1600GL with 35,000 on the

 

clock - and got a grand for it. How much more would they have got if it

 

had been metallic silver, done 29,000 miles and had low profile tyres?

 

5. Jake the Flake and Fingers got grassed up for dealing speed. The Flake

 

got 18 months but Fingers got 3 years. How many more previous

 

convictions did Fingers have?

 

EXTRA CREDIT: Who was Fingers' Brief?

 

 

 

EDINBURGH / BORDERS REGION

 

Name..........................................

 

Rugby Club..................................

 

Daddy's Company.........................

 

 

 

1. Gavin has a spare ticket for Julian Clary at The Festival Fringe. But

 

Hamish and Hector BOTH want to go with him. How long does he cry before

 

giving them the tickets?

 

2. Half of Peter's friends say that they went to school with Ewan

 

McGregor. Another third say they were Gordon Brown's flat mate at

 

University. A sixth say that their dad played rugby with Tony Blair's dad

 

and the rest say Sean Connery was their milkman. Only one is telling the

 

truth, so how many friends does Peter have?

 

3. Alasdair wants to be a lawyer, but is as thick as Edinburgh Castle. His

 

daddy is a Freemason and a QC. How long before Alasdair becomes the Lord

 

Advocate?

 

4. Tamsin's Personal Trainer charges £250 a week, but has sex with her

 

whenever she wants it. Jasmin's Life Coach charges £50 a week but has

 

refused all sexual advances. Which one of the women weighs 19 stone?

 

5. Princes Street is 2467 yards long. On average, there is someone

 

begging for money every 195 yards. You walk at 3.1 miles an hour. How long will

 

it take if you tell them all to F**k off and get a job ?.

 

 

 

HIGHLANDS REGION

 

Name..................................

 

Glen....................................

 

Clan ................................

 

 

 

1. After Archie Snr's death, Archie Jnr has to pay Death Duty on Glenbogle Estate. With

 

25,000 acres, Archie must pay £1.76 for the first 15,000 acres and 90p

 

per acre for the remainder, including VAT. How many people actually give a

 

toss?

 

2. An Afro-American called Zachary Obisanjo Kokobobo asks a Tartan Shop

 

in Inverness if he has any Scottish Geneaology. How long does it take to

 

flog him full Highland dress and matching kilts for his wife and 10 kids?

 

3. If an Aberdeen supporter laid every sheep in Grampian Region end to

 

end, how many people would be surprised?

 

 

 

4. If you caught a Loch Ness Monster 115 feet long and each foot weighed

 

27lbs, how much money would you make by selling your exclusive story and

 

pictures?

 

Sorry, question 5 has been delayed by heavy snowfall and will be here as

 

soon as the Cockbridge - Tomintoul road re-opens in the spring

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Just a spot of Banter between the Weejies and Edinburgers :lol:

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

"Mad Malky" makes me laugh, even if it's not in the surroundings of a joke. I used to do stocks in a pub in Glasgow, where the manager was known as 'Mad Malky MacDonald', despite the fact his real name was Colin MacDonald.... :lol:

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