Unsecure chicken perches

[Chucky Mama]

A woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy ~

 

Dear Tech Support,

 

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a

distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the

flower and jewellery applications, both of which operated flawlessly

under Boyfriend 5.0 .

 

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such

as

Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable

programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and SOCCER 4.1 .

 

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the

system.

 

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems,

but to no avail.

 

What can I do?

 

Signed,

_________________

 

Reply

 

Dear Madam,

 

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while

Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

 

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears

6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then

automatically run applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5 .

 

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0

to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1 .

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the

Snoring Loudly Beta.

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0

(it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of

all your system resources).

 

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0

program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 .

 

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited

memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and

performance.

We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.

 

Good Luck Madam!

[docsquid]

Just read this with DH - we both laughed!

[Tiggy]

brilliant

[Chickendoodle]

Afraid I had to uninstall husband 1.0 and upgrade to version 2.0. Seems to work much better

[Egluntyne]

With the occasional repair, No 1 ticks along reasonably satisfactorily here, although the default setting definitely does not include romantic.

[The Dogmother]

With the occasional repair, No 1 ticks along reasonably satisfactorily here, although the default setting definitely does not include romantic.

 

I can't imagine that either

I uninstalled husband 1.0 and found a free version of boyfriend 2.0 on the front of a magazine, it runs quite well on my old pooter and rarely gives any trouble. Default settings have been revised in this version and it runs romance, but the cooking add-on seems to have been missed out.

[chickric]

Just to balance things

 

 

INSTALLING WIFE 1.0

 

Subject: Wife 1.0

 

To: Technical Support:

 

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed

that the new program began unexpected child processing that

took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of

this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In

addition, Wife1.0 installs itself into all other programs and

launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other

system activity.

 

Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5

and Monday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system

whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the

background while attempting to run some of my other favorite

applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0,

but the un-install for Wife 1.0 does not work.

 

Can you help me, please!!!

 

Thanks,

 

Chris

 

Tech Support Writes Back

 

Dear Chris:

 

This is a very common problem male employees complain

about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many

people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that

Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT

program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and

designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you

would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to

Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would

cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

 

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files

from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend

7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried

to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more

problems than the original system.

 

Look in your help files under “Warnings-Alimony/Child

Support”. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with

the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also

suggest you read the entire section regarding General

Partnership Faults(GPFs). You must assume all

responsibility for faults and problems that might

occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be

to enter the DOS-command

 

C:\APOLOGIZE or click the I’M SORRY! Icon for Macintosh

systems. In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because

ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE/SORRY

command before the operating system will return to normal. The

system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all

the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high

maintenance.

 

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance

of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0.

DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short

Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is

likely to cause irreversible damage to YOUR hardware.

 

Best of luck.

 

Tech support

 

 

 

Although we don't seem to have much hope.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Love the first post but love yours even more, Chickric .

[C&T]

Love them both!!

[Chickvic]

Just to balance things ...

Although we don't seem to have much hope.

 

None at all dear

[Olly]

Brilliant, thanks! Perfect reading for a Friday night.

[sadietoo]

Read both with OH and chuckled...thanks for posting

[Lesley]

I've had three attempts at installing Husband v1 - the first two turned out to be faulty although the first package did produce two minor versions which are fully operational.

 

The third attempt has proved very satisfactory and the cooking add-on works a dream and operates most nights