Will hoey

[chickencam]

Taking some time out to do something fun together, even if it is only getting out some CDs and having a dance about and a laugh about the truely bad songs.

 

Do you sit and eat your evening meal together? This can be good down time when you can have a laugh at the days events.

 

My YD has just turned 10 and has always been more of a handful than my other 2 children. I have found that she is improving though.

 

I found both of my daughters most difficult between the ages of 5 and 7 and that they improved with age. My ED is 15 and lovely and my son who had his unhappy phase last year is now nearing 13 and talkative and happy.

 

Most children go through a couple of difficult phases as responsibility changes and the balance of their relationships change. Hang in there and keep talking to her, communication is vital.

[Tina C]

I just had to read this - I have a 7 yr old who is, shall we say, maturing a little more rapidly than she should. (And with me at the other end of the process OH does not know what has hit him) We are currently preparing for 'the talk' with the help of 'Where Did I Come From?' and 'What's Happening to Me?' We have already had a taste of things to come, but now I know that's just the tip of the iceberg

[TheGirlsMum]

Ive got one too

Need I say any more?

[kez]

My eldest daughter was 9 in June. She is borderline Autistic/ADHD. After several years of her being an absolute nightmare - painting the walls with toothpaste, trying to climb out the upstairs window and spitting at people in the street, we finally seem to be getting somewhere with her.

 

To be honest - I think it was the chickens! She's always wanted a pet; unfortunately I can't have animals in the house (asthma). I knew that having a pet might help her and it most certainly has. She spends loads of time in the garden chatting to them and training them to do tricks. She is now fluent in 'chicken' as well as 'cat' and doesn't speak so much 'gobbledegook'.

 

She is very clever and keeps getting put in the top groups at school, then two weeks later being moved down because she can't keep up. The thought of her going up to secondary school in a year and a half terrifies me.

 

Luckily my other daughter (6) doesn't have so many problems - only bad eyesight and intermittent hearing loss.

 

Just for good measure I work full time, 30 miles away and have a husband who is registered visually impaired and has limited mobility.

 

 

Life is good hey

[quinlan]

I used to be one, was awful to my parents til I was about 17 (when I moved out!) My mum now says shes amazed at how well balanced I turned out as she felt like the worst mum ever at the time. I never hated her, just hated the rules and didn't understand my own emotions most of the time.

 

I now have a beautiful 12 (nearly 13) year old step daughter who has been in my life since she was 4. She now reminds me of myself, but I try (try!!!) to listen to her and reason with her fairly, although we have limits.

 

And I have to say how much I admire all of you single parents. I was on my own for a few months when my youngest was a baby and it was such hard work. Don't be hard on yourself, all you can do is your best.

[Guest]

DinkyChick, I've had three 9 year old girls and yes, it is a time of change. In fact my 10 year old boy had a 3 month 'transformation' over the summer, so I don't think boys are different. I went to the GP about my eldest when she was 9 because I couldn't cope with her. She ended up on a children's anger/social course which taught us all that there was nothing wrong with her!

 

Hindsight and experience are wonderful things. I am not claiming to be Supermother but I do have some advice. You need to maintain a close mother-daughter relationship, especially now before you move into teenager years. So take a deep breath and give her a cuddle. Be pleased to see her and hug/kiss her in the morning, afternoon and bedtime. Try to do something nice with her and create special moments which she will love. e.g. read to her in bed for a while.

 

So, that is showing her that you love her very much and she is still very special to you. In addition to that, you need to be able to talk frankly (but at a 9 year old level). Explain to her what happens to you when she behaves in a bad way, how it makes you feel etc. Ask her about how she feels and see if you can come to an agreement for moving forward. At a guess, you will be promising to try not to lose your temper and shout at her while she may try to stick to the bathroom timings. There are responsibilities on both sides and it is time for children to understand that their behaviour can incite unwelcome behaviour from others, even adults. You need to pull together and be a team.

 

Don't forget that your children are precious. Remember those gorgeous babies and how proud and protective you felt and try to feel that way again. I have learnt a lot over the years and it is that feeling that has helped me the most. I try to be the loving, caring, always-got-time-to-listen mother from the fairy tales. I don't achieve it all the time, but I know that a warm cuddle goes a very long way. You are the adult and so the work has to come from you.

 

Good luck!

[The Dogmother]

Very wise words Ginette - I will have to remember them for next time R pulls a strop

[KimmyCustard]

not having kids. ever.

 

Ew. Me either. If I got pregnant now it would be the immaculate conception, I dont have a 'nursery' and OH had the snip!

 

However. OH has 2 daughters, one is 15 and has been 'free to a good home' since she was 10. YSD is 11 and a dream. Hope she doesnt find the older one's personality on her bedroom floor sometime and try it on for size.

 

Kimmy

x

[Goosey Lucy]

Very wise words, Ginette. I have 2 boys but what you say rings true for them too.

[cordelia]

my oldest are 9 and 10....and what a change in the last two or three years...

 

they were cute, tall for their age, dressed in pink..and lovely...

they strop now and are emotional and hard work quite often

its hormones I'm sure...they just seem to be affecting them earlier...

...so I'm sure thats the problem..

 

 

very best of luck, and you're doing a good job, the best you can do..try and remember ..

 

editited to keep the peace!!

Edited November 26, 2008 by Guest

[jess]

yep, neeeever having kids

[Scramble]

 

Holly (my 12 yr old has typed this herself)

Yo.... (just had to write that).... in Year 5 I got more responsibility at school, had to remember things rather than bring notes home, got more homework (eek ), I started to think a lot more about stuff. Like important stuff. Mum even had "THE CHAT" with me about you know.....birds and bees stuff. Sorry, am giggling now and cannot type. Am now in Yr7 and Daddy caught me blushing at boys on the TV Sounds like your daughter is normal. Luv Holly.

 

Right, now go to BED, Mum. PS. Know what you are going through dinkychick.

 

I'm 13

I think it sounds normal as well, try not to worry

 

and hen watch tell Holly, my dad caught be doing the exact same thing

 

x

[Dinkychick]

Well after reading all your advice i decided that maybe i was having a really bad few weeks and needed to look at things from a different angle.

 

I have started listening to my gut instincts again and bring my child up the way i feel is right, and not be swayed by so much of the you must do this from others.... meaning teachers lol. Thats when the probs started kicking off.

 

So armed with all your ideas, and a new im not such a bad mum who is getting back intune with herself and her child, this week has been rather nice

 

Not saying it will last forever but for the moment things are blissful here again So thanks all!

[Guest]

You are so right! I can remember realising that i had to do things MY way and that whenever I tried to do what my mother said I should it didn't work.

 

Happy mothering!