Elderly cat breathing difficulties when purring

[beach chick]

for the past 9 months I've shared a school run with another family in our village - kids are at school 8 miles away. Currently, we have kids in Y6, 5 and 4. (mine are Y6 and 4).

 

last week the other mum reported a "bit of an issue" - my Y4 daughter had stepped into the road and narrowly missed getting squished by a car. OH was here that day, and was very calm about it at the time.

 

this morning, she reported another "bit of an issue" - she has a 1 year old baby as well, and according to her Y5 daughter, my Y6 daughter was 'teasing' the baby with an icecream on the way home on Friday. they sell ice creams after school on a Fri, and whichever mum picks up buys for them all. the mum hadnt seen anything going on, but the Y5 girl said that was what was happening.

 

Y6 daughter denies any teasing, or if she did says it was inadvertent, and I truly dont think she'd deliberately be horrid to a baby (or indeed anyone apart from close family!)

 

my and OH's view is that whoever is taking the kids has parental authority - and therefore responsibility, both to keep them safe and to tell them off if necessary. in terms of the school run, she needs me more than I need her, and truth to tell I've done 60-65% of them (fair enough, she has a little baby and her oldest went to secondary school this term).

 

I'm now kind of reluctant to let my girls go with her (1stly the road thing and 2ndly I dont want my oldest being uncomfortable), tho I've already offered to take her daughter to school when she goes back to work after october half term. (no skin off my nose, I'll be going there anyway).

 

am I being silly? and if not, how can I get out of it tactfully? I am inclined to just say I'm really busy out and about for the next few weeks, so happy to take hers in the morning but we'll sort out our own picking up arrangements.

 

phew, that was long, if you got this far, give yourself a shiney!!

[fairy&cake]

Your own children are the most important thing in your life,

 

Therfore, if your not happy with the people providing the care for them ie: Driving them

 

Knock it on the head, and change it so you are happy.

 

You know your children and your own mind and your obviously not happy.

 

I dont think your over reacting at all!

[Snowy]

It's a difficult one isn't it Beach Chick, you have my sympathy. I would like to think that whoever I trusted with the care of my children would be trusted to discipline them as I would, and the children would also understand that. If she thinks your daughter is playing up, then she should say something at the time and let you know what has been done. It seems a bit unfair to report it after the event - not a lot you can do if you don't see yourself what is happening (other than chat to your daughter about her version of events). But if you have concerns that they are having an unnecessary dig at your daughter - I'd just politely say that I didn't think the arrangement was working as well as expected and make your own arrangements from now on. Just my twopenn'th of the top of my head. You don't owe her an explanation and if she chooses to take offence - that is her choice. Your priority is your daughter.

 

(((hugs))) anyway!

[Egluntyne]

I agree with Snowy.

 

If your daughter did step into the road, then she wasn't being adequately supervise by this individual.

 

Are there problems between your child and her daughter who seems to be stirring things a bit.

 

I'd be inclined to bow out of the arrangement if I was uncomfortable with any aspect of it......and as you say she needs you more than you need her........Oh the number of times I have found myself to be in hat situation when mine were small!

[bronze]

To be fair in this world now people are too scared to discipline other peoples children. I would carry on as is and say to her if you honestly believe what my child has done/is doing is out of line/dangerous then reprimand them. Without you having given express permission for her to do this she may not feel comfortable doing and so did the next best thing which is tell you and let you deal with it.

[The Dogmother]

It's hard, but I go with the tohers on that one. They shoudl discipline the child at the time, and not listen to another child if they might be telling porkies, even if it is their own child. Do you think she's winding up to not wanting to pick up both sets of children?

 

 

I would like to think that whoever I trusted with the care of my children would be trusted to discipline them as I would, and the children would also understand that

That bit made me laugh - we all look out for/discipline each others children when we're out in my group of friends, including taking them to the loo adn drying tears. Made Lesley and her daughter laugh the other weekend - we'd had Lauren for a sleepover and we were back at the farm when the children came charging up wanting something or other and I corrected Lauren, reminding her to say 'please'. Lauren's mum and Lesley were in fits - I was I did it automatically as you do, and had spent the morning doing craft stuff with the girls and correcting them then

[AmandaR]

I have to agree with a cross between Bron and Egluntine.

If you are good friends with this Mum, then she should feel comfortable telling your child off, as you should with hers. In this case, it may be a case of rivalry between the two girls.

If you are not so close with the Mum, then maybe, she doesn't feel comfortable disciplining your daughter without your express permission, in case it causes a problem between the two of you.

In either circumstance, have an honest chat with the other Mum about the situation before doing anything. You certainly won't have anything to lose but could (if you wanted it) secure another friendship when these barriers are broken down.

[Tina C]

I sympathise with both sides on this as I look after someone else's child and its hard sometimes to get it 'right'.

 

I always report any problems we have had (or anything that has happened during the school day that I have been told about) as its good for the parents to know so they can discuss them with their child as they feel appropriate. However I make sure that I also say whether I expect any action to be taken - you may remember I posted some months ago about my own child being upset by the other child and I asked the parents to help out on that one. In a way I suppose I also raise issues so that if their child says anything about the incident they will know that I am aware and how I have tried to deal with it.

 

As far as changing your arrangements is concerned, I think you should do whatever your gut feeling tells you to do (I do feel that morthers have a good instinct about what is right for their children).

 

However, now that you have had a chance to sleep on it you may feel that you could talk to the other mum about both of your expectations with regard to behaviour of the children while in each others care and how to deal with any future problems. I have been given carte blanche to deal with any problems as they arise (mostly because our 6 year olds can't remember if we try and discuss it the next day or whatever).

 

It is really scary when there is a near miss with a car and it is my biggest dread. Only this morning my charge decided to ride one-handed next to a main road and wobbled close to the kerb. I shouted at her to ride sensibly because I had to make sure she got the message quickly but I felt guilty afterwards and maybe this is why your friend mentioned the traffic incident because it shook her up too? I am sure you would rather she mentioned it than not mentioned it at all? Although I appreciate there may have been a certain tone used which implied something else.

 

Anyway, I hope you manage to sort this out. At the end of the day you have to do what is best for you and your children and its never easy is it?

[beach chick]

thank you all for your very considered replies. having slept on it, I think I am going to take the chicken's way out ! She's not very approachable, and I think doesn't want to be friends - I've invited her in for coffee, and had her kids around here 3 or 4 times (not for long), but never been invited back. I also find her slightly intimidating and I think we have very different mothering styles which probably doesnt help - hers are 'perfect' and mine are ragamuffins! they are all nice kids though.

 

totally agree with the 'disciplining other people's kids' thing, me and my friends are all the same - picking up on pleases and thank yous, providing whatever the child needs, and I suppose I just expected that someone in loco parentis as it were would feel the same. on the other hand, she says she didnt see what was going on, and its difficult to work out what really did happen. I'm assuming the baby was crying or something, but in that case I would have pulled over and found out what the matter was...

 

My Y6 daughter said this morning she would prefer it if I took them and collected them, and I know Y4 would too. The girls all get on fine as far as I'm aware, but there could be an element of stirring I suppose.

 

so I'm just going to say to the other mum that I'm out and about a lot over the next 4 weeks, so I'll offer to do the mornings and suggest we both make our own arrangements for picking up. then after half term if she wants to drop her girl off with me on her way to work I'll happily take her - she's already got another friend lined up to have her after school.

 

in some ways its been a real drag having to bring an extra child home, because it means you can never do anything on a whim... so it's probably for the best!

 

thanks again all!