migsy Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Have any of you ever had an au pair? I am a single mum of 3 boys and I have to run a business to keep a roof over our heads. I really struggle with keeping all the "balls in the air" and I have decided to get an au pair. She is Hungarian and coming in 2 weeks. I was wondering if anyone has any tips for a successful experience. I'm getting nervous now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Oh I wish................ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loumabel Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 My brother and his wife have had au pairs for about the last 7 years now and I would say that the best tip I can give you is to lay down your house rules straight away. Explain to them what you expect of them and what there duties will be to avoid any confusion and dissapointment on either side. My brother has had good au pairs and not so good au pairs but on the plus side his daughter has really liked them all and overall it has worked out well for all concerned. I am sure you will find it very helpful and hopefully it will take some of the stress from you. I hope this helps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Speaking from the experience of being an Au Pair in Austria - please, please make her feel part of the family. Give her a day off each week, allow her to bring a friend over for company when she baby sits in the evenings - once you have sussed them out of course. When you all go out as a family - ask if she'd like to come to, say for meals out. Allow her to have a glass of wine with you. I was bought a cheap bicycle for getting me about - I loved it! I was utterly spoilt. I got bought a tv with sky in my room - fab for learning the language. They also paid for me to go Salzburg University - to study German! The mum only worked 4 times a month, but could not cope with the 2 children. She was out a lot too. Will she have her own bathroom? As well as her wage. Make sure you leave her a bit of 'petty cash' for when she takes the children out, for the window cleaner, or for bits of shopping. Get her an English dictionary & a cookbook! Although it might seem like you are interfering - show her how to use your washing machine - foreign ones are often different. Show her how to separate the different washes & also how you like your stuff ironed & folded. Daft as it may seem all this, my ironing etc is fit for a palace these days - thanks to Mother Geretsegger! How to make beds too. I had to do sheets & hospital corners! She might think duvets are fabulous! I remember when I first arrived - the mother had made a lasagne. We had wine. I was given a present & had drawings off the children, flowers in my room & a few mozart ball chocolates on my pillow. Sweet! She had also made a Sacher Torte. Make sure you acknowledge her birthday etc. I was also allowed back home for holidays - which they paid for. Make her feel she can ask & tell you anything & treat her occassionally. Perhaps I had a fabulous family to work for?? It was hard work, almost 24/7 & in those days I really didn't get enough money, but loved it. I had my mum & dad send me ' care packages', as toiletries & clothing etc were sooooo expensive. I bike to Germany, over the border to buy most things - as they were cheaper. Used to have to show my passport, on my bicycle at the border check point! Good luck & if you need to ask any other questions feel free! Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
migsy Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks for the advice Emma and Loumabel. I suppose I don't know how to gage it with my instructions as I don't want to sound patronising. I think I will make an manual for her that she can refer to if necessary. I also thought that I could spend the first week showing her how to do everything as I work from home. I've had her room decorated and I have put a TV in it. I have also bought her a music stand as she is bringing her flute. I thought that flowers in the room would be a nice welcome too along with some toiletries. My kids are all at school and I will be sticking to the 25 hours a week help with 2 days off each week. The boys also spend a small amount of time at their father's house. I won't be able to pay for many extras and I suppose I am concerned that she is not coming to a wealthy household. She can't have her own bathroom as we only have one. I have a bike that she can use though. I am sure that if she wants extra work babysitting I'll be able to find it for her with my friends. I very much want her to be a part of the family and I will keep asking her how she is getting on so that any problems do not become big issues. It will be a whole new experience for us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 My friend has an au pair and treats her very much as Emma suggested. They get on extremely well (they have just taken the au pair on holiday to Majorca with them - not about how much you spend, but about making them feel part of the family). On the other hand, another close 'friend' didn't have such a positive experience, but in my eyes I felt that they didn't set clear ground rules to start with and didn't show the poor girl how they wanted things done so she never met their expectations and was thoroughly miserable. They went through 3 in a very short time and gave up after that. It sounds like you are already thinking along the right lines though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
migsy Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks Snowy! I've just looked at your blog and notice you have a lovely canvass tent. I have a Soulpad bell tent which I love. We took it away at the weekend. Yours looks fab with all the stuff in it! I like the look of your awning. Can you tell me where you got it please? Cheers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Hi Migsy - thank you, I love my canvas pyramid! Would love a bell tent, but I like the squared off opening on the pyramid. I made the awning myself! 3 metres of canvas, hemmed and eyelets attached (not very well as they keep falling off ) and a set of vango king poles. Really extends the usable space and dead easy to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarrensWorld Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Yes.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
migsy Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 I made the awning myself! 3 metres of canvas, hemmed and eyelets attached (not very well as they keep falling off ) and a set of vango king poles. Really extends the usable space and dead easy to do. How clever! I don't have a sewing machine and can't imagine hand sewing that much canvas. Awnings seem to be quite expensive but I have an eye on one at mycooltent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 When I say treat her occassionally - simple things like a pair of cheapo earrings from George, a nice bar of chocolate, just anything as an extra thank you token. I was very lucky, as the father was a doctor. I am still in touch with the girls which is lovely & we have been back there a few times. I used to enjoy going swimming in my free time - so let her know where the leisure centre is. If your neighbours have any daughters / sons, encourage them to get to know your Au Pair, so she has a few friends around her own age. That's a nice touch decorating her room! When she is good - tell her so! When she is not so good - also tell her - but gently. That way you'll get on fine! The first week, show her the local area, so she knows what is about. Point her in the direction of Primark! God I wish there had been one of those in Salzburg! I have some great memories of my time as an Au Pair! Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
migsy Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 That is great advice Emma, thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cate in NZ Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 It's a long time since we had au pairs, but we had a short series of au pairs when our children were little. Steffie from Austria, Janna from Czech Republic, Christina from Valencia & Thea from Denmark, all of whom were fabulous. Although Janna was really interested in maximum income (she was a hard worker though, my house has never been so clean as it was when she was living with us, she did housework for relaxation!!) & when she found out that there was more money in elderly care than child care she moved on quickly. I'm still in contact with Steffie & Thea 15 or so years on. Our horror story was with Indre from Lithuania.....we got cocky & thought we could do a private arrangement, she told us she was Danish, we didn't check sufficiently & ended up with an illegal immigrant who was work shy & didn't like children! She left very abruptly when she shacked up with a much older man locally. She was very attractive though, tall willowy, long blonde gorgeousness and I think she achieved what she wanted to. I think her hand was forced when she realised we were putting 2 & 2 together about her immigration status, & had reported her to a friend who is a senior immigration officer. I'd go with the suggestions about setting firm rules from the start, let them know what you expect, remembering that they quite possibly are used to doing things in a different way, but do treat them as members of the family and give them the opportunity to share bits of their culture & language with you. High points of our time with au pairs was coming home from work one day to 2 children & Steffie in a flour filled kitchen, all of them covered in flour & dough & mess, but so very proud of the apple strudel they'd made for tea, & another time Thea entertaining my children on a snow day building little igloos in the front garden. I drove home from work on a cold, dark, snowy evening to find the front garden filled with glowing, tea-light filled mini igloos. Even thinking about it now makes me smile. I have to say I always felt very strongly about giving them enough time off & the opportunity to study. I knew a lot of people who used au pairs, paid them the minimum wage & expected them to work all day whilst the parents were out at full time work, & I tended to feel that that veered on exploitation. My opinion though & I guess it worked well for some....Janna would certainly have liked me to have worked her harder (& paid her more!). I think though that when it works an au pair arrangement can be a fantastic experience for all concerned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
migsy Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 These replies are very reassuring, thanks. The au pair is checked out as I used an agency who interviews the au pairs on the phone and I have the police check, references etc. I don't think there is much chance of her being overworked as the boys are at school and go to a holiday club in the school holidays. I'll even take them to school as I like the contact with other parents but I will want her to collect them and look after them for a couple of hours until I finish work. I want her to get them ready for school though as I find the mornings very stressful trying to get them all out through the door and get myself ready as well. I just hope my kids behave for her! I really can't wait to have the kids' laundry done for me; the breakfast mess tidied up and the hoovering done! These things do my head in and take time out of my working day to sort out. Her pink music stand arrived today and I've ordered some new bed linen. I hope she likes floral prints! I'm going to paint the furniture in her room next weekend in a white Annie Sloan chalk paint. I don't know what her tastes will be but at least the room will be clean and fresh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Ha! Can I come & work for you? You sound fab! You are going to love the experience & try & pick up a bit of her language - you'll be in hysterics. I have fond memories of schmetterlings(butterflies) , bwurstlbaums ( roly polys), zwetchen datchi (plum cake) & hepticollars ( helicoptors ). All fun words,not sure of true spellings there, some hard for me to say & the helicoptor, hard for them to say! They couldn't pronounce 'th' & I couldn't pronounce 'ts'. Precious memories for me. Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KimmyCustard Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Friends of ours had an au pair who was Italian and whilst she looked after the child and cleaned and cooked great Italian meals, she ended up insisting she go on holiday with a man she met at their gym, arranged a week before she was due to go! Needless to say, this wasnt acceptable and they had to let her go. She was treated as part of the family, they also arranged her to Skype her family in Italy so they could stay in touch regularly. When they had a quote for her to drive their little car, it was over £500 so they didnt insure her. She said she could just drive it anyway and "Ooops, word censored!"ody would know! She also broke a chest of drawers but that was only discovered after she left. They were also expected to pay for her English lessons whilst here. It sounds like youre doing all the right things to make her feel welcome and part of your family. Keep the lines of communication open and enjoy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donald Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 I had an au pair from Turkey. I really only wanted her for a few hours a day to see my children onto & off school bus. She was lovely and very kind girl. She was very quiet we did a room with TV /video etc etc and children were under strict instructions to tell me if they didnt like her. She came to learn English apparently, used my old car and she went to college for only one course. She had a driving licence which we discovered isnt the same way of how we pass our tests. We paid for her to have lessons to get her settled. My husband took her out too. All was really good for about 6 months and then she met other Turkish girls at college and some were looking to stay in the UK ie get married to chefs in the local pizza place. She then got a little job in a wimpey and earning more money became more important to her. I found her rushing home only just making it in time to get my sons off the school bus. She started to become more interested in what was beneficial to her etc. After 9 months we decided we had enough and she went off home seriously carrying a big wad of £££. She was hoping to come back on a student visa which meant she could work more hours. Now the reason I am telling this is she was really great kind hearted and never did anything bad and showed utmost kindness to my children. BUT one of my friends who had lots of au pairs did warn me that she changed hers after 6 months as once they got their feet under the table they change. This is basically what happened. Our Au pair never wanted to mix we took her to family do;s etc. We even had a family friend of hers who was married to an English lady and they came to tea etc to try to make her more settled. So yes just make the ground rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Heck - was I such a rarity then? i.e. a decent Au Pair? Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 It must depend on whether being a good au pair is your aim, or whether it is just a stepping stone to something else. I suppose for some it is just that, so they are going to change their priorities after a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
migsy Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 All this info is very interesting, thanks. Betti arrived on Friday night and she seems to be a very pleasant girl. She starts "work" tomorrow. I have taken her to the park and to church (she is of the same faith as us). Her English is basic so she is finding it hard to make conversation but I keep talking to her even though I know she only understands a little. She has the details of another Hungarian au pair in Manchester so she will, hopefully, be able to meet up with her. I'm hoping that she will make friends as I am concerned about her feeling lonely. So far, so good. Fingers crossed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
squiffs Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Maybe I should become an au pair if it's expected to get free bed, board, a wage, paid trips abroad and school fees! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
migsy Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 Betti has been with us for a week now. She seems a lovely girl and is great at doing housework and laundry. The only problem is that she has not ventured out of the house by herself yet. I have taken her out and about and given her a map of the area but she feels unable to collect the kids from holiday club even though I have walked her there once already. I suggested that she take them this morning because she could not get lost as they know the way. It is a pretty straight forward route but she wouldn't do it. She won't even walk to the end of the road alone and I live in a cul-de-sac of 22 houses. I know she has to find her feet but she knew that collecting the boys from holiday club would be one of her tasks. It is really important that she collect them as I work (albeit from home). I even got my 10 year old to walk to the shops with her yesterday to help her get her bearings. She just won't go out alone! Any suggestions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
squiffs Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I know she has to find her feet but she knew that collecting the boys from holiday club would be one of her tasks. It is really important that she collect them as I work I would just keep reiterating that to her - you can't KEEP holding her hand, especially if a 10 year old is able to 'hold her hand' - she really shouldn't be working as an au pair if she has this little confidence... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
migsy Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 I just told 10 yr old son to walk to the park entrance with her to remind her where it is as you have to walk across the park to get to the holiday club. The entrance is literally around the corner. He got there and remembered he had left a letter to post at home. He said, "I'll run back and meet you at home" and left her there! She is now on her way back with a map. However, it is absolutely ridiculous that a 10 year old is flipping well looking after her. It is supposed to be the other way round. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Blimey Migsy! I'm shocked at her not wanting to go anywhere alone. Good on your son for leaving her at the park! What is she afraid of? As she seems frightened to me. I hate to ask, but she's never been assaulted or worse has she? Think you'll have to put your foot down & say that she MUST do certain things or will have to leave. I don't understand her. I was young & alone in a city & loved it. I later travelled to America & Canada alone at quite a young age... independence for gods sake & I really grew up as an Au Pair. I loved the duties & responsibility. I was practically their mother. How old is your Au Pair? Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
