Jump to content
CatsCube

Dog Dilema

Recommended Posts

Im very confused about what to do for the best.

 

My mum since I was tiny has always had pet dogs. The last one died aged 16 4 years ago. I grew up with her and our other dog who is now 16. My mum used to work part time and do night work so it was fine. Now however she works full time day time. She used to be allowed to take the dog into work with her but recently they have decided that she is no longer allowed and so as I live right by where she works I agreed to dog sit during the day for her. The dog Jenny is a mongrel and is soft as anything, I totally trust her around the boys and she is very tollerant. If Noah pesters her she just gets up and moves away from him, mainly cause of her old age she just sleeps all day. The problem is that she has developed an incontinance problem and poos herself. She doesnt tend to do it here but does it in the evenings and overnight. The problem is that she cant feel when he is pooing so just just does it where she is laying. My mum feels awfull as my Brother and SIL are looking after her for her soon while she is on holiday and she feels its very unfair on them to clean up after her, especially as they also have 2 small children. She has tried calling round kennels, but its too short notice now.

 

The thing is she is now looking at the bigger picture. Jenny is partially deef and has cataracs in both eyes, and is now messing herself. The vet said their is nothing that can be done and she is now heading downwards. As long as she has a good quality of life mum doesnt want to lose her. But is aware she doesnt have long left now. The problem is at what point she makes the decision and then what happens next. My mum lives alone. and like me she moved out this way knowing no one so has no friends. she visits my gran daily and looks after all her grandkids, and the rest of the time she likes gardening and taking the dog for walks etc. It would be a very lonely life for her without a dog, and she will want to get another one. The problem is she cant get another dog and just leave her shut in at home every day while she is at work, so she relys on me to look after them during the day. She has asked me how I feel about this. The thing is with Jenny she is a known quantity and I know her and know she is very easy to look after. OH is not a dog person, so doesnt want to have anything to do with it. (fine as he is at work also during the day) But if she got a puppy then I would be the one toilet training her and also puppies can be boisterous with a 2 year old and 9 month old who have just started crawling, plus I wouldnt know the temprement. Also puppies tend to chew and OH and I would not be amused if it started damaging the furniture or chewing the boys toys. So then its the option of her getting an older dog. Now my mum always gets rescue mongrels. So with an adult dog you have the fact they may have leant bad habbits, and wonder why they need rehoming, is it cause they were bad with children or anti sociable, damaged things etc.

 

I really donw know what to do, I understand my mum would be at a loss rattling round on her own without a dog, but I really dont want the posibility of a dog that will cause problems with the boys or damage our house etc.

 

Sorry for the long waffling post any ideas?

 

oh and I did try suggesting chickens but she said no.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

it's a terrbile dilemma cat, and one that I had with our old lurcher - she had a heart complaint and towards the end was pooing herself, blind, deaf and having fits. I decided that it was bettre for her if she was put down.

 

It wa a really hard decision to make and took a lot of soul-searching and tears, but in my heart, it was the right one to make.

 

I hope that your mum makes the decision that is right for her and jenny.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Very difficult for you.

 

It sounds as if Jenny is on the final furlong and your mum will know when the time is right to let her go.

 

As for the issue surrounding a new dog....I don't envy you that one.

 

If you have it during the day, it will essentially be you that is doing all the training and hard work.

 

Would you have taken on a dog at this stage in your life under other circumstances?

 

If the answer is no.....then maybe your mum should reconsider having another dog till she is maybe retired and able to take full responsibility for it.

 

A puppy will stop your gallop and will be a huge responsibility, and if your OH is not keen, it could be a source of friction between you.

 

Also there are the boys to consider. As you say, the new dog will be an unknown quantity and might not be as easy going as Jenny.

 

On the other hand you want to help your mum.

 

Could he employer have vetoed Jenny because of the incontinence problems do you think?.....and might s/he feel differently about a healthy dog?

 

Good luck....whatever you decide.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If your mum lives close to you, would it be possible for you to go to her house and walk the dog and then return it to her house? I worked when we first had our dogs and we built a kennel in the garden to house them when we were out or at work. They had been brought up in outdoor kennels and there were two of them so they had each other for company. It wasn't much fun walking them before and after work when the mornings and evening were dark but they just got on with it! It's a very difficult problem but you mum is very fortunate that you're so generous with your time and home on behalf of her dog. Hope things work themselves out to suit both parties.

Becka

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So sorry to hear about Jenny. It's a very hard decision to make, but to be honest if she is now soiling herself and can't control it - it can't be pleasant for her either. For me, 'quality of life' means active enjoyment, not just 'not in pain' - but it is a tough call. Your mum will know when it's right.

 

You obviously love dogs, and enjoy being around them and it sounds as if your children do too. It sounds like it's the ideal arrangement to me - your mum gets a companion, and the main responsibility - you get to 'borrow' the dog during the day, and your children have the pleasure of it.

 

My feeling would be, not a puppy as they are too much work, but go for an older dog and make sure you are fully involved with your mum in the decision-making. You know about dogs, and any reputable dog-rescue place will already have assessed whether a dog they are homing is suitable to be with children. Not all dogs have bad habits, and you clearly know how to look after and train them.

 

Good luck - it is a hard decision isn't it. Animals bring so much into our lives, I think it would be very sad if your mum couldn't have a dog any more when she's so used to having one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Poor Jenny and mum, a hard decision to know when best to let them go.

 

When the time comes, maybe you or your mum could speak to your local rescue centre and explain your needs/concerns to them and they could match you with a suitable dog that has the right temperament for what you want?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

My feeling would be, not a puppy as they are too much work, but go for an older dog and make sure you are fully involved with your mum in the decision-making. You know about dogs, and any reputable dog-rescue place will already have assessed whether a dog they are homing is suitable to be with children. Not all dogs have bad habits, and you clearly know how to look after and train them.

 

This is exactly what I was going to say about adopting an older dog, they are assessed, and you often see dogs with notes saying 'not suitable to live with young children'. The other thing I was going to suggest was having a dog flap fitted in your mum's house so that when she does get a new dog it will be able to come and go in the garden as needs be. We have always had a dog flap and it works really well, if you have to go out for a long period. Perhaps that way the dog could be left in the mornings and just be with you in the afternoons if that would work.

 

I do sympathise totally with the problem with Jenny. My dog is 16 and I am dreading the day she can't cope any more. Quality of life for a dog is also about the owner's quality of life too, but I'm sure your mum will make the right decision, hard though it will be.

 

Tessa

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For your Mum's current dog I think she has to do it when she feels the dog has had enough. I always said with my old colie x that I would have her pts the day she didn't want to go for a walk anymore because even straight after she had a stroke she wanted her walks. Bless her she could only go in circles and couldn't stand properly. Eventually at the age of 15 she didn't want her walks. By then she was doubly incontinent and had only one eye and dementia. Your Mum will know.

 

As for the puppy I think however hard it is for your Mum she has to realise that maybe her life isn't suited to a dog at the moment. I personally wouldn't want my children around a rescue dog every day. My sister took on one from Battersea. It had been assessed and its sister was deemed unsuitable to be with children but she was fine. Anyway it nearly took the face off her 7 year old. It wasn't the child's fault (she is used to dogs as they already have one) the dog should never have been placed with children.

 

The only solution would be for you to visit and walk the dog during the day which might be feasible if your mum managed to get an older puppy. Maybe one that a breeder was going to keep to show but didn't quite reach the required standard. these puppies would normally be well socialised because they have to be pretty bomb proff if they are going to get any where in the show ring. A 6 month old puppy would be capable of being left for longer periods than an 8 week old puppy but would still be very adaptable.

 

Hope you can come to an agreement with your mum.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Unfortunatly its not possible for me to just pop in and walk her each day as she is a 45min drive away from me, and she looked into a dog day care type thing before and its very expensive.

 

We have just been out and taken Jenny for a 2 hour walk with the boys as OH is off work today. We def have said no to a puppy as I dont want to have to house train it when I have two kids in nappys to clean up after already. I think some of it is going to depend on why the dog is up for rehoming, if its cause it has problems, or if the owner died or something.

 

Im not going to dismiss the idea entirly now, but perhaps go and have a look at some dogs with her when the time comes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Have you thought about a retired greyhound? They are amazing dogs, clean, and only need 2 20minute walks a day - they are the original couch potatoes... I have never regretted adopting ours, and my offspring love him. The kennel will chose a suitable one for your family requirements.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think some of it is going to depend on why the dog is up for rehoming, if its cause it has problems, or if the owner died or something.

 

All our dogs have been rescue dogs and never puppies, they have all been lovely in their own individual way. Dogs get re-homed for loads of reasons,

illness, death, marriage breakups, new babies arriving, owner being sent to prison(only joking) it is only a few that are there for bad behaviour. I think it is a lovely idea to go with your mum when she makes her choice. Both Battersea and The Dogs Trust have albums of their dogs for rehoming online, maybe the place you will go to has the same service?

 

Tessa

Link to comment
Share on other sites

.....then maybe your mum should reconsider having another dog till she is maybe retired and able to take full responsibility for it.

 

 

I agree with the above. I really feel for your mum, I am a huge dog lover and my dog is my baby, so it must be heartbreaking seeing poor Jenny go downhill. :cry: I think when the time comes to get another dog your mum should maybe wait until she can look after/train/devote time to the puppy as otherwise you will be bonding with it and not her. I would maybe suggest in the meantime if she wants company would she consider another type of pet for now? Or are there any rescue centres in her local area where she could maybe volunteer to dog walk ? :idea: We have a Blue Cross adoption centre near us who are always looking for volunteer walkers for the doggies - this way she would get out and about and get some doggy company. :)

 

I hope everything works out for her and :pray: Jenny enjoys the rest of her time with your mum. Let us know how she gets on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My mum still does all the dog care stuff, she gets up an extra horur early each day and goes for a nice long walk with her. But I think mainly for her its being able to cuddle up on the sofa and have her go to bed with her at night, that she will miss. Plus the security of a woman living alone. although Jenny is soft as anything, she is a big girl as she is an Alsation cross and will bark at disturbances, which can be a deterent to intruders and make my mum feel more safe.

 

For her to wait till she can look after a dog durning the day would mean waiting till retirement, which is still 15 years away for her.

 

She does however have a side porch built into the house for the washing machine etc, which opens out into thte garden, She didnt want to use that for Jenny as being old she gets rather cold. We have never kept a dog outside. Do you think it wouldbe suitable for a dog to have the purch with a dog bed in and free roam of the garden during the day?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It does sound like a reasonable solution but when I have used a similar sort of arrangement I always had two dogs to keep each other company - double the fun but not double the work! I couldn't be without dogs and find them greatly reassuring when I am in the house alone. In fact, i couldn't sleep at night if I didn't have the dogs as at least if there's a noise either the dogs have made it or they would provide back-up if it proved to be someone either inside or outside them house - I think! I hope you get something that suits both your families and isn't too stressful to put in place.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would worry about leaving a dog in a porch with open run in the garden (if people werent home) not because of the dog but because of dog snatchers. A lot of people do have their dogs pinched from gardens or even cars. Im sure the dog would love it, but I personally would worry! :oops:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would think it would be fine as my mum backs onto farm fields so no one walking past, plus she has mongrels so not normally stolen as they arnt worth money like pedegres.

 

2 dogs is a grat idea. She had the 2 together before, but when our other dog pased away she wasnt in a position to get another dog. It might be an idea way for her to get 2 dogs, they keep each other company with free run of a great big garden and sleep indoors nice and cosy with my mum at night.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That sounds like a really good idea. While I can see all the pros and cons, I think if your mum has had dogs since you were tiny, and I don't know your age but I'm guessing it's over 21 :wink: , it would be very hard for her to give up on them now.

 

She's probably set things up the way they are at the moment because it's Jenny, and you know her habits and her particular needs, especially related to her age. There's always a different way to do things, we just sometimes don't see it when we're used to another way. I really hope you can find a solution to this one - do let us know what happens, won't you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh no, well things have now become even more difficult.

 

Previously Jenny was just having her 'accidents' in the evening and night times, so not a problem for me. However the last 2 days we have had her she has peed and pooed on the floor here. It wouldnt be so bad if it was a case of her now being able to hold on and doing a poo by the backdoor or something, but she isnt aware she is doing it, so both times she has just walked across the living room leaving a trail of poo behind her. Now Dylan my youngest has just started crawling. And Im now very concerned as all it will take is for this to happen while Im out the room a moment, feeding chickens or doing the washing etc, and Dylan could crawl in it or Noah ride his trike through it etc. Am I right in thinking their is something potentially harmfull to children in dog poo? Toxoplasmosis or something causing blindness?

 

The thing is I know that when I say to my mum no I cant have her anymore, its going to mean she is put to sleep, so Im effectivly giving her a death sentence.

 

I really dont know what to do?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

oh dear, poor Jenny. I can't and wouldn't presume to tell you what you should do. I'm sure in your heart you'll know the right thing to do for her and the rest of the family, poor old girl :cry:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Poor Jenny can't be having any quality of life now Catscube.

 

You are in a really difficult position, and I really feel for you but your children and their health have to come first. Having dog faeces and urine in the environment can't be good for them, in fact it could be quite dangerous.

 

I know it will be really hard for your mum to let go, but in reality, she isn't the one having to deal with the problem, you are.

 

If you can't feel that you can handle it for much longer then perhaps an honest word with your mum is the only way to go.

 

If she was your own dog, what would you do?

 

All the best.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with what Egluntine has said. It's about quality of life - and sadly, if poor Jenny is no longer able to control her functions at all, then she is in a bad way. She's losing her dignity.

 

It's not your responsibility, and not down to you to make the decision, but you can't possibly put Dylan and Noah at risk, and your mum will understand that. It might actually help her to make what is a very hard decision.

 

It's my experience - and sadly I've gone through this several times with cats - that we often don't see the day-to-day changes. It's afterwards when we look back that we realise how much our pets had deteriorated towards the end. I really believe it's a privilege to be able to do this for a much-loved friend, to spare them indignity and suffering; if only we could do the same for humans. While you and your mum will naturally feel very sad about this, it isn't going to be any easier or any less sad if you go on until Jenny loses the use of her legs or something else happens.

 

It would be nice if she died peacefully in her sleep at home, but the reality is that this very rarely happens. I'm sorry not to offer more comfort, my guess is that you know the time has come, but perhaps your mum isn't quite ready to let go yet? I do hope you can help her reach a decision. It's a horrible position to be in, and my heart goes out to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well mum has just dropped her off this morning, she said she hasnt had any day time accidents over the weekend. jenny is still happy and acting like normal. Dogs sniff each others bums do they have any dignity? My mum goes on holiday a week tomorrow and we are going to see how things go over this week (then my SIL will be looking after her) Then review it once she gets back.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.




×
×
  • Create New...