Jules. Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Oh Vicki, I've just caught up with this new installment. Hope your dad continues to improve, & that things can get sorted soon for your mum x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyBoo Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 What a nightmare. Chin up girl, you're right, you couldn't make it up. Hang in there, everyone here is really behind you so feel free to fall back on us all if you need. Lots and lots of love to you and ALL your family. Mrs Bertie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scary Mary Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Hey Sweetie, you really are coping with the most amazingly gruesome ordeal with grace and dignity that is a lesson to us all. You must be running on your nerves by now and just coping with each dreadful day as it comes, but maybe some techie person might be good enough to print out this post for you once this sage runs its course and pm it to you for you to print and keep. You really have written a graphic and compelling tale with your humour and humanity shining through. Many years from now, when your kids have children, they will treasure the window into their family history, especially one written with such humour. Back to today, though… many hugs and positive vibes ….to you. Like so many other omleteers I thought my Mum was bad, but compared to your Ma, she wasn’t even in the running! Keep positive, you are a fantastic daughter, and I hope mine turns out as well as you. Love and hugs Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindsay Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 ANH ... I've been reading what you've been through and I just want to really add my support and say that you are one tough cookie! I'm so glad you've got the support of your OH & your family to help you through this terrible time, and the fact that you can retain your sense of humour means you will also retain your sanity! Like many others, I too had a very difficult time with my Mum, so my heart (and my admiration) goes out to you ... look after yourself, as right now, you are the most important person. Sending you love, light and much strength. Lindsay xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 how you manage to keep smiling ... your OH is right though - forget about housework, the kids won't mind living on takeaways for a bit, this is an emergency and you need to do the minimum outside of sorting out your mum and dad. Your mum really does sound ill, some of what you have described before could have been rationalised as coming from someone with a very skewed perception of life, but she is not right is she - thank goodness she is now being assessed. It must be a relief not to worry about where she is/what she is up to. Glad that your dad is looking better. Scary Mary is right - anyone would be proud to have a daughter like you, so look after yourself. xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 hang on in there, your parents are in good hands and you and your family are the most important now, what a nightmare, it sounds as if your mom may have been ill for a while but now she is getting the help she needs, I hope youe dad is doing OK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovemychooks Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 I really think you need a medal Just to say that I hope everything works out and that your Mum gets the professional support they need (your husband sounds like a rock). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 13, 2008 Author Share Posted March 13, 2008 You guys ......... stop it . You make me sound like a saint . From what I've read on here, many of you have been through difficult times too (well, maybe not with a dad with holes drilled in his head and a mum who's overdosed, but still ....) . I'm very lucky that up until now I've not really had any real crises to deal with in my life (well, I suppose finding my birth family and my half sister dying 6 weeks after I met her counts as one but it was happy too). When something like this hits you, I reckon you don't have much choice other than to just deal with it. What's the alternative after all? I have to say though, if this double hospital visiting at opposite ends of the city continues for more than a few days, I may just admit myself for a bit of R&R . I have a question and would be interested in your views: I haven't told my boys that granny tried to top herself. Did I do right, or should I just tell them the whole gruesome story? They are 13 and 15 and not very wordly wise. They aren't very close to her so I don't think they'd be upset but is that too adult a topic for a child to deal with? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 ANH I think you are a star coping with all this worry and stress and still somehow managing to retain your wonderful sense of humour. As to your question....personally, I wouldn't tell your boys the truth of the situation, I can't honestly see what good would come of it. If they ask why your mum is in hospital you can just say she can't cope with your dad being ill, it's not really a lie after all Keep strong. Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovemychooks Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 In reply to your question....I don't think it would be a good idea to tell your boys, it's enough for you to cope with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fur 'n' Feathers Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Hi ANH. Just catching up. Just 2 things to say (apart from big messages of support ): Firstly, if your mum needs to stay in hospital and is willing to do so they won't need to section her - this is only done if there's a risk she'll disharge herself and she is deemed to be a significant risk to herself/others. Secondly, just agreeing with what's already been written, that your children don't need to know the overdose details. What TTD suggests is perfectly adequate. This way they have enough information, without burdening them. At a later date when thyey're older it might be something to share. Then you'll be able to discuss it with them as adults. Whilst you're alone in the fact your brother's away till the next weekend remember, there's a whole forum community ready to give you virtual support . Look after yourself and don't forget the prescription of chocolate . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Tricky about telling the boys. I agree with the others that maybe this isn't the time. Have they any cousins etc who might inadvertantly let something slip though? You brother's policy may differ from yours. If they are going to find out.....it would be better coming from you. If she is sectioned, maybe a bit more detail could be given to them. All the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperwife Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 oh, Vicki, more hugs (get some more chocolate!!!!) I agree about not telling the boys they will grow up soon enough, and you have a whole life time to tell them what she was like (my mum still tells me new information about my grandparents and im 34) even more hugs cathy x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 I'm inclined to agree about not telling them right now - you've got enough to cope with. My grandmother, who was odd in many ways, lived with us. My sister, then aged about fifteen, was unfortunate enough to be the one to meet her tottering out of her bedroom one morning moaning 'I've committed suicide' after having taken an overdose. (She lived for another twenty years, I'm pleased to say!) It didn't do a lot for my sister's state of mind. If they ask, then you should tell them (and much better to come from you than someone else), but as you say they are not close to her, then they probably won't even think much about it. Hope they move your dad a bit nearer soon! Now get that chocolate down you, before Nurse prescribes an extra dose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 14, 2008 Author Share Posted March 14, 2008 Thanks all, you've kind of confirmed what I felt. I have just told them she's not coping with dad's illness very well and has gone into hospital. (Also told MIL the same , she's not very worldly (either!) and I don't know how she'd take it (or even if she'd really understand it). As for cousins, my SIL has told her son the truth (he's 15 too) but the boys rarely meet (all the cousins lives miles away) and aren't really in contact although they get on very well. I don't imagine my brother will tell his 4 kids the truth (except maybe the 19 yr old who lives with him). If/when she gets transferred to the psych hospital, it might be harder to conceal - it overlooks the boys' school and I think it's common knowledge what kind of people go in there . Off to Starbucks this morning for coffee and a ginger muffin (I may even have two ). I've warned my friend that we'll not be talking about her crisis - OH of 20 years has announced that he's accepted a job ...... in America and wants out of the marriage . Think I can beat that (all she knows is that dad is in hospital - it could take a while to relate the story so far ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedusA Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 ANH I think you are a star coping with all this worry and stress and still somehow managing to retain your wonderful sense of humour. As to your question....personally, I wouldn't tell your boys the truth of the situation, I can't honestly see what good would come of it. If they ask why your mum is in hospital you can just say she can't cope with your dad being ill, it's not really a lie after all Keep strong. Tessa I agree 100% with Tessa. They are able to be told a half-truth, but not the whole story. If your Mum recovers fully, she may hold it against you for "further alienating" the boys, if you spilt the beans. Chin up girl, you are doing a grand job. At least your mum is going to be treated now and your dad is on the mend. Give OH a big kiss for being so wonderful too. Onwards and upwards! *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 I just wanted to add my best wishes & sympathies for your situation too. A lot of you know the situation with my Mum,so I won't drag that up again,but suffice to say I do know how hard it is when a parent is sick & needs help. My Mum has help, & I am so grateful for that as I know I could not cope with her as she is. You are doing marvellously Vicki - much better than I would for sure Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 I am really pleased you're meeting up with a friend this morning, it will be just what you need. Enjoy the coffee and cake. Sending love and hugs, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baby bears mum Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Glad you're getting out for a bit of R&R and hope you enjoy your coffee and muffin (or 2!!!!). You are doing brilliantly and I think it was so sensible to deal with your boys the way that you have. You being such a good Mum just goes to show that we learn from our parents mistakes. Hope things are OK with your Dad and that your Mum stays on an even keel for as long as possible. Thinking of you all. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fur 'n' Feathers Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Hi ANH. Don't know if this site might be any help regarding your children. Thought you might like to see it and then you can choose to use it or not (or adapt the information the way you'd like to say it). It's a good site for young people regarding a number of issues and is recommended where children are in families affected by mental health issues. http://www.youngminds.org.uk/children/the-wise-mouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Hope you enjoyed coffee and muffin(s) and that there were not to many further dramas today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 15, 2008 Author Share Posted March 15, 2008 Had a lovely ginger muffin and 2 lattes at Starbucks during a 4 hour chat with my friend. (That's normal as, boy, can she talk - managed to say a bit myself this time though .) Can't sleep now (funny that ). Also got indigestion - that'll teach me for using Waitrose readymade meatballs and a jar of sauce (could be the large glass of red wine too ). Thought I might as well update the "blog" although it's been a fairly uneventful day thankfully, which would probably be forgotten if I didn't commit it to paper (or screen). Phoned mum's hospital - doctors had assessed her (blood results much better) and she's ready to go to the pysch hosital but waiting for a bed. Phoned dad's hospital - he's doing well but they don't want him to move till Monday (not sure which hospital's decided this - I've had 2 versions - but it seems they want him as fully recovered as possible .... ... great, now I've got the squits. That's no doubt too much information for you but hey, you're sharing all my ups and downs (maye that should be downs and downs ). Don't know whether to blame Waitrose, Dolmio or that nice Mr Hardy from down under . Anyway, as I was saying, dad's now not moving till Monday but the other hospital were only keeping his bed till Friday so who knows if there'll be a bed free. I'm getting good at this visiting lark now - mum's 3-4, dad's 3-5 so 20 min drive to mum first. She's still calm and serene and being very civil to me (strange experience, that ) but still talking about dad being dead (despite video evidence) and how she'll not be here much longer. Also saying strange things like when I asked her how she was feeling, she said her feet were cold. I'd anticipated this (how good am I? ) and had packed some socks but she said the staff wouldn't let her wear them as it would stop them seeing something or other . She let me put them on though. She's also seeing lines on the bed and the floor (there were patterns on both so don't know if she's actually seeing things or not ). Told her I'd phoned her (only) friend Ann and would she like her to visit. "No I don't really think so." She seems switched off from reality (no, really ) and doesn't mention home, or anything needing doing or the fact that I've got 2 parents in hospital and have to visit them both . I suppose if she thinks dad's dead, she'll think I've got it easy . Left there, 25 min drive cross town. While waiting at a traffic light saw this which made me smile: Looks just like Maisie and Molly (but with airbrushed combs ). You just never know when you'll need a camera. (I carry it routinely at the moment ). Said hello to Dad but he then had to get his catheter sorted as there'd been a blockage so had to wait 15 mins. He's speaking a lot more and fairly clearly now (but still not unprompted). If you ask him how he's feeling he now says "not too great" whereas before he'd usually say "alright". He didn't ask about mum once so I didn't mention her either. I'll keep my "lies" for when I need them. Left there, 25 min drive again cross town to get home. Still waiting for mum & dad's bank manager to call me - I'd like to know what the situation is with regard to their bills etc if they're both incapacitated. Mum can still sign cheques but for how long? My brother (heretoforeverafter referred to as BB - big brother!) - is phoning their solicitor to find out what the score is there. I'm now thinking I need to start phoning relatives. Mum told dad's 2 remaining sisters (in Canada and Australia) that he was in hospital but I suppose they deserve an update. The only other ones I should probably tell are mum's nephew and dad's neice (the only relatives who live in the UK). They aren't a close family (are you surprised ) which is why I've not done it before now. Well, it's now 4am so I'm off for a cup of tea (and hopefully no more dashes to the loo) and to watch something on tv till I feel sleepy again. Must just mention my dog Riley before I go. He is such a sweetie, I sometimes get overcome with emulsion while walking in the woods (and waiting at traffic lights, and doing the dishes, and various other random times and places) but he senses it straight away and keeps really close, looking up and jumping up gently as if to comfort me. Bless him . We've noticed he's been behaving as though he's scared in the house sometimes, shivering and looking anxious. I wonder whether he just senses something's not right? Night all! F&F - thanks for that website, it was very thoughtful of you . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyBoo Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Must just mention my dog Riley before I go. He is such a sweetie, I sometimes get overcome with emulsion while walking in the woods . Oh ANH, I had to laugh, does that mean you get covered in paint hon? Mind you it was a hideous hour, hope your guts have settled and you have another uneventful day. Maybe you could even get to do some boring routine stuff just for you Take care Mrs Bertie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Still waiting for mum & dad's bank manager to call me - I'd like to know what the situation is with regard to their bills etc if they're both incapacitated. Mum can still sign cheques but for how long? I am currently going through trying to sort this out for my Mum. Its a lot easier if the person in question is able to sign over to you - you will have power of attorney. If they are incapable of doing this,then you need to become their reciever (which is my situation). Its a long a complicated procedure,which ends with a court case to appointing a reciever. You can get details from the Public Gaurdianship Office. http://www.publicguardian.gov.uk/ If you can,get them to appoint either you or your BB as having power of attorney now,while they can. Getting to become reciever is a nightmare.....I should know,I have been trying for 18 months Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Echo that - fortunately we had a Power of Attorney for both my parents, and when my dad lost his marbles it was much easier to register that, than to go through Court of Protection. I am not sure that ANH's mum would be fit to sign anything at the moment though. I am sure Riley is just picking up on your emotions, bless him. Glad to hear that you had a slightly less eventful day ANH, may there be many more of those in the next few weeks! Hope you can manage to get some rest, and feel a bit better - it's probably just the cumulative effect of the week you've had. Or maybe all the chocolate that was prescribed! Do keep us posted, there are lots of Omleteers out here who want to know how you are getting on (and many like me and Cinnamon who know exactly where you are coming from). Take care of yourself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
